That's me. I've been like an absolute slug for the past four or five days. Sleeping WAY more than normal & still never feeling really rested. I've been wearing my C-PAP machine at night and everything, but still feeling just lousy. Ugh!
I really think part of it has been depression. Not sure WHY exactly. Nothing really going on to make me feel any more depressed than normal. I mean, well, hopefully you *know* what I mean... just that there's nothing going on that would make me feel any different than usual. I am always feeling some level of depression, it's just that most of the time, no one notices it. It's not so severe that I can't function, ya know?
But the past few days... SHEESH! Maybe part of it was because The Man was out of town for a couple of days for work. ?? I dunno. I mean, that usually doesn't make me any worse. It's not like he's never done that before, ya know? And there's really no drama going on in my life right now. I have just felt like crap-ola for the past few days.
BUT... thank God, today, FINALLY, I started feeling more like myself. The Man was off work yesterday because of Good Friday, and so he ran around and did some errands, then he worked on building some kinda contraption to haul the canoe in the back of our pickup instead of tying it on top where the straps would rub ... can't have that on the spiffy pickup now can we?? Nope! :)
So, I slept most all day yesterday, then this morning, he got up early-ish to go on a day trip with our Babiest Boy, Casey. They packed up and left me laying in the bed. That was fine with me. I sure haven't felt up to trying any of these hiking trips with them. I'll have to tell you about the one where all three guys went on a 15+ mile hike. Oh boy, was that a doosey!
Anyhow, around noon, I dragged myself out of bed and actually felt almost human. I wasn't ready to crawl back into bed after an hour or so, which was a great improvement. When The Man called me around 3pm to say they were almost back, and wanted to know if a friend of mine had called to let me know that she was coming to our church's Saturday service, I told him I was actually feeling some better. He wanted to know if my friend was coming to know if he needed to hurry to make it home in time for us to go or not. She hadn't called, so he and Case took their time. He called again around 5pm to tell me that our oldest son & his wife, who had gone for a short hike in another county, had locked themselves out of their vehicle and did I want to go down with him and Case to unlock their car. I said I did.
In the meantime, just shortly after the guys had made it home, my friend called asking if I was at the church!! I called to see if she was by herself, and if so, I would have had the guys drop me off at church before they went to help the kids, but her husband and another couple had come with, so I made my excuses and rode out to a place called Turkey Foot to "rescue" Corey & Melissa.
They drove me around the camping area there so I could see what it was like. This is a place they want to make a first hike for me when the weather warms up. With my Yucky Foot, I'm a little leary of trekking too far, so we're gonna start with something short for me.
Anyhow, the kids wanted to treat me and Tommy to supper for the trouble, which was so sweet of them, and around that time, a couple of the kids from our former church called to say they were in our town & wanted to eat with us, so we just headed toward home instead of eating in Jackson County.
We met up at DQ and I had SUCH a fun time laughing at those silly boys. They are two of the three we sent on the last Emmaus Chrysalis Flights, and they're so much like our own kids, even calling us Mom & Dad most of the time. I laughed so hard & so much I ended up needing my inhaler, which frustrates me because it happens every time I get really tickled, but it was so worth it.
And now it's late, I'm getting ready to head to bed and The Man?? Well, he's decided to sleep outside in his hammock (a camping/hiking tent-hammock... I'll post a pic soon as I find one on here) to see how well he's equipped for these temperatures. LOL... ah, well... so it'll just be me and Tucker in the house tonight. Which is fine as long as Tuck doesn't decide to bark every time The Man comes in the house, which won't be much, I hope.... and if he doesn't snore too loud. At least I can put a C-PAP on The Man. Not so for Tucker, though....
God bless and BLESSED RESURRECTION DAY to you & yours!!
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
yippee!!
YAY!!!! I was up & STAYED up since about 8:30 am today!!
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?
I barely can. But yep, I'm up & not necessarily getting a lot accomplished, but hey y'all, just being awake & out of bed at this hour is a huge accomplishment for me when you look at how much I've been sleeping lately.
And, another praise report, the past few days, my blood sugars have been really good! It had got to the point that they were hovering in the 200's almost all the time, or higher after food. Seemed like nothing I did helped. But now they are comfortably residing in the 100's. It was actually 102 this morning when I got up, so thank You, Jesus for that!! :)
I really need to get busy doing something. The house, as you might have guessed, has gone completely to the dogs. And speaking of dogs, my poor Tucker needs a bath in a major way. Actually he and I both need trips to the barber!!
I started noticing my hair coming out in great number almost a year ago. Maybe in mid-spring of last year. I mean, usually anyone with a thyroid condition does loose a bit more hair than most people, but this was even more than "normal" for me. The doctor wanted to know if it was more than 100 hairs.
O.o
Are you kidding me? I don't know, I didn't count! Sheesh! So I scooped up what was left stuck to the drain after I washed my hair, pulled the new "wig" fodder out of my hair brush that I'd been cleaning every day, and stuck them in a baggie. Next doctor visit, I plopped it down on her desk. She was speechless for a second. Hahaha.
Anyhow, so since she's already checked my thyroid & found no problems there (that would cause the hair loss) she looked at my meds. She said the only Rx I had that could possibly be causing this was my blood pressure med, so I was switched to a new one.
And TAH-DAH!! That seemed to do the trick. In a few weeks, I noticed the amount of drain & brush hair was markedly decreased. So in all that time, I didn't go to my stylist because even though the hair was coming out, there was new growth behind it, so I had like a bazillion different hair lengths... some of course, right around my face. At this point, that particularly bothersome patch of hair is about 5 inches long... and all the surrounding hair is more like 12-14 inches long. Oh yay. :\ It looks ridiculous and it's getting harder to hide it.
I really NEED to go get my hair cut. But it takes forever to get in with my favorite gal... and I actually hate getting my hair cut.
Yes, I hate it. Why? I'm not sure unless it's because of all the traumatic experiences I had with salons as a child. My mother was constantly trying to get some curl in my hair, so perms galore, then I guess she just gave up at one point & had me in this what she called "pixie" hair cut. I looked like a boy. A very angry boy.
Gah!
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?
I barely can. But yep, I'm up & not necessarily getting a lot accomplished, but hey y'all, just being awake & out of bed at this hour is a huge accomplishment for me when you look at how much I've been sleeping lately.
And, another praise report, the past few days, my blood sugars have been really good! It had got to the point that they were hovering in the 200's almost all the time, or higher after food. Seemed like nothing I did helped. But now they are comfortably residing in the 100's. It was actually 102 this morning when I got up, so thank You, Jesus for that!! :)
I really need to get busy doing something. The house, as you might have guessed, has gone completely to the dogs. And speaking of dogs, my poor Tucker needs a bath in a major way. Actually he and I both need trips to the barber!!
I started noticing my hair coming out in great number almost a year ago. Maybe in mid-spring of last year. I mean, usually anyone with a thyroid condition does loose a bit more hair than most people, but this was even more than "normal" for me. The doctor wanted to know if it was more than 100 hairs.
O.o
Are you kidding me? I don't know, I didn't count! Sheesh! So I scooped up what was left stuck to the drain after I washed my hair, pulled the new "wig" fodder out of my hair brush that I'd been cleaning every day, and stuck them in a baggie. Next doctor visit, I plopped it down on her desk. She was speechless for a second. Hahaha.
Anyhow, so since she's already checked my thyroid & found no problems there (that would cause the hair loss) she looked at my meds. She said the only Rx I had that could possibly be causing this was my blood pressure med, so I was switched to a new one.
And TAH-DAH!! That seemed to do the trick. In a few weeks, I noticed the amount of drain & brush hair was markedly decreased. So in all that time, I didn't go to my stylist because even though the hair was coming out, there was new growth behind it, so I had like a bazillion different hair lengths... some of course, right around my face. At this point, that particularly bothersome patch of hair is about 5 inches long... and all the surrounding hair is more like 12-14 inches long. Oh yay. :\ It looks ridiculous and it's getting harder to hide it.
I really NEED to go get my hair cut. But it takes forever to get in with my favorite gal... and I actually hate getting my hair cut.
Yes, I hate it. Why? I'm not sure unless it's because of all the traumatic experiences I had with salons as a child. My mother was constantly trying to get some curl in my hair, so perms galore, then I guess she just gave up at one point & had me in this what she called "pixie" hair cut. I looked like a boy. A very angry boy.
Gah!
Friday, February 8, 2013
aw, crap!
I guess I might have overdone it yesterday. At least I hope that's what it is. I have been exhausted today. Completely wiped out! *sigh* I guess I got my hopes up a little bit too soon. And that's not a new thing to me. My poor mother, love her heart, has always griped at me for "doing too much". She could never understand why I insisted that when I felt good, I HAD to do as much as possible. Which in years past, involved doing all sorts of stuff for my boys during our homeschooling years.
I never understood how she, the woman who, to this day, will run herself ragged doing for others, couldn't see why I felt it was my duty to do all I could for my boys. She is of the opinion that my health issues should take presedence. I know she is concerned because I am, after all, still "her baby", her firstborn. But she has trouble I guess seeing me as a mom too. Funny how that is, even when her only grandchildren, my two sons, and my daughter-in-law (!) are grown and on their own now... I'm still her little girl. My mommy is so funny that way. And I love her for it, but it sometimes makes me crazy. *heh*
So now my boys are grown and I'm not the homeschool mommy anymore and I don't often have to put myself out very much. I like to be involved in our church and of course in our Emmaus community. That's really my whole life besides my family. With my daughter-in-law working now, and all of the kids working so much with the teens at their church, we don't get together with them as much these days.
Anyhow, seems I maybe overdid it yesterday & now I'm drooping a bit. But the hubs & I have a leadership workshop at church in the morning and we're suppose to help set up, so I need to have my big ol' butt in the bed because 7 am comes early... a whole heckuva lot earlier than noon, right?
God bless!!
I never understood how she, the woman who, to this day, will run herself ragged doing for others, couldn't see why I felt it was my duty to do all I could for my boys. She is of the opinion that my health issues should take presedence. I know she is concerned because I am, after all, still "her baby", her firstborn. But she has trouble I guess seeing me as a mom too. Funny how that is, even when her only grandchildren, my two sons, and my daughter-in-law (!) are grown and on their own now... I'm still her little girl. My mommy is so funny that way. And I love her for it, but it sometimes makes me crazy. *heh*
So now my boys are grown and I'm not the homeschool mommy anymore and I don't often have to put myself out very much. I like to be involved in our church and of course in our Emmaus community. That's really my whole life besides my family. With my daughter-in-law working now, and all of the kids working so much with the teens at their church, we don't get together with them as much these days.
Anyhow, seems I maybe overdid it yesterday & now I'm drooping a bit. But the hubs & I have a leadership workshop at church in the morning and we're suppose to help set up, so I need to have my big ol' butt in the bed because 7 am comes early... a whole heckuva lot earlier than noon, right?
God bless!!
Thursday, February 7, 2013
things are lookin' up...
Wow! I was up by noon today! Go me! Seriously, if you have been reading here, or paying attention, you know I've been doing some major sleeping lately. Til way up in the afternoon! So to get out of bed for good by noon is a major step for me! Lord willing, just switching the time I take those blood pressure meds.. oh, and using my C-PAP machine will fix this problem.
