buried in a pile of blessings...

That's how I feel today.  I told you about being so happy that my baby son has found the girl who seems to literally complete him.  How much my husband and I love her already, how we can look back and see how God Himself placed her in our lives.  She feels like that missing piece in our puzzle.

Yesterday was an odd sort of Sunday.  For the past almost 6 weeks, Our Girl has been coming to church with us.  Baby Son joined the church last Sunday, which overjoyed us, of course.  It's been a hard couple of years worshipping & serving The Lord apart from our children.  But we see how God is using our First Baby Boy to minister to the youth in another church in his wife's hometown.  We are thankful that God didn't call him to a place far away from us because I'm not sure that this poor mama could have stood the pain of them leaving us & living so far away.  

But our Baby Son hadn't made up his mind yet where he wanted to make his church home.  The last church we all belonged to for many years, well, I think I talked about it in a previous post...  so I won't repeat it now, but needless to say, we were thrilled to be able to sit in a church service with one of our sons, and now, with his sweet girlfriend as well. 

So, yeah, we had this great early service, then Baby Son came with one of the young boys that spends a lot of time with the boys, came to the second service.  

I got involved in a conversation with a lady from our Emmaus community & found out she had a prayer need involving her husband who is a recovering alcoholic.  Then another lady, both of them were serving as greeters that day, from our Emmaus community came over, and the three of us talked for awhile, then the first lady decided she'd better go so her husband wouldn't think she was talking about him so the second lady and I talked for some time.  Hubby was outside talking to some other people.

This lady began to share about "randomly" (ha! nope, totally God's will!) being put in the path of a man she'd met before through the counsellor at our church.  This man was suicidal at that time, & this morning when our care pastor brought him to this lady, she recognized him.  She was asking for prayer for him.

Then, Hubby came back in looking for me, and this lady wanted to talk with him about the man and see if he had any ideas for getting the man involved with some other Godly men who would hold him accountable & check on him, etc.  We had a prayer for the man and (woo!! chill bumps!)  God just met with us and it was like we had another church service while in the auditorium, the second service was taking place.   :)

Hubby ended up getting to talk to the man, because we stayed and waited for second service to let out so we could talk to our son, too.  This particular Sunday, Our Girl had gone to her home church to try and get some resolution about where she should be attending church.  

Baby Son was planning to go with her, but one of the other boys who spends a lot of time with my kids got sick and called Baby Son to come get him... yes, instead of caling his parents, he called my son.  

What a great testimony to how my children are ministering to these kids.  So, Our Girl and Baby Son had gone to pick up this boy, they tended to him for some time before Our Girl left for home.  She will be an RN after her graduation this May, so it was so good she was there!

So back to our Sunday... our First Baby son was out of town with his wife for their FIFTH ANNIVERSARY!!!  Goodness, that seems like such a long time, but at the same time, not long at all.  So anyway, it was just me, Hubby, Baby Son & Our Girl and the boy who'd come to church that morning.  

We sat in Subway, eating our late supper after going to an amazing singing service at our church that evening... and we started talking... and the subject turned serious as it related to Baby Son & Our Girl...  when it got to the point where she and I were both about to cry, we decided to head home to finish our talk. 

We had let her know that, due to some thick tension in her family, that she was more than welcome to move in with us if she wanted. Or she was welcome to stay for a night or two, whatever she needed.  We were letting her know we meant it, we hadn't had second thoughts about it and how much she means to us... how much we view her as our own daughter.

She said while at Subway that she was working up the courage to tell us something, so that's when we headed home.  Once we got home, she proceeded to tell us how much she felt like a part of our family, how Hubby and I had filled a sort-of void she had for a close relationship with her parents & and we all talked about the future.  It was a great time and then the boy who had gotten sick came back...

The other boy, who had been with us at Subway, asked about hearing Our Girl's testimony, because she'd mentioned wanting to tell it to the boys because she felt it would help them or at least let them know that she knew what they were dealing with.

So, she and Baby Son drove back to his house, where she had left a hard copy of her testimony with him to read, and she came back up and read it in the firelight.  I had heard it before at Emmaus, but Hubby hadn't.  We all sat in silence as she stood on the other side of that firepit, with Baby Son's arm around her shoulders for support while he shined a light on the paper for her.  It was such a sweet time of fellowship and love.

I am just completely buried in this big pile of blessings and sometimes it makes me scared that something really bad is coming.  That there's no way my life can be this full of God's love without something in the future that will rob me of these blessings.  Or that maybe God is "blessing me up" before a time of struggle and trial.  