I may not have gotten up then except the phone kept ringing. A couple of times it was sales calls, which I hang up on. Then it was Mom, checking on me. Then it was my mother-in-law asking if she and my father-in-law could ride with me to an Agape making party (it's an Emmaus thing ;) and then she told me that the blind couple in our community wanted a ride, too. So, okay, yeah, I can do that. We have room in our super-cab pickup for six, so no problem there.
Then about 1 o'clock I got a call from the blind lady asking if I could run them to town, first Walmart then their bank. Seems they'd gotten into some financial strain & needed to transfer some funds before 5 o'clock.
*sigh* I admit it. At first I felt very put upon. But then I prayed for God to take that away and give me a thankfulness that I am able to help them. So, I told her I had to wait because another lady from our Emmaus community was bringing over some craft supplies for tonight, but after she left, I'd be there. That'd be around 2:30.
So the craft supplies lady is a very friendly, jovial woman and she likes to talk. *heh* I found myself looking at the clock and starting to feel irritated. But then I stopped myself and just chatted back with her. And guess what? She probably wasn't here but about 10 minutes or so. And there I was feeling as if she was putting me behind schedule. Thanks, God. :)
I hurried to get my shoes on & gather up my purse & grocery list. Yep, I needed to go to town anyway, so it wasn't really an imposition for me to take this lady with me. I was a little unsure of how much she might slow me down though, since I'd never been grocery shopping with her before.
I felt so bad for them as her mother-in-law, who lives next door & helps take care of this couple, was telling me about the mess they were trying to straighten out. Something about changing when their insurance payments came out and overdrafts and interest... I just felt so bad for her. I know how it feels when something like that happens & it is NO FUN having to ask someone else for help let alone having to tell them why you need the help. :(
So after I was fairly sure both she and I knew what we were supposed to do, we took off. First we did the shopping. They only had three things on their list, but it wasn't hard having her along as I made stops to pick up what I needed. The most annoying part was how people kept stepping in front of us. She was holding onto the cart handle and I had hold of the side or front of the cart, slowing her down or turning her as necessary. Obviously they didn't realize she was blind, but still it was so frustrating! She made a comment about me being "an old pro at this", so I must have done okay comparatively. LOL!
At the checkout, I just positioned her in front of the keypad and let her take care of withdrawing the extra money. I swear, it took less time to do my shopping with her in tow than it usually does for me by myself. Of course, I would have stopped to look at stuff I didn't need if I'd been alone, so she probably saved us a few bucks! LOL! I told her as much, too.
We joked about how she was going to have to find where I'd parked because I'd forgotten. I then took her to their bank, walked her in and let her take care of the deposit there. Then we headed back to her house. I helped carry in the groceries and the little mother-in-law, who is in a wheelchair, just thanked me over & over. I told her it wasn't a problem since I had to go anyway. That seemed to ease her mind a lot.
And now I'm at home, where I discovered that my sugar had gotten a little low, 57... sheesh! And I got all my groceries put away, my low blood sugar treated & sitting here writing this post while I wait for my in-laws to come over so we can ride to pick up the blind couple to go to an Agape making party.
Wow... what a wild & crazy life I lead. And I'm so thankful for it. And SOOOO thankful to be feeling better. God is just good like that.
Blessings~
I may not have gotten up then except the phone kept ringing. A couple of times it was sales calls, which I hang up on. Then it was Mom, checking on me. Then it was my mother-in-law asking if she and my father-in-law could ride with me to an Agape making party (it's an Emmaus thing ;) and then she told me that the blind couple in our community wanted a ride, too. So, okay, yeah, I can do that. We have room in our super-cab pickup for six, so no problem there.
Then about 1 o'clock I got a call from the blind lady asking if I could run them to town, first Walmart then their bank. Seems they'd gotten into some financial strain & needed to transfer some funds before 5 o'clock.
*sigh* I admit it. At first I felt very put upon. But then I prayed for God to take that away and give me a thankfulness that I am able to help them. So, I told her I had to wait because another lady from our Emmaus community was bringing over some craft supplies for tonight, but after she left, I'd be there. That'd be around 2:30.
So the craft supplies lady is a very friendly, jovial woman and she likes to talk. *heh* I found myself looking at the clock and starting to feel irritated. But then I stopped myself and just chatted back with her. And guess what? She probably wasn't here but about 10 minutes or so. And there I was feeling as if she was putting me behind schedule. Thanks, God. :)
I hurried to get my shoes on & gather up my purse & grocery list. Yep, I needed to go to town anyway, so it wasn't really an imposition for me to take this lady with me. I was a little unsure of how much she might slow me down though, since I'd never been grocery shopping with her before.
I felt so bad for them as her mother-in-law, who lives next door & helps take care of this couple, was telling me about the mess they were trying to straighten out. Something about changing when their insurance payments came out and overdrafts and interest... I just felt so bad for her. I know how it feels when something like that happens & it is NO FUN having to ask someone else for help let alone having to tell them why you need the help. :(
So after I was fairly sure both she and I knew what we were supposed to do, we took off. First we did the shopping. They only had three things on their list, but it wasn't hard having her along as I made stops to pick up what I needed. The most annoying part was how people kept stepping in front of us. She was holding onto the cart handle and I had hold of the side or front of the cart, slowing her down or turning her as necessary. Obviously they didn't realize she was blind, but still it was so frustrating! She made a comment about me being "an old pro at this", so I must have done okay comparatively. LOL!
At the checkout, I just positioned her in front of the keypad and let her take care of withdrawing the extra money. I swear, it took less time to do my shopping with her in tow than it usually does for me by myself. Of course, I would have stopped to look at stuff I didn't need if I'd been alone, so she probably saved us a few bucks! LOL! I told her as much, too.
We joked about how she was going to have to find where I'd parked because I'd forgotten. I then took her to their bank, walked her in and let her take care of the deposit there. Then we headed back to her house. I helped carry in the groceries and the little mother-in-law, who is in a wheelchair, just thanked me over & over. I told her it wasn't a problem since I had to go anyway. That seemed to ease her mind a lot.
And now I'm at home, where I discovered that my sugar had gotten a little low, 57... sheesh! And I got all my groceries put away, my low blood sugar treated & sitting here writing this post while I wait for my in-laws to come over so we can ride to pick up the blind couple to go to an Agape making party.
Wow... what a wild & crazy life I lead. And I'm so thankful for it. And SOOOO thankful to be feeling better. God is just good like that.
Blessings~
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
oversleeped...
So, yeah, I'm still dealing with this crazy fatigue/exhaustion/whatever. I mean, c'mon, when you sleep til 4pm, SOMEthing is just WRONG!!
I went back to the doctor yesterday for a post-antibiotics check-up. She said my ears look fine & I'm no longer wheezing, which was all great. Thank God! I really love my doc. She's actually a Physician Assistant, but she's just so down to earth I can tell her anything. The dude-doc, who I also really like, is not quite as easy to talk to. He's Indian, not like Native American, the other kind (LOL!) and he is horrible about making faces. I mean, if you will notice, it must be a cultural thing because if you encounter a person of Indian heritage who is not really talkative, they will more often than not, make these expressions. I tell him he would suck at poker because of that. LOL! He's super about thinking outside the box and NOT treating mere symptoms. He wants to get to the cause of the problem, but those daggone expressions kill me. After my first visit, I just started saying, "What does THAT face mean?" *heh*
Anyhow, so I told the PA about my super-sleep-itis & her first question was do I snore? Well, um, so he says. ;) And yeah, I know I do because I sometimes wake myself up. I told her that I do and that, yeah, I have a C-PAP machine at home, but that I'd not been wearing it. She said that was the first thing. Then she looked over my meds & suggested that I try taking my blood pressure medicine at night instead of morning.
I started that last night. I'm hoping that's what it is since it is a relatively new medicine. But I wasn't all bright-eyed & bushy-tailed this morning. I slept til after noon. *sigh*
I feel like a total failure when I do that, but it's like I canNOT make myself get up! I'm going to try hitting the hay around 11pm tonight. That IS when I get to bed most nights, although I HAVE gone til about 1am a few times since all this sleep-sleeping began. I have done that before though and had NO problem getting up in the morning. I'm hoping changing the time of my bp med will help.
We shall see...
I went back to the doctor yesterday for a post-antibiotics check-up. She said my ears look fine & I'm no longer wheezing, which was all great. Thank God! I really love my doc. She's actually a Physician Assistant, but she's just so down to earth I can tell her anything. The dude-doc, who I also really like, is not quite as easy to talk to. He's Indian, not like Native American, the other kind (LOL!) and he is horrible about making faces. I mean, if you will notice, it must be a cultural thing because if you encounter a person of Indian heritage who is not really talkative, they will more often than not, make these expressions. I tell him he would suck at poker because of that. LOL! He's super about thinking outside the box and NOT treating mere symptoms. He wants to get to the cause of the problem, but those daggone expressions kill me. After my first visit, I just started saying, "What does THAT face mean?" *heh*
Anyhow, so I told the PA about my super-sleep-itis & her first question was do I snore? Well, um, so he says. ;) And yeah, I know I do because I sometimes wake myself up. I told her that I do and that, yeah, I have a C-PAP machine at home, but that I'd not been wearing it. She said that was the first thing. Then she looked over my meds & suggested that I try taking my blood pressure medicine at night instead of morning.
I started that last night. I'm hoping that's what it is since it is a relatively new medicine. But I wasn't all bright-eyed & bushy-tailed this morning. I slept til after noon. *sigh*
I feel like a total failure when I do that, but it's like I canNOT make myself get up! I'm going to try hitting the hay around 11pm tonight. That IS when I get to bed most nights, although I HAVE gone til about 1am a few times since all this sleep-sleeping began. I have done that before though and had NO problem getting up in the morning. I'm hoping changing the time of my bp med will help.
We shall see...
Saturday, February 2, 2013
digging out...
Wow... it's been SO long since I had a blog with, well, with lots of things. Like regular posts, fancy gadgets, um, readers!
I don't quite know what to do with myself. But I do want to say THANK YOU for the wonderful, encouraging comments. You don't know how much they've done for me. :)
Back on the topic of depression... the last couple of days, I've been able to get up several hours earlier. That's a step in the right direction. I wasn't this specific before, but I have been sleeping like 14-18 hours, y'all. Yeah, HOURS. I just could NOT make myself get out of bed, other than slogging through the room to let Tucker in and out, and a trip to the bathroom, I was sacked out sleeping like a dead woman. Totally zonked and just UNable to make myself wake up.
Of course that meant I was also missing my morning meds, which includes a huge dose of thyroid (duh, the metabolism regulating hormone?!) I was diagnosed with Grave's Disease back in 1999, and since my heart rate was near 190, I was immediately put on beta blockers, had to stop breastfeeding my baby (my second & last child) and was sent to an endocrinologist for further treatment of the Grave's. The nurses there kept telling me how much better I was going to feel once they got this under control. I'd quit feeling SO tired and stop being perpetually "too hot" & sweating ALL the time and I'd have SO much MORE energy.
Yeah. Whatever. It didn't happen like that AT ALL!! The endo decided a radioactive iodine treatment, or I-131, was the best way to go. Sounds creepy, I know and I wish in the worst way that I'd had the wisdom to seek a second opinion back then, I was just SO eager to start feeling better!! I never gave it a thought and forged ahead.