I honestly don't know, but I am not going to spend my time worrying about the future.  If I have learned nothing else during this time of God teaching me about what fear really is and that it should have no affect on me, I have learned to appreciate each and every blessing and not diminish the goodness of them by worrying about things that haven't happened yet, or may never happen at all.

How silly!   So, if you need to find me, look under that great big pile of God's love and behind this big doofusy grin.  I'll be there.

Blessings to you!

happy, happy, happy...

So okay, true confessions... I've never seen Duck Dynasty. Never watched an episode in my life. We don't have cable or satellite, just Netflix & Hulu, neither of which offer Duck Dynasty! However, I see tons of references to them on Facebook & have watched a lot of youtube videos of Phil or Willie or Jase preaching or giving a testimony.

And.. I have this t-shirt that is MORE than a few years old.. probably .. I dunno, 10 years, maybe? And it has this big lowercase "h" on it with the word "happy" underneath. So when I wear it, people wanna ask me why I messed the quote up because I've learned that someone on the show is in the habit of saying, "Happy, happy, happy!" *sigh* I'm sorry, I just can't be fashionable AND a tightwad, okay? LOL!

All that to say this:: I am really happy lately.

Why? Well, maybe I've just realized that God's way beyond good to me. As of right now, I have a double-ear infection (AGAIN!) and am waiting to be sent to a specialist to see what's up with that, and I've just agreed to go back on some antidepressants to see if that doesn't help with the fatigue & the just plain don't-want-to's I seem to have all the time.

And still, I have to say, I'm happy.

For one, God's been answering prayers around here. For me, for my husband, for my children... He's just been all over us lately and I'm SO grateful for all He's done and continues to do!!

This past Sunday, I got to hear my first baby boy preach his first sermon. How humbling!! How hard it was to listen & see him up there behind the pulpit, proclaiming the word of God & realize that THAT is my little blonde-haired snuggly bug!! But it is, and God's SO good. MmmMM!

And it is looking like God's answered my prayer for a Godly girl to come into my baby son's life. And the way He's done it is nothing short of amazing. He's showing Himself to me at every turn. I'll say something about it to a friend and then either my baby boy or my potential new daughter-in-love will say almost the exact thing back to me. LOL! It's just been a joy to be alive lately, watching God do His thang in and anround us.

I have to laugh at the "potential new DIL" comment... do any of you remember Dolly Partin's song, Potential New Boyfriend?? LOL! Go listen to it & laugh with me!! ROFL!!

But seriously, I met this girl through Emmaus and actually worked sorta with her on the last Young Adult Chrysalis and when she gave her talk, I heard her say something my sweet son had said... she was waiting for God to bring the right guy into her life.

My heart kinda jumped as I thought, "Oh my goodness?? Could this be a nudge from You, God?" It took about a month, but through another Emmaus friend, the bug was put in their ears about each other & their first time ever meeting each other was a canoe trip down the Rockcastle River.. in the rain.. with our whole family. LOL!

This little gal has the sweetest personality & she's so loving & generous with that love. She feels like my own daughter already. Matter of fact, she is very close to both my husband and me, and we told Baby Boy after the first week, "Son, if it doesn't work out for you two, we think you should know, we're keeping her anyway." LOL!

And so now, almost a month later, they are praying about whether this is the relationship He wanted for each of them, if they are to move forward with the goal of marriage sometime in the future. And all I can do is stand back and be amazed at how much pains God takes with the desires of our hearts, and how much He has to love us to take the time to deal so closely and so personally in such matters. Woo!! He is just SO GOOD!!

I am trying to be patient, trying to just wait, just hold on & see His work and His plan fulfill itself. I don't wanna mess any of it up by trying to hurry things along. I'm just so glad to see my boy happy and feeling complete for the first time & so happy to have such a dear friend filling that role.

Woo!!! Praise Jesus!! \0/

sluggish...

That's me. I've been like an absolute slug for the past four or five days. Sleeping WAY more than normal & still never feeling really rested. I've been wearing my C-PAP machine at night and everything, but still feeling just lousy. Ugh!

I really think part of it has been depression. Not sure WHY exactly. Nothing really going on to make me feel any more depressed than normal. I mean, well, hopefully you *know* what I mean... just that there's nothing going on that would make me feel any different than usual. I am always feeling some level of depression, it's just that most of the time, no one notices it. It's not so severe that I can't function, ya know?

But the past few days... SHEESH! Maybe part of it was because The Man was out of town for a couple of days for work. ?? I dunno. I mean, that usually doesn't make me any worse. It's not like he's never done that before, ya know? And there's really no drama going on in my life right now. I have just felt like crap-ola for the past few days.

BUT... thank God, today, FINALLY, I started feeling more like myself. The Man was off work yesterday because of Good Friday, and so he ran around and did some errands, then he worked on building some kinda contraption to haul the canoe in the back of our pickup instead of tying it on top where the straps would rub ... can't have that on the spiffy pickup now can we?? Nope! :)

So, I slept most all day yesterday, then this morning, he got up early-ish to go on a day trip with our Babiest Boy, Casey. They packed up and left me laying in the bed. That was fine with me. I sure haven't felt up to trying any of these hiking trips with them. I'll have to tell you about the one where all three guys went on a 15+ mile hike. Oh boy, was that a doosey!

Anyhow, around noon, I dragged myself out of bed and actually felt almost human. I wasn't ready to crawl back into bed after an hour or so, which was a great improvement. When The Man called me around 3pm to say they were almost back, and wanted to know if a friend of mine had called to let me know that she was coming to our church's Saturday service, I told him I was actually feeling some better. He wanted to know if my friend was coming to know if he needed to hurry to make it home in time for us to go or not. She hadn't called, so he and Case took their time. He called again around 5pm to tell me that our oldest son & his wife, who had gone for a short hike in another county, had locked themselves out of their vehicle and did I want to go down with him and Case to unlock their car. I said I did.

In the meantime, just shortly after the guys had made it home, my friend called asking if I was at the church!! I called to see if she was by herself, and if so, I would have had the guys drop me off at church before they went to help the kids, but her husband and another couple had come with, so I made my excuses and rode out to a place called Turkey Foot to "rescue" Corey & Melissa.

They drove me around the camping area there so I could see what it was like. This is a place they want to make a first hike for me when the weather warms up. With my Yucky Foot, I'm a little leary of trekking too far, so we're gonna start with something short for me.

Anyhow, the kids wanted to treat me and Tommy to supper for the trouble, which was so sweet of them, and around that time, a couple of the kids from our former church called to say they were in our town & wanted to eat with us, so we just headed toward home instead of eating in Jackson County.

We met up at DQ and I had SUCH a fun time laughing at those silly boys. They are two of the three we sent on the last Emmaus Chrysalis Flights, and they're so much like our own kids, even calling us Mom & Dad most of the time. I laughed so hard & so much I ended up needing my inhaler, which frustrates me because it happens every time I get really tickled, but it was so worth it.

And now it's late, I'm getting ready to head to bed and The Man?? Well, he's decided to sleep outside in his hammock (a camping/hiking tent-hammock... I'll post a pic soon as I find one on here) to see how well he's equipped for these temperatures. LOL... ah, well... so it'll just be me and Tucker in the house tonight. Which is fine as long as Tuck doesn't decide to bark every time The Man comes in the house, which won't be much, I hope.... and if he doesn't snore too loud. At least I can put a C-PAP on The Man. Not so for Tucker, though....

God bless and BLESSED RESURRECTION DAY to you & yours!!

digging out...

Wow... it's been SO long since I had a blog with, well, with lots of things. Like regular posts, fancy gadgets, um, readers!

I don't quite know what to do with myself. But I do want to say THANK YOU for the wonderful, encouraging comments. You don't know how much they've done for me. :)

Back on the topic of depression... the last couple of days, I've been able to get up several hours earlier. That's a step in the right direction. I wasn't this specific before, but I have been sleeping like 14-18 hours, y'all. Yeah, HOURS. I just could NOT make myself get out of bed, other than slogging through the room to let Tucker in and out, and a trip to the bathroom, I was sacked out sleeping like a dead woman. Totally zonked and just UNable to make myself wake up.

Of course that meant I was also missing my morning meds, which includes a huge dose of thyroid (duh, the metabolism regulating hormone?!) I was diagnosed with Grave's Disease back in 1999, and since my heart rate was near 190, I was immediately put on beta blockers, had to stop breastfeeding my baby (my second & last child) and was sent to an endocrinologist for further treatment of the Grave's. The nurses there kept telling me how much better I was going to feel once they got this under control. I'd quit feeling SO tired and stop being perpetually "too hot" & sweating ALL the time and I'd have SO much MORE energy.

Yeah. Whatever. It didn't happen like that AT ALL!! The endo decided a radioactive iodine treatment, or I-131, was the best way to go. Sounds creepy, I know and I wish in the worst way that I'd had the wisdom to seek a second opinion back then, I was just SO eager to start feeling better!! I never gave it a thought and forged ahead.