ANYhow... after the I-131 treatment, my thyroid production was not decreased, but it CEASED. I mean, it went from about 5x above normal to almost immeasurable... hovering barely above zero!! I could tell the endo wasn't expecting that & definitely not so suddenly. I was to have a blood draw at my regular doc's instead of driving to Lexington to the edno's office, and the results sent to him two weeks after the treatment. They called & wanted me up there pronto once they got those results & instead of the usual month or more before going on thyroid replacement meds, I was on them in two weeks. And a high dose of them, too.
Even now, if I have to go to a different pharmacy than my usual one (where my sweet cousin is the druggist!) they always question my dosage of thyroid. It's more than double what is considered "normal". *sigh* Yeah, so ... I dunno if the endo over-dosed me with the radioiodine or if my body just really needed more thyroid than most, but anyhow, now I have a very sluggish metabolism and missing my thyroid meds is NOT a good thing. I know that's just added to my lethargy but if I don't take that by noon, I am not supposed to take it. It is affected by dosage timing, so... if I miss that rather large window of opportunity, I just miss out for the day. I know, I KNOW... alarm clock. But see, you act as though you're talking to a practical, functional person... and when I'm this deep in a depression...you're just NOT, okay?
So, yeah, I had been up and sorta going while it was still morning the last few days. I've worked on a project I have coming up for our Emmaus Community. I even went to a reunion group meeting last Thursday. And do you know, I mean THIS is how good God is, there were two ladies there that I hadn't met before. One of them sat right across the table from me. And when I shared that my biggest struggle was & had been this debilitating depression, SHE TOUCHED MY ARM & SAID, "I've been going through the same thing. I know exactly what you're talking about." And she really did, too. We talked a little more about how destructive depression can be and how hard it is to 'make it' make sense to someone who's never experienced it.
See how God looks after me? :) He's awesome like that and I really needed the reminder that He's always there for me.
Today, I got out of the house and ran around Lexington with my hubby and kids. We did not one single solitary thing that could possibly be construed as constructive or productive. But it was good for me. I walked and walked around in the mall with Melissa. I enjoyed good meals with her, Tommy, both my sons and one "adopted" son, a friend of theirs from church. I laughed my head off at their snowball fights in restaurant parking lots and monkey calls in the middle of department stores.
I may not have accomplished a thing, but I feel blessed, and I feel hopeful. And folks, it's been way too long since I felt a glimmer of hope.
Life is good, just like the God Who gives it.
Blessings...
I don't quite know what to do with myself. But I do want to say THANK YOU for the wonderful, encouraging comments. You don't know how much they've done for me. :)
Back on the topic of depression... the last couple of days, I've been able to get up several hours earlier. That's a step in the right direction. I wasn't this specific before, but I have been sleeping like 14-18 hours, y'all. Yeah, HOURS. I just could NOT make myself get out of bed, other than slogging through the room to let Tucker in and out, and a trip to the bathroom, I was sacked out sleeping like a dead woman. Totally zonked and just UNable to make myself wake up.
Of course that meant I was also missing my morning meds, which includes a huge dose of thyroid (duh, the metabolism regulating hormone?!) I was diagnosed with Grave's Disease back in 1999, and since my heart rate was near 190, I was immediately put on beta blockers, had to stop breastfeeding my baby (my second & last child) and was sent to an endocrinologist for further treatment of the Grave's. The nurses there kept telling me how much better I was going to feel once they got this under control. I'd quit feeling SO tired and stop being perpetually "too hot" & sweating ALL the time and I'd have SO much MORE energy.
Yeah. Whatever. It didn't happen like that AT ALL!! The endo decided a radioactive iodine treatment, or I-131, was the best way to go. Sounds creepy, I know and I wish in the worst way that I'd had the wisdom to seek a second opinion back then, I was just SO eager to start feeling better!! I never gave it a thought and forged ahead.
ANYhow... after the I-131 treatment, my thyroid production was not decreased, but it CEASED. I mean, it went from about 5x above normal to almost immeasurable... hovering barely above zero!! I could tell the endo wasn't expecting that & definitely not so suddenly. I was to have a blood draw at my regular doc's instead of driving to Lexington to the edno's office, and the results sent to him two weeks after the treatment. They called & wanted me up there pronto once they got those results & instead of the usual month or more before going on thyroid replacement meds, I was on them in two weeks. And a high dose of them, too.
Even now, if I have to go to a different pharmacy than my usual one (where my sweet cousin is the druggist!) they always question my dosage of thyroid. It's more than double what is considered "normal". *sigh* Yeah, so ... I dunno if the endo over-dosed me with the radioiodine or if my body just really needed more thyroid than most, but anyhow, now I have a very sluggish metabolism and missing my thyroid meds is NOT a good thing. I know that's just added to my lethargy but if I don't take that by noon, I am not supposed to take it. It is affected by dosage timing, so... if I miss that rather large window of opportunity, I just miss out for the day. I know, I KNOW... alarm clock. But see, you act as though you're talking to a practical, functional person... and when I'm this deep in a depression...you're just NOT, okay?
So, yeah, I had been up and sorta going while it was still morning the last few days. I've worked on a project I have coming up for our Emmaus Community. I even went to a reunion group meeting last Thursday. And do you know, I mean THIS is how good God is, there were two ladies there that I hadn't met before. One of them sat right across the table from me. And when I shared that my biggest struggle was & had been this debilitating depression, SHE TOUCHED MY ARM & SAID, "I've been going through the same thing. I know exactly what you're talking about." And she really did, too. We talked a little more about how destructive depression can be and how hard it is to 'make it' make sense to someone who's never experienced it.
See how God looks after me? :) He's awesome like that and I really needed the reminder that He's always there for me.
Today, I got out of the house and ran around Lexington with my hubby and kids. We did not one single solitary thing that could possibly be construed as constructive or productive. But it was good for me. I walked and walked around in the mall with Melissa. I enjoyed good meals with her, Tommy, both my sons and one "adopted" son, a friend of theirs from church. I laughed my head off at their snowball fights in restaurant parking lots and monkey calls in the middle of department stores.
I may not have accomplished a thing, but I feel blessed, and I feel hopeful. And folks, it's been way too long since I felt a glimmer of hope.
Life is good, just like the God Who gives it.
Blessings...
Thursday, January 24, 2013
bump, rattle...
That's the sound my thoughts are making as they roll around my head. I've got so many of them up there, you'd think there would be no room. So either that means there's more space in my brain that I thought (of course, meaning my brain is bigger!) or maybe my thoughts are smaller than they seem to me?
*chuckle* It's scary the way my mind works sometimes...
I've been so sick the past few days. The day before Tommy was to leave for camp for the boys' Chrysalis, I felt it coming on. The sore throat, thumping headache.
"But maybe I can fight it off.."
Yeah, whatever. So Tommy going to serve at camp means he's gone for three days. Now there are special services almost each day, so I will normally go down there if we can afford the gas, that is.
We had three boys who were going to be attending the weekend. Boys that we've watched grow up in some cases, through the church. Boys who have taken to calling me Mama & Tommy Dad. So he was thrilled to be able to serve this weekend.
Not only that, but both our sons were also serving down there. One on the music team and one in a support team. So we had two generations serving... but then they needed another person for prayer team and asked Tommy's dad to serve. Wow... three generations serving on this one Chrysalis and there were seven other father-son/s "sets" serving.
What an awesome legacy! And what an amazing weekend it was. The precious testimonies of those boys was such a blessing! I'm excited to see what God's going to accomplish through them.
So I spent the weekend trying to fight off the inevitable bronchitis. I barely slept for coughing and trying to breathe. I made a batch of soup for a family who's father had surgery and went with another lady to take that out to them. That was Friday, the night Tommy left. Then Saturday, I left around 7am to get to the send-off ceremony at camp, taking a bowl of "Dirt Cake" that one of our boys requested. By Saturday night, I was quite a bit sicker & called in to our children's services coordinator at church to say I couldn't serve the next day. Then I got a text from camp saying the cake was all gone & the boys were clamouring for more. I hoped maybe my daughter-in-law could pick up the ingredients and bring to me after church the next day, but she had to take her siblings back home in a neighboring county, which would have made it too late to make the cake.
*sigh* So I dragged myself to the local grocery store, which is always higher so I seldom shop there. I realized once I was at the checkout that my debit card was at home, so I had to run back outside to get my checkbook. As I gathered my bags to leave, I could have sworn I stuck the checkbook in my coat pocket, but as I was struggling to get the door unlocked at home, the phone rang. It was someone from the store saying I'd left the checkbook. *siiiigh*
I dropped the bags inside the house & went straight back to the store, hurried back home to put the 'cake' together, then got in a hot tub to sweat awhile, took some more Alka Seltzer & got dressed to head to special service at camp & of course, deliver the requested food stuffs. ;)
By Monday morning I was feeling horrible.
Since I already had a check-up appointment scheduled for Tuesday, I didn't even try to get in to see the doctor on Monday. I didn't want to spend the day sitting in the waiting room and I didn't want to risk pushing myself/time to get to camp for closing ceremony & picking up of my hubby.
So by the time I made it to the doc's office, it was confirmed that I did indeed have bronchitis and not only that... a double ear infection! Go, me!! Woo!
No wonder I felt horrific all weekend! I seriously don't know how I made it through. But then again... I DO know::
Isaiah 41:10---"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
*chuckle* It's scary the way my mind works sometimes...
I've been so sick the past few days. The day before Tommy was to leave for camp for the boys' Chrysalis, I felt it coming on. The sore throat, thumping headache.
"But maybe I can fight it off.."
Yeah, whatever. So Tommy going to serve at camp means he's gone for three days. Now there are special services almost each day, so I will normally go down there if we can afford the gas, that is.
We had three boys who were going to be attending the weekend. Boys that we've watched grow up in some cases, through the church. Boys who have taken to calling me Mama & Tommy Dad. So he was thrilled to be able to serve this weekend.
Not only that, but both our sons were also serving down there. One on the music team and one in a support team. So we had two generations serving... but then they needed another person for prayer team and asked Tommy's dad to serve. Wow... three generations serving on this one Chrysalis and there were seven other father-son/s "sets" serving.
What an awesome legacy! And what an amazing weekend it was. The precious testimonies of those boys was such a blessing! I'm excited to see what God's going to accomplish through them.
So I spent the weekend trying to fight off the inevitable bronchitis. I barely slept for coughing and trying to breathe. I made a batch of soup for a family who's father had surgery and went with another lady to take that out to them. That was Friday, the night Tommy left. Then Saturday, I left around 7am to get to the send-off ceremony at camp, taking a bowl of "Dirt Cake" that one of our boys requested. By Saturday night, I was quite a bit sicker & called in to our children's services coordinator at church to say I couldn't serve the next day. Then I got a text from camp saying the cake was all gone & the boys were clamouring for more. I hoped maybe my daughter-in-law could pick up the ingredients and bring to me after church the next day, but she had to take her siblings back home in a neighboring county, which would have made it too late to make the cake.