ANYhow... after the I-131 treatment, my thyroid production was not decreased, but it CEASED. I mean, it went from about 5x above normal to almost immeasurable... hovering barely above zero!! I could tell the endo wasn't expecting that & definitely not so suddenly. I was to have a blood draw at my regular doc's instead of driving to Lexington to the edno's office, and the results sent to him two weeks after the treatment. They called & wanted me up there pronto once they got those results & instead of the usual month or more before going on thyroid replacement meds, I was on them in two weeks. And a high dose of them, too.

Even now, if I have to go to a different pharmacy than my usual one (where my sweet cousin is the druggist!) they always question my dosage of thyroid. It's more than double what is considered "normal". *sigh* Yeah, so ... I dunno if the endo over-dosed me with the radioiodine or if my body just really needed more thyroid than most, but anyhow, now I have a very sluggish metabolism and missing my thyroid meds is NOT a good thing. I know that's just added to my lethargy but if I don't take that by noon, I am not supposed to take it. It is affected by dosage timing, so... if I miss that rather large window of opportunity, I just miss out for the day. I know, I KNOW... alarm clock. But see, you act as though you're talking to a practical, functional person... and when I'm this deep in a depression...you're just NOT, okay?

So, yeah, I had been up and sorta going while it was still morning the last few days. I've worked on a project I have coming up for our Emmaus Community. I even went to a reunion group meeting last Thursday. And do you know, I mean THIS is how good God is, there were two ladies there that I hadn't met before. One of them sat right across the table from me. And when I shared that my biggest struggle was & had been this debilitating depression, SHE TOUCHED MY ARM & SAID, "I've been going through the same thing. I know exactly what you're talking about." And she really did, too. We talked a little more about how destructive depression can be and how hard it is to 'make it' make sense to someone who's never experienced it.

See how God looks after me? :) He's awesome like that and I really needed the reminder that He's always there for me.

Today, I got out of the house and ran around Lexington with my hubby and kids. We did not one single solitary thing that could possibly be construed as constructive or productive. But it was good for me. I walked and walked around in the mall with Melissa. I enjoyed good meals with her, Tommy, both my sons and one "adopted" son, a friend of theirs from church. I laughed my head off at their snowball fights in restaurant parking lots and monkey calls in the middle of department stores.

I may not have accomplished a thing, but I feel blessed, and I feel hopeful. And folks, it's been way too long since I felt a glimmer of hope.

Life is good, just like the God Who gives it.

Blessings...

more Christmas 2012...

Sheesh!! I got all caught up in telling about my great eBay finds, I forgot to tell you all how great our now-traditional Christmas Morning breakfast went!!

For about 5 years now, Tommy and I have been hosting a family gathering at our home on Christmas Morning. This has to be juggled around a bit on the years when Christmas falls on a Sunday, but the rest of the time, it's pretty peaceful & this year was especially awesome.

We have family from both sides here... my parents, our kids, including of course, our daughter-in-law and usually at least one or two friends who don't have family around here. We also have Tommy's parents here and for the past couple of years, that also includes my mother-in-law's mentally handicapped sister.

This year, we had just my one friend whose sons were my boys' best friends growing up. Two of her three sons are now in the military, one of those is married with a family of his own, the other is stationed in California and the other lives around here, but had celebrated with his mom earlier. Corey did a neat thing and called one of the boys on iPhone's facetime, then handed the phone to my friend, so she got to see and chat with her youngest.

The really amazing thing about this year was how my parents hung around for games and stuff. Normally Christmas is a really hard time for my mom. Her mother passed away on Christmas morning about 6 years ago, so she's usually pretty sullen along with being tired because she pushes herself so much.

I am not sure what happened this year, but I pray it's a new tradition. She and Daddy both will usually be ready to go as soon as the meal is over, but Mom came to me and suggested we play a game.

Now folks, THAT is an odd request coming from my mother. Tommy's parents play games all the time and they usually end up staying hours and hours on Christmas morning because our Casey loves Monopoly about as much as they do. I seldom ever play that with them because I can't stand how long it drags on, but they all love it.

ANYway, so Mom suggests a game. I know she won't enjoy something like Monopoly, so I pull out Taboo. We ALL played that for over an hour and had the best time!! So much so, that for New Year's Eve, Mom asked that we all come up for supper and bring the game with us!

It was really amazing and SUCH a fun time. When we normally are left feeling like... I dunno, like anyone would feel if someone just wanted to take off as soon as possible instead of joining in any fun and games. Kinda like a slap, ya know? But not this year. I really hope this is a new tradition!

lows, migraines & a stroke?

So, last Friday morning, my poor daughter-in-law, Melissa, got word that her grandmother had finally passed away after a long, hard battle with cancer. She called me around 7am, but I didn't know it.

I must have answered the phone, I remember looking at it and seeing that it was Mel, but then all I remember is not knowing what to do with the phone. *sigh* My sugar was low. Thank God she called because lately, Tommy's been leaving me asleep when he goes to work!!

He tried to get me to talk to him, but I don't remember any of that. He said I was not able to communicate so he checked my sugar, which was 58. That's not very low, not low enough to affect my speech at least.

He brought me some grape juice, which I promptly drank down. I don't remember too much then til the next time he checked my sugar. I don't know if I went back to sleep or what, but the kids, Corey and Melissa, were there by this time. My sugar was up to 118, but I still couldn't put my words together and at this point, I KNEW it too.

My head was killing me at this point. The left side around my eye was just pounding and it didn't seem to ease up no matter what I did. I apparently kept complaining about it or rubbing it because someone brought me an ice pack. That helped a little but then it would get too cold and I'd have to take it off.

By the time I could understand and realize what was going on, Tommy & the kids were discussing what to do with me. *weeps* I hate when I am incapacitated like that. Feels like I'm such a failure, even if I know there's nothing I can do about it, I just feel like such a heavy burden to my family. :(

Anyhow, I was able to speak a little by now although I had to think a little harder to put my sentences together. I was really scared. And yes, they all thought I was having a stroke. They said the right side of my face was a little droopy, but I couldn't tell that it was.

I started to get up and get some clothes on to head to the hospital. I was still feeling very weak, but could talk a little better all the time. We'd about decided not to go by the time I had my shoes on, but then suddenly, I got sick & ran Corey over on my way to the bathroom to throw up.

Weird.

We went to the ER, of course. By the time I was there, my sugar was around 200. I had a horrific migraine but the sick feeling was gone and I could speak okay for the most part. It still was taking a little extra effort to choose my words, but nothing like the difficulty I'd had before.

We ended up being in the ER for about 3 hours, having blood work and a urine test and a CT scan to check for stroke.

Everything came back normal. The migraine was still as bad as ever, though. They'd given me some pathetic "migraine cocktail" that included acetaminophen, ibuprofen, benedryl and caffeine. They gave me that within about 45 minutes of my arrival and it did NOTHING for the pain. I was in tears for a good hour or so the pain was so bad.

The ER doctor asked if I took migraine meds and I told him no. I hadn't had one in a few years. So he asked what I'd taken before that worked and I told him Lortab. He, of course, didn't want to give me that. I told him I'd tried Maxalt, Midrin and Axert with no results, but the Lortab allowed me to rest and sometimes sleep off the migraine. He finally agreed to give me a dose there, but sent me home with naprosen (what a joke!) and a zithro pack for what he thought might be a sinus infection.

What a waste!! Thank God, though, the pain started easing about 30 minutes after the Lortab & by the time I got home, it was almost gone.

I still have no clue what happened to me. It was SO scary. It's been a long time since I've been unable to communicate like that, and then it was always with a much lower blood sugar than 58. I'm just thankful God brought me through it and hope & pray that I learned whatever it was He wanted to teach me.

I feel horrible knowing that Melissa was in tears when she called me and I wasn't able to comfort her. You just can't imagine how awful that feels unless you've been there.

And I hope you never are.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

Not so much HERE, but I'm trying. I had some fall colored template on here that is one of the standard issue from Blogger, but thought, as I'm thinking for the house too, once I finally can see the floor again, that I'd just go ahead & decorate for Christmas since between Thanksgiving and then it gets to be so hectic and this year it'll be doubly so! After thinking we'd forego our trip to the cabin this year, we have reserved a four bedroom in Gatlingburg for the first week of December. We started going in 2009 after talking it over with the rest of the family, in lieu of making several gatherings and exchanging gifts. We spend about a week at a cabin with grandparents and all, so it ends up being three generations together. Hopefully, the next trip we make, we'll have a fourth generation with us, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. ;) Last year somehow wasn't nearly as fun. My sister, who comes down on Mom and Dad's dime and sleeps in the main living area on a sleeper sofa, was pretty whiny/complaining last year. She must have got the hint from everyone avoiding her or else Mom told her she'd need to keep the griping to herself or stay home this year. Anyhow, we each chip in a portion, depending on how long we stay (Tommy and I and the kids all stay the entire week, while my parents and Tommy's split the week) and whether or not we have our own bedroom, so it makes it much more affordable. We mostly just hang out in the cabin, watching movies, playing games, cooking/eating and soaking in the hot tub. Last year, it snowed a LOT and was just gorgeous! Anyhow, since everyone but us and my sister will be in the process of moving, it's going to be chaotic before long, so we thought we'd need to just skip going to the cabin, but Casey pointed out that would be a big reason to go! To destress and relax some. So... we're going! Yay. Now to save up enough money to afford our part of the cabin, our part of the food and enough to go out to eat at least once and hopefully shop a little. *sigh* I don't know how that's gonna work out, but Lord willing, we'll be able to scratch up some extra for that. Gotta get... time for evening services! God bless... G~