*sigh* So I dragged myself to the local grocery store, which is always higher so I seldom shop there. I realized once I was at the checkout that my debit card was at home, so I had to run back outside to get my checkbook. As I gathered my bags to leave, I could have sworn I stuck the checkbook in my coat pocket, but as I was struggling to get the door unlocked at home, the phone rang. It was someone from the store saying I'd left the checkbook. *siiiigh*
I dropped the bags inside the house & went straight back to the store, hurried back home to put the 'cake' together, then got in a hot tub to sweat awhile, took some more Alka Seltzer & got dressed to head to special service at camp & of course, deliver the requested food stuffs. ;)
By Monday morning I was feeling horrible.
Since I already had a check-up appointment scheduled for Tuesday, I didn't even try to get in to see the doctor on Monday. I didn't want to spend the day sitting in the waiting room and I didn't want to risk pushing myself/time to get to camp for closing ceremony & picking up of my hubby.
So by the time I made it to the doc's office, it was confirmed that I did indeed have bronchitis and not only that... a double ear infection! Go, me!! Woo!
No wonder I felt horrific all weekend! I seriously don't know how I made it through. But then again... I DO know::
Isaiah 41:10---"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
depression...
I suffer from depression. That's kind of a lame statement to my way of thinking. Doesn't EVERYONE have moments in their lives when they feel depressed about something? Especially if you have survived the teenage years!
And I know there are different levels of depression; clinical, major, et cetera. I also have diabetes. Type I, not Type II, which are two totally different diseases, by the way. I've had it for almost 40 years. It sucks. But there it is, and I do the best I can to live, day after day, minute by minute, with this disease that has no remission.
I know people who have had transplants and now are no longer classified as diabetic, but the disease has left its mark on their bodies, not to mention they now must take anti-rejection drugs, so I'm not sure I'd be jumping up & down wanting a transplant. And of course, that leaves out the fact that MOST of the time, you are not "eligible" for a pancreas transplant unless your kidneys have failed & you need one of those too, so you see, transplantation is not the "cure" it would seem to be.
It is proven that diabetics almost across the board, suffer with major depression. Not just diabetics, but anyone with a chronic disease. And why not? Dealing with an ongoing disease, for which there is no cure and no easy treatment ought to depress anybody, right?
Even someone who is naturally upbeat and positive will succumb to depression to some degree at some point in their lives. It's just the nature of the beast.
Your body doesn't work correctly when you have diabetes. In Type II, it's "usually" because you have been overweight OR you have simply not been good to your body, feeding it a consistently unhealthy diet, and the pancreas just reaches a point where it can't go on your body no longer reacts to insulin as it should. Again, that's "usually". Sometimes people get mad when you infer that their Type II diabetes is kinda sorta their own fault and they could have avoided it had they just watched their diet and maintained a healthy weight.
And just to be perfectly honest, I get a little offended when people try to place Type II on the same playing field with Type I. For those of us with Type I, there was nothing, not one. single. thing. we could have done differently to avoid having this disease. NOTHING. Our pancreases are faulty, we don't produce any insulin in most cases, so there's no chance for us to change our lifestyle and get back to a non-diabetic state.
Type I isn't reversible, no matter what book titles you've seen in Barnes & Noble, okay? That's what happens when you confuse Type I with Type II... you get idiotic books that tell you if you'll just eat raw whole foods, you can become un-diabetic.
Whatever. It ain't gonna happen. There's not one single case.
Okay, so now that we're clear on the main difference between the two so-called "types" of diabetes, let's move on to the depression that inevitably comes along with it.
Do you realize that for a diabetic, there is not a single moment when this disease is not affecting our bodies in some way? Every morsel we put in our mouths, every half-hour we delay eating or the times we forget to eat altogether, the times we are more active than usual...or less active, the fifteen minutes we sleep in and delay that first finger prick to see how much insulin we should take, or the times we forget to take it... There is no respite from the demands of diabetes.
Most of you know, I now use an insulin pump, which is a wonderful device, acting as a sort of external pancreas, except that I must tell it what to do. The thing is this: after a few years of living like this, with this "thing", this disease constantly "in your face", so to speak, one tends to get tired.
I reach a point where I simply don't give a flip what my sugar is. That's the danger zone right there. And normally it is the precursor to a round with some pretty nasty depression.
Now, I have taken antidepressants in the past. They never caused any of the horrible side effects I've heard about on YouTube...although there were a few way back when I was first put on them that we discovered DID NOT WORK. But even when you find one that works great, they're not free, nor are they cheap.
So, when push comes to shove, or more precisely, when money gets tight, I start looking at my long list of meds to see just how many of them I can do without.
And also, I don't WANT to be dependent on anti-deps, either. Even though I know I feel better and get along better when I'm on them.
So anyway, the kind of depression that comes shortly after or maybe along with the "who gives a flip" attitude is vicious. I feel so desperately alone and useless. I know I'm not taking care of myself, and with each passing year, I know that my body can't withstand me getting into this kind of funk as well. I know I'm doing damage to my organs and shortening my life. But somehow, SOMEHOW I just don't care.
So I ask you, how do you deal with that? Once you get to the point where you KNOW that you KNOW and you still don't care? You can't seem to MAKE yourself care. How do you rebound from that? How do you climb out of a hole that dark and that deep?
I'm not sure. But I sure need to know. God help me climb out of this hole, help me to stay out of it. Show me how. Amen.
And I know there are different levels of depression; clinical, major, et cetera. I also have diabetes. Type I, not Type II, which are two totally different diseases, by the way. I've had it for almost 40 years. It sucks. But there it is, and I do the best I can to live, day after day, minute by minute, with this disease that has no remission.
I know people who have had transplants and now are no longer classified as diabetic, but the disease has left its mark on their bodies, not to mention they now must take anti-rejection drugs, so I'm not sure I'd be jumping up & down wanting a transplant. And of course, that leaves out the fact that MOST of the time, you are not "eligible" for a pancreas transplant unless your kidneys have failed & you need one of those too, so you see, transplantation is not the "cure" it would seem to be.
It is proven that diabetics almost across the board, suffer with major depression. Not just diabetics, but anyone with a chronic disease. And why not? Dealing with an ongoing disease, for which there is no cure and no easy treatment ought to depress anybody, right?
Even someone who is naturally upbeat and positive will succumb to depression to some degree at some point in their lives. It's just the nature of the beast.
Your body doesn't work correctly when you have diabetes. In Type II, it's "usually" because you have been overweight OR you have simply not been good to your body, feeding it a consistently unhealthy diet, and the pancreas just reaches a point where it can't go on your body no longer reacts to insulin as it should. Again, that's "usually". Sometimes people get mad when you infer that their Type II diabetes is kinda sorta their own fault and they could have avoided it had they just watched their diet and maintained a healthy weight.
And just to be perfectly honest, I get a little offended when people try to place Type II on the same playing field with Type I. For those of us with Type I, there was nothing, not one. single. thing. we could have done differently to avoid having this disease. NOTHING. Our pancreases are faulty, we don't produce any insulin in most cases, so there's no chance for us to change our lifestyle and get back to a non-diabetic state.
Type I isn't reversible, no matter what book titles you've seen in Barnes & Noble, okay? That's what happens when you confuse Type I with Type II... you get idiotic books that tell you if you'll just eat raw whole foods, you can become un-diabetic.
Whatever. It ain't gonna happen. There's not one single case.
Okay, so now that we're clear on the main difference between the two so-called "types" of diabetes, let's move on to the depression that inevitably comes along with it.
Do you realize that for a diabetic, there is not a single moment when this disease is not affecting our bodies in some way? Every morsel we put in our mouths, every half-hour we delay eating or the times we forget to eat altogether, the times we are more active than usual...or less active, the fifteen minutes we sleep in and delay that first finger prick to see how much insulin we should take, or the times we forget to take it... There is no respite from the demands of diabetes.
Most of you know, I now use an insulin pump, which is a wonderful device, acting as a sort of external pancreas, except that I must tell it what to do. The thing is this: after a few years of living like this, with this "thing", this disease constantly "in your face", so to speak, one tends to get tired.
I reach a point where I simply don't give a flip what my sugar is. That's the danger zone right there. And normally it is the precursor to a round with some pretty nasty depression.
Now, I have taken antidepressants in the past. They never caused any of the horrible side effects I've heard about on YouTube...although there were a few way back when I was first put on them that we discovered DID NOT WORK. But even when you find one that works great, they're not free, nor are they cheap.
So, when push comes to shove, or more precisely, when money gets tight, I start looking at my long list of meds to see just how many of them I can do without.
And also, I don't WANT to be dependent on anti-deps, either. Even though I know I feel better and get along better when I'm on them.
So anyway, the kind of depression that comes shortly after or maybe along with the "who gives a flip" attitude is vicious. I feel so desperately alone and useless. I know I'm not taking care of myself, and with each passing year, I know that my body can't withstand me getting into this kind of funk as well. I know I'm doing damage to my organs and shortening my life. But somehow, SOMEHOW I just don't care.
So I ask you, how do you deal with that? Once you get to the point where you KNOW that you KNOW and you still don't care? You can't seem to MAKE yourself care. How do you rebound from that? How do you climb out of a hole that dark and that deep?
I'm not sure. But I sure need to know. God help me climb out of this hole, help me to stay out of it. Show me how. Amen.
Friday, September 21, 2012
lows, migraines & a stroke?
So, last Friday morning, my poor daughter-in-law, Melissa, got word that her grandmother had finally passed away after a long, hard battle with cancer. She called me around 7am, but I didn't know it.
I must have answered the phone, I remember looking at it and seeing that it was Mel, but then all I remember is not knowing what to do with the phone. *sigh* My sugar was low. Thank God she called because lately, Tommy's been leaving me asleep when he goes to work!!
He tried to get me to talk to him, but I don't remember any of that. He said I was not able to communicate so he checked my sugar, which was 58. That's not very low, not low enough to affect my speech at least.
He brought me some grape juice, which I promptly drank down. I don't remember too much then til the next time he checked my sugar. I don't know if I went back to sleep or what, but the kids, Corey and Melissa, were there by this time. My sugar was up to 118, but I still couldn't put my words together and at this point, I KNEW it too.
My head was killing me at this point. The left side around my eye was just pounding and it didn't seem to ease up no matter what I did. I apparently kept complaining about it or rubbing it because someone brought me an ice pack. That helped a little but then it would get too cold and I'd have to take it off.
By the time I could understand and realize what was going on, Tommy & the kids were discussing what to do with me. *weeps* I hate when I am incapacitated like that. Feels like I'm such a failure, even if I know there's nothing I can do about it, I just feel like such a heavy burden to my family. :(
Anyhow, I was able to speak a little by now although I had to think a little harder to put my sentences together. I was really scared. And yes, they all thought I was having a stroke. They said the right side of my face was a little droopy, but I couldn't tell that it was.
I started to get up and get some clothes on to head to the hospital. I was still feeling very weak, but could talk a little better all the time. We'd about decided not to go by the time I had my shoes on, but then suddenly, I got sick & ran Corey over on my way to the bathroom to throw up.
Weird.
We went to the ER, of course. By the time I was there, my sugar was around 200. I had a horrific migraine but the sick feeling was gone and I could speak okay for the most part. It still was taking a little extra effort to choose my words, but nothing like the difficulty I'd had before.