the hard things

Sometimes it's REALLY hard to do the things you need to or should do. Like for instance we have recently left the church we've belonged to for over 14 years. And this isn't the first time we've left there.

The first time was when Corey, our eldest, was about to graduate over into the "teen group" at church. The fella in charge of the teens at that time was a divorcee with small children. He was nice enough, but I had problems with the fact that they let him mentor the teenagers, besides the fact that they'd let him preach too. (See I Timothy 3:2 for the reasons why this is wrong) But beyond that, I knew because Tommy and I were game leaders and had interaction with all of the kids, that there had to be some problems with what the teens were being taught from the behavior we saw out of them. One girl had come up to Tommy and done this stretchy sort of "dance" in front of him! On several other occasions we heard two or three of the girls talking about another in a pointedly loud way so that she could hear. And none of what they said was nice.

Of course, all that stuff could be attributed to how they were being raised, so even though we weren't comfortable with the man, we hadn't decided to leave then. However, when I came out after youth classes one night and found one of the teen girls on this "preacher's" back, arms and legs wrapped around him?? Well, THAT was the deciding factor. We took it to two different deacons and prayed. When the deacons took it to the pastor, he blew it off, so we promptly left.

What followed was about two years of going to just about every baptist church in our county and several in other counties, a short stint in one church where we were taken advantage of and used and then another horrible few months where the church almost broke up our marriage. Yes, you read that right. Maybe I'll go into that sometime but I don't feel up to it right now. I'll just give you these: legalistic, judgmental, false doctrine.

So anyhow, we ended up going back to this church after all that turmoil and the divorced preacher was no longer there, but we never knew for sure if he left on his own or was finally put out. But anyhow, we've been back there for almost 10 years I guess, and things are still just "not right". And it's hard to leave because having a church home is like having a regular home! It's where you know people that care about you, help you with your problems, where you feel comfortable and can best worship and serve the Lord. But when there's something just "wrong" in the leadership, it makes the church "sick". When there are favored "cliques" in the church, when the preaching is no longer solely or consistently to honor God, but sometimes turns into a rant or some private tongue lashing for certain members... then the Lord is anything but glorified or honored.

Part of what we love about the church is that the old hymns are sung there. And we used to really love the preaching. Granted, I know the pastor is getting older and that probably has a little to do with the changes in his preaching, but the other, behind-the-scenes things we see out of him and his wife have nothing to do with age.

You see, Corey was kind of trained in how to run the media for the church... do the directing and editing for the services to be aired on tv. He loves that kind of stuff and has brought the program a long way from what it had been after the not-exactly-assistant pastor left. (long story, but they never called him as assistant pastor, but that's the capacity he worked in most of the time, other than he was given no authority. They really did treat him pretty bad once he announced that he was leaving, though) So now Corey is doing the entire media thing himself. The pastor, I guess, thought he'd keep Corey from asking for more money or equipment ?? but a man who had worked with the media at another church started coming and pastor asked him to sit in a see what Corey was doing. The man told him he was doing the work of about five people and he wouldn't touch it with a 10-foot pole!! Yeah... and for over three years now, my son has sat in a room directing church services. He hasn't participated in a worship service in all that time. The only time he and his wife have been able to attend church together is when they took off and went somewhere else. There's one other lady that used to work with that stuff back when there was MUCH less of it, and she fills in for him once in awhile when he has to be gone. But she can't edit and it's a lot more work for him to have to edit what she directs... Anyway, my big problem with all this is that not once has the leadership ever thought that maybe, just maybe Corey and the other KIDS who run the cameras might want to actually sit in a service instead of having to work through it. Trust me, it's not as simple as you'd think and it is in NO WAY the same as being there. There is NO WAY one can "get" what they need from a sermon when they're running a camera or directing. To my mind, you can correct me if I'm wrong, but seems that the leadership should be concerned enough about these people's spiritual needs enough to make sure there is somehow they can at least occasionally get fed. But they don't, they haven't and I can't see that changing any time soon.

And so we've left this very much old-fashioned church steeped in tradition and very set in the old ways. Not that we have ONE SINGLE THING against that. We don't and matter of fact, that's the reason we loved the church to begin with... it wasn't trying to be all modern and contemporary. But somewhere along the line the keeping with tradition has turned into more like being critically judgmental of anyone who isn't doing what pastor and the elect think they should. It's not quite as overt as that sounds, but the fact remains that this is exactly what's going on there.

I didn't plan for this to be about "what's wrong" with the church, but more about the huge difference and big change we've made. So, this new church? Well, it's grown from a church that's been around for quite a long while. They got a young pastor and suddenly the started just bursting at the seams... literally! They abandoned the original church house and started holding services in the convention center in town and finally built a new facility. But it's about as non-traditional and modern as you can get! However, it's not like most churches attempt this. I'll see if I can explain.

Most of the time when you find a church that's trying to be more contemporary, they're mainly trying to attract people. They will start doing different music, which none of the older people like usually. They'll come up with snazzy-sounding names for jazzed up programs for young people and they'll try to seem less "churchy". They totally lose focus of what the real issue is, and that's reaching the community for Jesus.

Somehow, this new church has totally reworked itself without seeming like "that kind" of church. They don't have a traditional altar with a pulpit. It's a stage, actually, with two huge screens on either side that show what the media ministry is recording. The pastor sits on a stool beside a small table. He has all his scripture projected onto a smaller screen that is rolled in beside him. His points are also put there. And recently, he's begun putting his sermon notes and scriptures on YouVersion so that you can use your phone or iPad to take notes and such. The music is anything but traditional. It's straight out of the Christian Pop/Rock genre, complete with drums, several electric guitars and keyboards. There are colored lights that sometimes move around and occasionally, they will use smoke, too. It's set up just like a concert. O.o There are no pews. Just rows of seats and the "auditorium" is quite dark during the song portion and only slightly lit during the sermon.

It is THE TOTAL OPPOSITE of the church we belong to. Do we like all these things? Not completely, no. I miss singing in the choir, I miss the traditional hymns. I miss Sunday School (the new church has two morning services and then "community groups", which is like SS, in the evening). But I DON'T miss leaving church feeling worse than when I came in and that's what's been happening at our old church.

The leadership, from the top down, has become very prideful, as best I can tell. There's no real love for people, no real concern for their needs. There are literally over 100 kids who regularly come to the youth program mid-week. There's no real budget for providing for the needs of that program. The man put in charge seems to be just the first one they could get to say yes, and he is the most ill-equipped man to deal with a bunch of rowdy, mostly-ADD-type kids. He has zero patience, by his actions and his own admission, and no love for those kids. Nobody wants to take responsibility for anything or take credit for it all, accordingly. It's just ridiculous and we just didn't feel like we could continue to support the situation.

Is this the church we want to permanently move to? I don't think so, but maybe. Right now, we're dealing with my parents, who also belong to the same church as us, feeling as if we've jumped ship. As if we've lost our minds and gone "radical", like we've abandoned the Bible or something. It hurts, especially when they don't know everything. We've been contacted by all of one person from church. A good friend of Tommy's and a deacon. He seemed maybe a little betrayed. At least that's how he came across. Other people on facebook have asked if we're okay, about three people, I think. Out of a congregation of over 300?

*sigh* It's just been a rough month. I just want to do what's pleasing to the Lord. I don't want to make a decision that's out of His will for us, or to hurt anyone's feelings, but something had to happen. We'd been hurting and worrying and being dissatisfied with how people were being treated. We had to make a change. Lord willing we'll have a clear answer as to what we're to do.

bleh...

I hate it when I get like this. *sigh*

How is "this"? Well, it's a totally overwhelmed, anti-focus, hurts-to-think-about-all-the-stuff-I-need-to-get-done kinda thing. And of course, I would get a bad case of it when my house is in utter chaos.

I was working on sanding some of the holes Tommy had patched up in the little bedroom yesterday, and getting started on painting the trim in there when Mom called. She had been really sick all day with that whatever-it-is she gets that keeps her running to the bathroom all day til she basically has nothing of substance in her body. ANYway...my aunt had called to tell her she had a bunch of greens for us. Of course, Mom didn't want any in her condition and she didn't feel like driving out to pick them up either. So I stopped what I was doing, cleaned up a bit and drove out there.

Sis (that's what we've always called my mom's oldest sister) had a black garbage bag FULL of the most huge 'greens' I'd ever seen! I came home, divvied some out for my sister to take & set about the washing process and heating up a huge pot of water to parboil them in. Needless to say, I didn't get back to my painting, but boy, those green WERE really delicious.