We ended up being in the ER for about 3 hours, having blood work and a urine test and a CT scan to check for stroke.
Everything came back normal. The migraine was still as bad as ever, though. They'd given me some pathetic "migraine cocktail" that included acetaminophen, ibuprofen, benedryl and caffeine. They gave me that within about 45 minutes of my arrival and it did NOTHING for the pain. I was in tears for a good hour or so the pain was so bad.
The ER doctor asked if I took migraine meds and I told him no. I hadn't had one in a few years. So he asked what I'd taken before that worked and I told him Lortab. He, of course, didn't want to give me that. I told him I'd tried Maxalt, Midrin and Axert with no results, but the Lortab allowed me to rest and sometimes sleep off the migraine. He finally agreed to give me a dose there, but sent me home with naprosen (what a joke!) and a zithro pack for what he thought might be a sinus infection.
What a waste!! Thank God, though, the pain started easing about 30 minutes after the Lortab & by the time I got home, it was almost gone.
I still have no clue what happened to me. It was SO scary. It's been a long time since I've been unable to communicate like that, and then it was always with a much lower blood sugar than 58. I'm just thankful God brought me through it and hope & pray that I learned whatever it was He wanted to teach me.
I feel horrible knowing that Melissa was in tears when she called me and I wasn't able to comfort her. You just can't imagine how awful that feels unless you've been there.
And I hope you never are.
I must have answered the phone, I remember looking at it and seeing that it was Mel, but then all I remember is not knowing what to do with the phone. *sigh* My sugar was low. Thank God she called because lately, Tommy's been leaving me asleep when he goes to work!!
He tried to get me to talk to him, but I don't remember any of that. He said I was not able to communicate so he checked my sugar, which was 58. That's not very low, not low enough to affect my speech at least.
He brought me some grape juice, which I promptly drank down. I don't remember too much then til the next time he checked my sugar. I don't know if I went back to sleep or what, but the kids, Corey and Melissa, were there by this time. My sugar was up to 118, but I still couldn't put my words together and at this point, I KNEW it too.
My head was killing me at this point. The left side around my eye was just pounding and it didn't seem to ease up no matter what I did. I apparently kept complaining about it or rubbing it because someone brought me an ice pack. That helped a little but then it would get too cold and I'd have to take it off.
By the time I could understand and realize what was going on, Tommy & the kids were discussing what to do with me. *weeps* I hate when I am incapacitated like that. Feels like I'm such a failure, even if I know there's nothing I can do about it, I just feel like such a heavy burden to my family. :(
Anyhow, I was able to speak a little by now although I had to think a little harder to put my sentences together. I was really scared. And yes, they all thought I was having a stroke. They said the right side of my face was a little droopy, but I couldn't tell that it was.
I started to get up and get some clothes on to head to the hospital. I was still feeling very weak, but could talk a little better all the time. We'd about decided not to go by the time I had my shoes on, but then suddenly, I got sick & ran Corey over on my way to the bathroom to throw up.
Weird.
We went to the ER, of course. By the time I was there, my sugar was around 200. I had a horrific migraine but the sick feeling was gone and I could speak okay for the most part. It still was taking a little extra effort to choose my words, but nothing like the difficulty I'd had before.
We ended up being in the ER for about 3 hours, having blood work and a urine test and a CT scan to check for stroke.
Everything came back normal. The migraine was still as bad as ever, though. They'd given me some pathetic "migraine cocktail" that included acetaminophen, ibuprofen, benedryl and caffeine. They gave me that within about 45 minutes of my arrival and it did NOTHING for the pain. I was in tears for a good hour or so the pain was so bad.
The ER doctor asked if I took migraine meds and I told him no. I hadn't had one in a few years. So he asked what I'd taken before that worked and I told him Lortab. He, of course, didn't want to give me that. I told him I'd tried Maxalt, Midrin and Axert with no results, but the Lortab allowed me to rest and sometimes sleep off the migraine. He finally agreed to give me a dose there, but sent me home with naprosen (what a joke!) and a zithro pack for what he thought might be a sinus infection.
What a waste!! Thank God, though, the pain started easing about 30 minutes after the Lortab & by the time I got home, it was almost gone.
I still have no clue what happened to me. It was SO scary. It's been a long time since I've been unable to communicate like that, and then it was always with a much lower blood sugar than 58. I'm just thankful God brought me through it and hope & pray that I learned whatever it was He wanted to teach me.
I feel horrible knowing that Melissa was in tears when she called me and I wasn't able to comfort her. You just can't imagine how awful that feels unless you've been there.
And I hope you never are.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
fix your eyes upon Jesus...
I don't recall right now exactly how much I've posted here about our move almost a year ago from a very traditional church to the one we now attend. I remember it was hard. All our children and my parents went there too. Still go there, matter of fact. My dad's a deacon there.
But we felt a distinct urging to leave. So we did. And it wasn't very pretty. Dad didn't really speak to me for almost a month. It was a rough time. However, things are good now. Dad slowly realized we had not "forsaken" our Christianity or whatever. We hadn't even left "our" denomination. Just traded in what to us was discouraging church for one that was so alive and totally focused on Jesus and people.
So anyway, now we have some friends who are going through the same thing. They've been coming to our church for a few weeks and not their families, but their church is responding in such an ugly way!! It breaks my heart to see my friends going through this. From being hung up on by the pastor to having someone come by their house and taking the church van without so much as a by-your-leave.
How sad to see a church, of all people, reacting this way. Don't they see it's not about them?? Can't they realize that sometimes God calls us to other places and other duties?
*sigh*
So, in other news, Tommy's been gone since Friday morning. He is serving on a REC (Residents Encounter Christ - an Emmaus style weekend for those who are incarcerated) at a prison. I'm so anxious to see him this evening and hear how it all went.
I have been asked to serve on the next Women's Walk at the camp in a few weeks. I wanted to let the lay director know that while I was back up and walking, I wasn't nearly at 100% with my foot and needed to be put somewhere I wouldn't be on them so much.
Then I found out I had been assigned to the kitchen! Egads! I couldn't believe it since I had emailed to let her know, and THEN at the first organizational meeting, she gets up and says that she'd had to turn people away from helping and she'd prayed about where to put people. I felt HORRIBLE for saying anything about not wanting to serve in the kitchen because of my foot. But... *sigh*... I did.
While the skin graft has taken and the foot is healing well, it's still extremely tender. I've accidentally touched it with one of those foot sanding blocks and it bled like crazy. I can't imagine having my feet swell up like they usually do if I'm on them for extended periods. I just didn't want to risk that. So, I spoke with the LD and she ended up telling me she didn't really have another spot for me, but maybe I could tag-team with someone else on the prayer team "or something".
*siiigh* I really hate feeling like someone's having to make a job for me to do. Hate feeling like I'm not pulling my weight. Hate feeling awkwardly out of place...
Once I got home, I emailed the LD, telling her I really appreciated her calling me and I hated that I could not serve where she needed me, but if she had folks who'd volunteered but she'd had to turn down, that I'd be thrilled if she would allow them to serve in my place. I said that I didn't want her having to create something for me to do when she had people who were willing and able to serve. I told her she would not hurt my feelings one bit if she did that and that I hoped to work with her sometime in the future.
I didn't think anything of it when I got no reply since I hadn't the first time either & knowing she's so busy! I figured I'd just go to the next meeting if I hadn't heard from her and see what she had to say then. But then I got a phone call.
It was the LD saying she really appreciated my email, appreciated that I was willing to step down and give my spot to someone else. She said most people wouldn't have done that and she appreciated the offer. ...but she didn't want to accept it. She said she needed people with a heart for service (aw!) and a willing spirit and there always ended up being a job with no worker and she wanted me on her team.
Wow. If that wasn't a confirmation for me to be on this walk, I don't know what is!! I seriously never had any of those thoughts about myself. I'm a pretty selfish person, matter of fact. And I do hate feeling as if I'm being a drain on a team if I can't do what's needed of me. I feel like such a louse for ever saying, "Well, I DO have diabetes, so I might have a problem doing this or that" so I usually don't say it. I mean, do you realize how lame that sounds when you say it out loud? I DO usually tell people because it sounds much lamer when you're in the middle of a low blood sugar and you can't even talk properly or you don't realize you're having a low til you're in the middle of some important task. Then of course, you can't finish said task OR tell anyone why.
*sigh* Have I mentioned that diabetes kinda sucks? Oh... well, never mind then.
Anyway, I love being able to serve on these walks, but I feel so inadequate in so many ways. Spiritually, physically.... I'm just thankful God doesn't call the equipped but He equips the called.
Hallelujah!
But we felt a distinct urging to leave. So we did. And it wasn't very pretty. Dad didn't really speak to me for almost a month. It was a rough time. However, things are good now. Dad slowly realized we had not "forsaken" our Christianity or whatever. We hadn't even left "our" denomination. Just traded in what to us was discouraging church for one that was so alive and totally focused on Jesus and people.
So anyway, now we have some friends who are going through the same thing. They've been coming to our church for a few weeks and not their families, but their church is responding in such an ugly way!! It breaks my heart to see my friends going through this. From being hung up on by the pastor to having someone come by their house and taking the church van without so much as a by-your-leave.
How sad to see a church, of all people, reacting this way. Don't they see it's not about them?? Can't they realize that sometimes God calls us to other places and other duties?
*sigh*
So, in other news, Tommy's been gone since Friday morning. He is serving on a REC (Residents Encounter Christ - an Emmaus style weekend for those who are incarcerated) at a prison. I'm so anxious to see him this evening and hear how it all went.
I have been asked to serve on the next Women's Walk at the camp in a few weeks. I wanted to let the lay director know that while I was back up and walking, I wasn't nearly at 100% with my foot and needed to be put somewhere I wouldn't be on them so much.
Then I found out I had been assigned to the kitchen! Egads! I couldn't believe it since I had emailed to let her know, and THEN at the first organizational meeting, she gets up and says that she'd had to turn people away from helping and she'd prayed about where to put people. I felt HORRIBLE for saying anything about not wanting to serve in the kitchen because of my foot. But... *sigh*... I did.
While the skin graft has taken and the foot is healing well, it's still extremely tender. I've accidentally touched it with one of those foot sanding blocks and it bled like crazy. I can't imagine having my feet swell up like they usually do if I'm on them for extended periods. I just didn't want to risk that. So, I spoke with the LD and she ended up telling me she didn't really have another spot for me, but maybe I could tag-team with someone else on the prayer team "or something".
*siiigh* I really hate feeling like someone's having to make a job for me to do. Hate feeling like I'm not pulling my weight. Hate feeling awkwardly out of place...
Once I got home, I emailed the LD, telling her I really appreciated her calling me and I hated that I could not serve where she needed me, but if she had folks who'd volunteered but she'd had to turn down, that I'd be thrilled if she would allow them to serve in my place. I said that I didn't want her having to create something for me to do when she had people who were willing and able to serve. I told her she would not hurt my feelings one bit if she did that and that I hoped to work with her sometime in the future.
I didn't think anything of it when I got no reply since I hadn't the first time either & knowing she's so busy! I figured I'd just go to the next meeting if I hadn't heard from her and see what she had to say then. But then I got a phone call.
It was the LD saying she really appreciated my email, appreciated that I was willing to step down and give my spot to someone else. She said most people wouldn't have done that and she appreciated the offer. ...but she didn't want to accept it. She said she needed people with a heart for service (aw!) and a willing spirit and there always ended up being a job with no worker and she wanted me on her team.
Wow. If that wasn't a confirmation for me to be on this walk, I don't know what is!! I seriously never had any of those thoughts about myself. I'm a pretty selfish person, matter of fact. And I do hate feeling as if I'm being a drain on a team if I can't do what's needed of me. I feel like such a louse for ever saying, "Well, I DO have diabetes, so I might have a problem doing this or that" so I usually don't say it. I mean, do you realize how lame that sounds when you say it out loud? I DO usually tell people because it sounds much lamer when you're in the middle of a low blood sugar and you can't even talk properly or you don't realize you're having a low til you're in the middle of some important task. Then of course, you can't finish said task OR tell anyone why.
*sigh* Have I mentioned that diabetes kinda sucks? Oh... well, never mind then.
Anyway, I love being able to serve on these walks, but I feel so inadequate in so many ways. Spiritually, physically.... I'm just thankful God doesn't call the equipped but He equips the called.
Hallelujah!
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
2012: Summer of The Yucky Foot - Part 2
For Part 1, go here.
So, Tommy almost made me pass out, driving like a maniac to the hospital. On the way there, I decided I needed to get the prayer warriors started, so I called the first name in my phone from our Grace Emmaus Community, which happened to be a fella from Pineville, which is 45 miles away & takes almost an hour to drive to. Seriously? I told him I'd almost cut my foot off, which he apparently heard as "I just cut my foot off." but he started the prayer chain off. *phew!*
Once we made it to the ER, Tommy loaded me into a wheelchair & left the truck running with the passenger door standing open, parked right in front of the ER door. He proceeded to make sure they KNEW I was there and I was BUH-LEED-ING!!
When I said my foot had been run over by a riding mower, they all started moving at a much faster clip! I was taken back, past triage & straight into a room. They pulled the towels off my foot & all grimaced. Yeah, it's gross, people!! A LAWN MOWER RAN OVER IT!!
Corey & Mel got there soon after they'd put me in the ER room. People were coming in & out, looking & grimacing. Sheesh. They asked how long was I unconscious. I wasn't. They were shocked. And so far, no crying either. Yes, I AM amazed at myself!! LOL!
It was about 4 hours before they got all the preliminary stuff done that hospitals always take so long to do and finally sent a guy in to clean the cut up so it could be thoroughly examined. The x-ray was good, no broken bones, it was fairly clean & was all okay that Corey had used bottled water to irrigate it & wash out the grass. Once they finally got it cleaned, they could see bone. Nothing shattered or anything, but my heel bone was exposed.
*shudder*
Yes, by this time they had given me a shot of Morphine & put in an IV, thank God!
They put me in a room & let me know the surgeon would be in to look at it first thing. They kept saying it would need a tissue graft. Tommy had asked almost first thing if they needed the part that was cut off, but they said no. Since there were essentially no nerves or muscle there, it wouldn't be beneficial to try sewing it back on.
Next day we saw the surgeon, an orthopedic doc, who said he needed to do a surgery to clear away the too-damaged tissue. I don't remember anything about that, but it hurt like the dickens once I came to. Urgh!
The doc said he thought it would only need a skin graft in about 6 weeks and that I probably wouldn't be able to walk for around 6 months. Egads!! They wanted to keep me for a few days to make sure no infection would set up, and so there I stayed.
I had tons of sweet visitors. It was a very humbling experience seeing people actually show up to let me know they were praying for me. God's SO good!
That night was horrible, though. My blood pressure started dropping and so that was the end of the Morphine. They tried Vicodin next, but the blood pressure was just too low, even for that, so I spent that night in agony. Horrendous pain with NOTHING to ease it.
Did I mention it was horrible?
By the early morning, they tried the Vicodin again & my pressure seemed to level out. I was on a constant saline drip to hydrate me, but apparently it didn't work to stabilize my bp til that next day. Thank God, though, and I was eventually able to use the Morphine again.
And again I say, THANK GOD!!!
The third day, they brought in this funky walker for me to try. It was bright fushia with zebra stripes, y'all. I was not allowed to even touch my toes (of the injured foot) to the floor and lemme tell ya, using one of those blasted things is harder than it looks!!
They made me take a very short walk in the hall & I was soon worn out!! Having to lift my entire weight w/just my wrists was awful! I don't have the strongest wrists already! They were keeping a wet-to-dry pack on my heel all this time, changing it daily. Each time they took the gauze off, it would pull bits of tissue off and make it bleed. Doc said that's what they needed it to do, to stay open & fresh so that the tissue would start regenerating.
It sounded crazy to us. We really didn't dream that the concave wound would build back up much. I imagined a deep sunken scraggly area on my foot for the rest of my life.
Boy, was I (mostly) wrong....
Stay tuned. Part 3 is coming!
So, Tommy almost made me pass out, driving like a maniac to the hospital. On the way there, I decided I needed to get the prayer warriors started, so I called the first name in my phone from our Grace Emmaus Community, which happened to be a fella from Pineville, which is 45 miles away & takes almost an hour to drive to. Seriously? I told him I'd almost cut my foot off, which he apparently heard as "I just cut my foot off." but he started the prayer chain off. *phew!*
Once we made it to the ER, Tommy loaded me into a wheelchair & left the truck running with the passenger door standing open, parked right in front of the ER door. He proceeded to make sure they KNEW I was there and I was BUH-LEED-ING!!
When I said my foot had been run over by a riding mower, they all started moving at a much faster clip! I was taken back, past triage & straight into a room. They pulled the towels off my foot & all grimaced. Yeah, it's gross, people!! A LAWN MOWER RAN OVER IT!!
Corey & Mel got there soon after they'd put me in the ER room. People were coming in & out, looking & grimacing. Sheesh. They asked how long was I unconscious. I wasn't. They were shocked. And so far, no crying either. Yes, I AM amazed at myself!! LOL!
It was about 4 hours before they got all the preliminary stuff done that hospitals always take so long to do and finally sent a guy in to clean the cut up so it could be thoroughly examined. The x-ray was good, no broken bones, it was fairly clean & was all okay that Corey had used bottled water to irrigate it & wash out the grass. Once they finally got it cleaned, they could see bone. Nothing shattered or anything, but my heel bone was exposed.
*shudder*
Yes, by this time they had given me a shot of Morphine & put in an IV, thank God!
They put me in a room & let me know the surgeon would be in to look at it first thing. They kept saying it would need a tissue graft. Tommy had asked almost first thing if they needed the part that was cut off, but they said no. Since there were essentially no nerves or muscle there, it wouldn't be beneficial to try sewing it back on.
Next day we saw the surgeon, an orthopedic doc, who said he needed to do a surgery to clear away the too-damaged tissue. I don't remember anything about that, but it hurt like the dickens once I came to. Urgh!
The doc said he thought it would only need a skin graft in about 6 weeks and that I probably wouldn't be able to walk for around 6 months. Egads!! They wanted to keep me for a few days to make sure no infection would set up, and so there I stayed.
I had tons of sweet visitors. It was a very humbling experience seeing people actually show up to let me know they were praying for me. God's SO good!
That night was horrible, though. My blood pressure started dropping and so that was the end of the Morphine. They tried Vicodin next, but the blood pressure was just too low, even for that, so I spent that night in agony. Horrendous pain with NOTHING to ease it.
Did I mention it was horrible?
By the early morning, they tried the Vicodin again & my pressure seemed to level out. I was on a constant saline drip to hydrate me, but apparently it didn't work to stabilize my bp til that next day. Thank God, though, and I was eventually able to use the Morphine again.
And again I say, THANK GOD!!!
The third day, they brought in this funky walker for me to try. It was bright fushia with zebra stripes, y'all. I was not allowed to even touch my toes (of the injured foot) to the floor and lemme tell ya, using one of those blasted things is harder than it looks!!
They made me take a very short walk in the hall & I was soon worn out!! Having to lift my entire weight w/just my wrists was awful! I don't have the strongest wrists already! They were keeping a wet-to-dry pack on my heel all this time, changing it daily. Each time they took the gauze off, it would pull bits of tissue off and make it bleed. Doc said that's what they needed it to do, to stay open & fresh so that the tissue would start regenerating.
It sounded crazy to us. We really didn't dream that the concave wound would build back up much. I imagined a deep sunken scraggly area on my foot for the rest of my life.
Boy, was I (mostly) wrong....
Stay tuned. Part 3 is coming!
Monday, August 13, 2012
2012: Summer of The Yucky Foot
So... I've been pretty lax with the blog stuff, eh? Okay, okay... I've just flat ignored the thing. Sor-ree! I don't have the aptitude I used to for keeping up with a blog. I don't have the brain cells to create a cohesive post on a regular basis, so...*sigh*
But I am hoping to get started back with it now. At least that's what I want at this point in time. ;)
Alright, so there's been a lot going on in my life for the past few months. On June 14, I decided I was sick of looking at our neglected lawn. It was neglected because my poor hubby works too much & he can mow the entire lawn while I can only do the less-angular parts with our John Deere 316 hydrostatic tranny riding mower. He has rebuilt the thing almost entirely & it keeps our almost-2-acres looking spiffy...when we use it, that is! ;) So, I wanted to help my over-worked husband, okay?
I made one pass around my "usual" area of yard, then headed back out near the garden area and behind our shop. There's a very steep hill right behind the shop that I normally leave for Tommy. I can't even watch him mow it, it's that scary. It doesn't LOOK all that intimidating...until you're up there looking down. I've tried going up it before but the mower tipped backward, so I knew better than to do that. *ha*
I went along the top edge of the highest part that borders the property next to ours, a cemetery, okay? It's a cemetery. Yeah, yeah, yeah... at least the neighbors don't bother us! LOL! At the corner, I decided, "Hmm, I think I can go down this.." and off I went. And off the mower took. I decided to try the brakes, something I basically never use...and they really didn't work. I tried slamming the tranny into reverse to slow it down. Not the best idea I ever had...it slid a bit sideways...and started to tip a little.
I decided I did NOT want that mower on top of me & started weighing the idea of bailing. I thought for sure I could jump far enough & roll fast enough to clear the deck, but...*sigh* Alas. I didn't make it.
As soon as I was upright, sitting on my butt in the field watching the mower go around the corner of the shop (still don't know exactly how it did that) I knew the deck had gone over my foot.
I glanced down, saw the blood & panic started in. I saw my tennis shoe laying about 10 yards away from me, up the hill. I didn't look very close at my injured left foot, because I did't want to really know how bad it was til back up was there. I knew I needed to staunch the bleeding if I could, so I bent both knees up, the right leg on the ground, & sat my left heel down on the side of my right shoe/foot.
Then I called my hubby at work. I tried to stay calm, all the while during the ringing repeating, "God, please help me. Please be with me." Doing my best to sound chillaxed, I told hubby I'd fallen off the mower. "Are you cut?" Yes, I told him. "Are you bleeding?" Yep, I said. Then all I heard was "Hey, I gotta go." as he tore outta the office & headed home.