I think I must have eaten more than I should have because today, my intestines are not so happy. Still, it was worth it. I could LIVE on greens if they weren't so much trouble AND if they didn't cause me so much intestinal distress. *urgh*

Woke up today with a major sinus headache to add to my lower-body chaos, so I haven't got anything done except brewing up a pot of coffee and catching up with my peeps online. *sigh* Besides, I won't be doing much in the bedroom today anyhow... I HAVE to do laundry. The guys are fishing socks out of the laundry basket piled up on the couch and this morning, I had to dig to find what was probably the last clean pair of underwear Tommy has. *sheesh!* So... it's laundry today... and the family room is SUCH a mess, I hate to take the stuff in there to fold & sort.... Maybe I'll make up the bed, which is always semi-piled at the footboard. What a mess! And with the holidays approaching, as they ALWAYS are anytime we try to do any "gussy-ing" up of the house, I'm getting frantic.... but then again, I'm kinda too tired to be TOO frantic, ya know?

I'm supposed to go with some friends from high school to Lexington to see an Etta Mae show Friday. I've never seen her in person, but two of the girls who live in Lexington now go see her often. They say she's even funnier in person. A couple of London gals are driving up there, so I'm going to ride with them if I go.

Part of the time I'm all like, "YAY! What a fun thing to do! Yesss!" then other times I'm like, "Nah. I don't feel like it and what's the use of going anyway.." Ick. I hate when I feel that way. I probably NEED to go. I SHOULD go, seeing as Tommy has gone on numerous fun-with-buddies things over the years. Eh... I dunno. We'll see what happens, I guess.

Okie doke, I gotta get busy on this laundry.

Blessings...

G~

living alone... sorta

So this is a first.  My hubby's gone into the great "white" north with some buddies on a he-man fishing/canoe trip for a week!  Seriously, he's over 1,000 miles away from home & will soon be out of our cell service area.  ACK!

We've never taken vacations apart.  Well, actually, we've never really taken vacations as in "This is the week we always go *here* for vacation!  Can't wait!"  No.  We don't do that.  Our vacations, the few we've actually had, are always kinda spur of the moment & very sporadic & totally dependent on how our finances look at the time.

We have started going to a cabin with the family the first week of December for Christmas instead of buying gifts or putting the gathering on one home to deal with.  That's been nice & will be a great tradition, Lord willing, The "tradition" of the past two years has been for us to head out Sunday after church: me, Tommy, all the kids plus my parents (& since they're going, my sister as well). They usually stay til Wednesday & then kinda "switch out" with Tommy's parents with a meal all together in between. Well, not last year. My sister complained so much that she was bored most of the time that Mom & Dad left before Tommy's parents got there. Or maybe they were just sick of us. You never quite know with them.
So anyway, last year, we ended up with an extra night (perks of being a return client who rents a 3-bedroom cabin!) so we got one night "alone" with just the kids, which was nice. It can be pretty stressful sometimes, all that togetherness. *heh*
So yeah, Tommy's gone off on a he-man adventure. I'm glad he got to go, but a bit irritated by it too. He just does stuff that I never would, ya know? For instance, I wouldn't ever pursue spending this much money on something just for me. I never have. He has several times. I'm trying not to let this turn into a bash-fest, but I want to be honest about that rankling me a bit. He knows it, so don't think I'm sneaking off to gripe about him behind his back. I've griped about him to his face already. ;Þ
Anyhows, yep, it's just me here and it's so different. I am sometimes concerned that if *something* happens, what will I do? Obviously, I don't have any clue what *something* is, but am well aware that it could be anything! Whether or not it would warrant my worrying is a whole 'nother thing altogether, though. I mean, I'm surrounded by family who would, after all, help me if the dreaded *something* were to actually occur. I'd much rather have Tommy here with me, though, just ... I dunno, just because. But then on the flip side, what if something happened to him? How would I get to him if needed? I suppose one of the boys would drive with me all the way up there...
I'm actually not one to work herself into a frenzy concocting wild scenarios of possible disasters. I've been blessed to have been brought through some pretty nasty times and that has made me realize that no matter what, Jesus is firmly in control and my worrying is all for naught. A total waste of time (& kinda an insult to Him, ya know?) and so I call those horrible times a blessing because without them, I would not know the kind of peace that I do at times when other people would worry.
As you've probably figured out by now, this post really has no point. I just had the time to sit and think without interruption, which doesn't happen often when Tommy's here, so I thought I'd just write a bit. My apologies if you were expecting something profound. ;)
Thanks for stopping by!
G~