Okaaay, so then I went back to praying & realized I really didn't wanna be by myself, so I called down to my kids' house & asked my daughter-in-law if either of my sons were home from work yet. She said Corey, her husband, was. Apparently, I said, "Okay, tell him I fell off the lawn mower." and hung up.
Hmph. ;) Soon, I saw him coming up through the back yard, heard the mower shut off & then yell at DIL to grab some towels from inside the house.
Love her heart, she came running around the corner of the shop w/about six big bath towels, all white (LOL.. that's mostly what I have, it just struck me at the time how white they were!) She told me later she didn't know how bad it was, so she got plenty of towels!
Corey had some bottled water, which he splashed on my foot so he could look at it. About that time, Tommy showed up and my dad also pulled up in his ATV. Tommy ran back to get our truck & pull it to where I was. Dad, in a panic, proceeded to try to lift me himself with me asking him what in the world he was doing... but he & Tommy got me in the truck & he sped off toward the hospital.
*phew!* Just retelling this has worn me out, but I want to detail it here, so I'm gonna take a break.
Stay tuned for the rest of the Yucky Foot saga!! lOL!
For Part 2, go here.
But I am hoping to get started back with it now. At least that's what I want at this point in time. ;)
Alright, so there's been a lot going on in my life for the past few months. On June 14, I decided I was sick of looking at our neglected lawn. It was neglected because my poor hubby works too much & he can mow the entire lawn while I can only do the less-angular parts with our John Deere 316 hydrostatic tranny riding mower. He has rebuilt the thing almost entirely & it keeps our almost-2-acres looking spiffy...when we use it, that is! ;) So, I wanted to help my over-worked husband, okay?
I made one pass around my "usual" area of yard, then headed back out near the garden area and behind our shop. There's a very steep hill right behind the shop that I normally leave for Tommy. I can't even watch him mow it, it's that scary. It doesn't LOOK all that intimidating...until you're up there looking down. I've tried going up it before but the mower tipped backward, so I knew better than to do that. *ha*
I went along the top edge of the highest part that borders the property next to ours, a cemetery, okay? It's a cemetery. Yeah, yeah, yeah... at least the neighbors don't bother us! LOL! At the corner, I decided, "Hmm, I think I can go down this.." and off I went. And off the mower took. I decided to try the brakes, something I basically never use...and they really didn't work. I tried slamming the tranny into reverse to slow it down. Not the best idea I ever had...it slid a bit sideways...and started to tip a little.
I decided I did NOT want that mower on top of me & started weighing the idea of bailing. I thought for sure I could jump far enough & roll fast enough to clear the deck, but...*sigh* Alas. I didn't make it.
As soon as I was upright, sitting on my butt in the field watching the mower go around the corner of the shop (still don't know exactly how it did that) I knew the deck had gone over my foot.
I glanced down, saw the blood & panic started in. I saw my tennis shoe laying about 10 yards away from me, up the hill. I didn't look very close at my injured left foot, because I did't want to really know how bad it was til back up was there. I knew I needed to staunch the bleeding if I could, so I bent both knees up, the right leg on the ground, & sat my left heel down on the side of my right shoe/foot.
Then I called my hubby at work. I tried to stay calm, all the while during the ringing repeating, "God, please help me. Please be with me." Doing my best to sound chillaxed, I told hubby I'd fallen off the mower. "Are you cut?" Yes, I told him. "Are you bleeding?" Yep, I said. Then all I heard was "Hey, I gotta go." as he tore outta the office & headed home.
Okaaay, so then I went back to praying & realized I really didn't wanna be by myself, so I called down to my kids' house & asked my daughter-in-law if either of my sons were home from work yet. She said Corey, her husband, was. Apparently, I said, "Okay, tell him I fell off the lawn mower." and hung up.
Hmph. ;) Soon, I saw him coming up through the back yard, heard the mower shut off & then yell at DIL to grab some towels from inside the house.
Love her heart, she came running around the corner of the shop w/about six big bath towels, all white (LOL.. that's mostly what I have, it just struck me at the time how white they were!) She told me later she didn't know how bad it was, so she got plenty of towels!
Corey had some bottled water, which he splashed on my foot so he could look at it. About that time, Tommy showed up and my dad also pulled up in his ATV. Tommy ran back to get our truck & pull it to where I was. Dad, in a panic, proceeded to try to lift me himself with me asking him what in the world he was doing... but he & Tommy got me in the truck & he sped off toward the hospital.
*phew!* Just retelling this has worn me out, but I want to detail it here, so I'm gonna take a break.
Stay tuned for the rest of the Yucky Foot saga!! lOL!
For Part 2, go here.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
thankful...
Y'know, my family in general is pretty dysfunctional. Of course, most of us feel that way, I realize.
My family's dysfunction is mainly just bickering. And not always "actual" disagreement or backbiting. It's kinda the way we communicate. My husband was so put off by this the first few times he encountered it, and then it took a long time before he ever gave voice to it. It just really bothered him to hear my parents pick at each other the way they do. Even though they've never really 'fought' the way you think of most couples fighting.
So today's Thanksgiving. How many, MANY things we have to be thankful for! In spite of the health issues my sister and I both have, and Mom's more recent dwindling health, we are all pretty healthy. For having had seizures since she was three, my sister does very well. For having had diabetes for going on 40 years now, I am in quite good health when compared to a lot of other people in the same situation. My mother's dwindling health is most likely from her pushing herself so hard for so many years and the fact that she's getting older now.
My eldest, Corey, and his wife, married going on four years now, are doing so well. They love each other more than ever, if that's even possible. *smile* Our youngest, Casey, had a serious accident on our four-wheeler about 2 weeks ago and now, unbelievably, is almost healed! He could have been hurt SO much worse than he was or killed given that the vehicle rolled over on his face and head. But God's been with him and with us every. step. of the. way.
SO much to be thankful for.
And today, it seemed that even though during the time I was at Mom and Dad's this morning, making the dumplings, and they were at each other same as always... by dinner time, there was a different attitude between them and there was none of the usual bickering.
God's good, people. God is so extremely good.
Hope you've all had a wonderful Thanksgiving as well.
God bless you!
G~
My family's dysfunction is mainly just bickering. And not always "actual" disagreement or backbiting. It's kinda the way we communicate. My husband was so put off by this the first few times he encountered it, and then it took a long time before he ever gave voice to it. It just really bothered him to hear my parents pick at each other the way they do. Even though they've never really 'fought' the way you think of most couples fighting.
So today's Thanksgiving. How many, MANY things we have to be thankful for! In spite of the health issues my sister and I both have, and Mom's more recent dwindling health, we are all pretty healthy. For having had seizures since she was three, my sister does very well. For having had diabetes for going on 40 years now, I am in quite good health when compared to a lot of other people in the same situation. My mother's dwindling health is most likely from her pushing herself so hard for so many years and the fact that she's getting older now.
My eldest, Corey, and his wife, married going on four years now, are doing so well. They love each other more than ever, if that's even possible. *smile* Our youngest, Casey, had a serious accident on our four-wheeler about 2 weeks ago and now, unbelievably, is almost healed! He could have been hurt SO much worse than he was or killed given that the vehicle rolled over on his face and head. But God's been with him and with us every. step. of the. way.
SO much to be thankful for.
And today, it seemed that even though during the time I was at Mom and Dad's this morning, making the dumplings, and they were at each other same as always... by dinner time, there was a different attitude between them and there was none of the usual bickering.
God's good, people. God is so extremely good.
Hope you've all had a wonderful Thanksgiving as well.
God bless you!
G~
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
God is bigger than bad news...
Found out today that Melissa's grandmother, Karen's cancer is back. She is in the Cancer Center at UK tonight. I haven't heard yet what options she might have as for treatment, but they know the cancer is aggressive.
Please keep Karen in your prayers. Remember her doctors, her husband Bill, her children and all of us who try to minister to them and help them through whatever lies ahead. I know God is bigger than this, He's the Creator of all life and therefore can heal all sickness. If He grants healing to Karen, praise His name! If He sees fit to give Karen the ultimate healing and take her home to glory where there is no more sickness or pain of any kind then praise His name. I pray that her family will lean on Him for all they need and will give Him the glory for all.
Blessings,
G~
Please keep Karen in your prayers. Remember her doctors, her husband Bill, her children and all of us who try to minister to them and help them through whatever lies ahead. I know God is bigger than this, He's the Creator of all life and therefore can heal all sickness. If He grants healing to Karen, praise His name! If He sees fit to give Karen the ultimate healing and take her home to glory where there is no more sickness or pain of any kind then praise His name. I pray that her family will lean on Him for all they need and will give Him the glory for all.
Blessings,
G~
Monday, October 17, 2011
a little scary...
It really IS scary when I think about how similar this whole ear infection thing is to when I developed SJS in '94. Y'see, I went back to have them rechecked on Friday and the infection isn't gone. So doc put me on another antibiotic and to NOT stop taking the first one, that had two days left to go. I think I was on antibiotic #4 when I went into shock and then into the ER and eventually spent the 2 weeks in the hospital with SJS. So I'm praying that this will cure it because there aren't a whole lot of other options for me, ya know? Gah! And I STILL haven't got my flu shot so I'm trying to steer clear of anyone who has symptoms if I can.
One thing IS better though... well, sort of... my sugars are staying in a better range now. The down side of that is that I've been having a lot of lows and that is NOT good. Seems like either they're just getting harder on me or my sugar had been running too high for long enough to make the lows "hit me" harder. They sure have been doing a number on me. Saturday I just KEPT staying low til that evening when it went over 400! GAH! That makes me SO MAD!!! >:( I hate when it does that.
But oh well... I just wanted to let you know how the check up went.
Blessings,
G~
One thing IS better though... well, sort of... my sugars are staying in a better range now. The down side of that is that I've been having a lot of lows and that is NOT good. Seems like either they're just getting harder on me or my sugar had been running too high for long enough to make the lows "hit me" harder. They sure have been doing a number on me. Saturday I just KEPT staying low til that evening when it went over 400! GAH! That makes me SO MAD!!! >:( I hate when it does that.
But oh well... I just wanted to let you know how the check up went.
Blessings,
G~
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
miscellaneous & sundry...
... just to forewarn you that this post has no discernible direction as yet. ;) Just wanted to update you, you being me, because best I can tell, not a soul has looked at this blog. *shrugs* And that's okay. As much as I'd love some interaction, some comments, some VIEW numbers besides my own (LOL!) I'm content to just ease back into a sorta journaling with a blog again. It's amazing how rusty I am after years of NOT keeping up a blog! ANYhow... for the update...
I been sick. *cough cough* No, really. I have. I finally got sick of waiting for this awful yeast infection to go away. I'm not talking "internal" here, y'all, lest you get all uncomfortable & squirmy. ;) As bad as that kind is, this is outside, right where my legs attach to my *whispering* groin.... Awful, bumpy, stinging, itchy rash. ARGH! I thought it was probably from my sugars going up and down since I'd been painting & stuff. Any time I do something like that, especially after being a spud for so long, my sugars will drop, then I'll end up bouncing it too high. The lows I've had lately have been in the 30's, and they've been the panicky, sweaty, shaky kind that I don't realize are coming on til, *BAM*, there it is, full on hypoglycemia! So when I have a low like that, I always get ravenous afterward and the panicky part makes me overreact and "over correct", which then bounces me up too high. Too-high sugars can trigger a yeast infection, since yeast loves sugar & all. *sigh*
I had been using Nystatin cream, which should have cleared it up, but it didn't. Plus I had had that awful, hacking asthma-cough thing I get occasionally. It had hung on, coming in spells, for about 2 weeks. I finally broke down & went to the doctor.
Besides, it's time I get my flu shot AND I needed to have him write me a prescription for brand name Wellbutrin. Long story there, maybe in another post... So he asks if I've had a fever, sore throat, etc... nope. Just the cough & my albuterol inhaler wasn't helping at all. He asked if my ears were hurting. Nope. Just the cough, okay?! Then he looks in my ears and in that strange Indian way he has of making faces and comments says, "Odd." Well, I KNEW that wasn't good. He says, "I can't believe your ears aren't hurting."..*trails off* Um... uhkay. WHY? "Because you have a bad infection in both of them." Hmph! Who knew? I told him it was probably because I'd had a constant headache for several weeks and couldn't feel the ear pain because of that. Ha.
So, that was probably why I had the yeast infection because infection can jack up my sugars, which then feeds the yeast, et cetera, et cetera... No wonder I've been feeling like crap! But instead of giving me Diflucan, which is what I normally take when I have a mega-yeast infection that doesn't respond to OTC remedies, he gave me a powder form of the Nystatin saying that way the yeast doesn't also have moisture to thrive in. Urgh. I didn't know this is what he'd done til I got to the pharmacy since he sent the prescriptions via computer and I didn't get to look at them. Otherwise I'd have asked for the Diflucan right then. Any time I take antibiotics, I end up with a yeast infection, too, so starting out with one just wasn't good.
But I waited. That was last Friday, so I tried the powder all weekend, not really seeing any signs of improvement. Needless to say, Monday, I called and asked for the Diflucan. He ordered me seven of them. (Normal dose is one and for "normal" people, that usually wipes the infection out.) ... (of course, you realize by now, *I* am decidedly NOT normal..)
I got the stuff yesterday, have now taken three doses and have yet to see any improvement. I should have called him back Friday for the Diflucan, but by the time he was done with my appointment, the office was already closed. GAH!
And so, I've never had the first bit of pain in my ears, either. Which I find extremely weird, although when I had the SJS in 1994 it started with an ear infection, fiddling around for a couple weeks with about 4 antibiotics trying to cure it and then I had the reaction. *sigh*
So anyhow, I go back for a recheck day after tomorrow. Lord willing, that'll all be better and I can go ahead & get my flu shot over with.
I'm still not done with the small bedroom. Matter of fact, I haven't even touched it since I went to the doctor last week! I think I may go in there and get back to painting that trim. I wish Tommy would go ahead and take the carpet out so that I can get to the very bottom of the trim. He's talking about doing wood flooring in there, since he got so much practice doing it at his friend's house. I don't want to have to sand & repaint because there are carpet marks all over the trim! NOTE TO SELF: MAKE Tommy take the carpet up tonight! *heh*
Alrighty, I need to get busy, so take care & God bless!!
G~
I been sick. *cough cough* No, really. I have. I finally got sick of waiting for this awful yeast infection to go away. I'm not talking "internal" here, y'all, lest you get all uncomfortable & squirmy. ;) As bad as that kind is, this is outside, right where my legs attach to my *whispering* groin.... Awful, bumpy, stinging, itchy rash. ARGH! I thought it was probably from my sugars going up and down since I'd been painting & stuff. Any time I do something like that, especially after being a spud for so long, my sugars will drop, then I'll end up bouncing it too high. The lows I've had lately have been in the 30's, and they've been the panicky, sweaty, shaky kind that I don't realize are coming on til, *BAM*, there it is, full on hypoglycemia! So when I have a low like that, I always get ravenous afterward and the panicky part makes me overreact and "over correct", which then bounces me up too high. Too-high sugars can trigger a yeast infection, since yeast loves sugar & all. *sigh*
I had been using Nystatin cream, which should have cleared it up, but it didn't. Plus I had had that awful, hacking asthma-cough thing I get occasionally. It had hung on, coming in spells, for about 2 weeks. I finally broke down & went to the doctor.
Besides, it's time I get my flu shot AND I needed to have him write me a prescription for brand name Wellbutrin. Long story there, maybe in another post... So he asks if I've had a fever, sore throat, etc... nope. Just the cough & my albuterol inhaler wasn't helping at all. He asked if my ears were hurting. Nope. Just the cough, okay?! Then he looks in my ears and in that strange Indian way he has of making faces and comments says, "Odd." Well, I KNEW that wasn't good. He says, "I can't believe your ears aren't hurting."..*trails off* Um... uhkay. WHY? "Because you have a bad infection in both of them." Hmph! Who knew? I told him it was probably because I'd had a constant headache for several weeks and couldn't feel the ear pain because of that. Ha.
So, that was probably why I had the yeast infection because infection can jack up my sugars, which then feeds the yeast, et cetera, et cetera... No wonder I've been feeling like crap! But instead of giving me Diflucan, which is what I normally take when I have a mega-yeast infection that doesn't respond to OTC remedies, he gave me a powder form of the Nystatin saying that way the yeast doesn't also have moisture to thrive in. Urgh. I didn't know this is what he'd done til I got to the pharmacy since he sent the prescriptions via computer and I didn't get to look at them. Otherwise I'd have asked for the Diflucan right then. Any time I take antibiotics, I end up with a yeast infection, too, so starting out with one just wasn't good.
But I waited. That was last Friday, so I tried the powder all weekend, not really seeing any signs of improvement. Needless to say, Monday, I called and asked for the Diflucan. He ordered me seven of them. (Normal dose is one and for "normal" people, that usually wipes the infection out.) ... (of course, you realize by now, *I* am decidedly NOT normal..)
I got the stuff yesterday, have now taken three doses and have yet to see any improvement. I should have called him back Friday for the Diflucan, but by the time he was done with my appointment, the office was already closed. GAH!
And so, I've never had the first bit of pain in my ears, either. Which I find extremely weird, although when I had the SJS in 1994 it started with an ear infection, fiddling around for a couple weeks with about 4 antibiotics trying to cure it and then I had the reaction. *sigh*
So anyhow, I go back for a recheck day after tomorrow. Lord willing, that'll all be better and I can go ahead & get my flu shot over with.
I'm still not done with the small bedroom. Matter of fact, I haven't even touched it since I went to the doctor last week! I think I may go in there and get back to painting that trim. I wish Tommy would go ahead and take the carpet out so that I can get to the very bottom of the trim. He's talking about doing wood flooring in there, since he got so much practice doing it at his friend's house. I don't want to have to sand & repaint because there are carpet marks all over the trim! NOTE TO SELF: MAKE Tommy take the carpet up tonight! *heh*
Alrighty, I need to get busy, so take care & God bless!!
G~
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
bleh...
I hate it when I get like this. *sigh*
How is "this"? Well, it's a totally overwhelmed, anti-focus, hurts-to-think-about-all-the-stuff-I-need-to-get-done kinda thing. And of course, I would get a bad case of it when my house is in utter chaos.
I was working on sanding some of the holes Tommy had patched up in the little bedroom yesterday, and getting started on painting the trim in there when Mom called. She had been really sick all day with that whatever-it-is she gets that keeps her running to the bathroom all day til she basically has nothing of substance in her body. ANYway...my aunt had called to tell her she had a bunch of greens for us. Of course, Mom didn't want any in her condition and she didn't feel like driving out to pick them up either. So I stopped what I was doing, cleaned up a bit and drove out there.
Sis (that's what we've always called my mom's oldest sister) had a black garbage bag FULL of the most huge 'greens' I'd ever seen! I came home, divvied some out for my sister to take & set about the washing process and heating up a huge pot of water to parboil them in. Needless to say, I didn't get back to my painting, but boy, those green WERE really delicious.
I think I must have eaten more than I should have because today, my intestines are not so happy. Still, it was worth it. I could LIVE on greens if they weren't so much trouble AND if they didn't cause me so much intestinal distress. *urgh*
Woke up today with a major sinus headache to add to my lower-body chaos, so I haven't got anything done except brewing up a pot of coffee and catching up with my peeps online. *sigh* Besides, I won't be doing much in the bedroom today anyhow... I HAVE to do laundry. The guys are fishing socks out of the laundry basket piled up on the couch and this morning, I had to dig to find what was probably the last clean pair of underwear Tommy has. *sheesh!* So... it's laundry today... and the family room is SUCH a mess, I hate to take the stuff in there to fold & sort.... Maybe I'll make up the bed, which is always semi-piled at the footboard. What a mess! And with the holidays approaching, as they ALWAYS are anytime we try to do any "gussy-ing" up of the house, I'm getting frantic.... but then again, I'm kinda too tired to be TOO frantic, ya know?
I'm supposed to go with some friends from high school to Lexington to see an Etta Mae show Friday. I've never seen her in person, but two of the girls who live in Lexington now go see her often. They say she's even funnier in person. A couple of London gals are driving up there, so I'm going to ride with them if I go.
Part of the time I'm all like, "YAY! What a fun thing to do! Yesss!" then other times I'm like, "Nah. I don't feel like it and what's the use of going anyway.." Ick. I hate when I feel that way. I probably NEED to go. I SHOULD go, seeing as Tommy has gone on numerous fun-with-buddies things over the years. Eh... I dunno. We'll see what happens, I guess.
Okie doke, I gotta get busy on this laundry.
Blessings...
G~
How is "this"? Well, it's a totally overwhelmed, anti-focus, hurts-to-think-about-all-the-stuff-I-need-to-get-done kinda thing. And of course, I would get a bad case of it when my house is in utter chaos.
I was working on sanding some of the holes Tommy had patched up in the little bedroom yesterday, and getting started on painting the trim in there when Mom called. She had been really sick all day with that whatever-it-is she gets that keeps her running to the bathroom all day til she basically has nothing of substance in her body. ANYway...my aunt had called to tell her she had a bunch of greens for us. Of course, Mom didn't want any in her condition and she didn't feel like driving out to pick them up either. So I stopped what I was doing, cleaned up a bit and drove out there.
Sis (that's what we've always called my mom's oldest sister) had a black garbage bag FULL of the most huge 'greens' I'd ever seen! I came home, divvied some out for my sister to take & set about the washing process and heating up a huge pot of water to parboil them in. Needless to say, I didn't get back to my painting, but boy, those green WERE really delicious.
I think I must have eaten more than I should have because today, my intestines are not so happy. Still, it was worth it. I could LIVE on greens if they weren't so much trouble AND if they didn't cause me so much intestinal distress. *urgh*
Woke up today with a major sinus headache to add to my lower-body chaos, so I haven't got anything done except brewing up a pot of coffee and catching up with my peeps online. *sigh* Besides, I won't be doing much in the bedroom today anyhow... I HAVE to do laundry. The guys are fishing socks out of the laundry basket piled up on the couch and this morning, I had to dig to find what was probably the last clean pair of underwear Tommy has. *sheesh!* So... it's laundry today... and the family room is SUCH a mess, I hate to take the stuff in there to fold & sort.... Maybe I'll make up the bed, which is always semi-piled at the footboard. What a mess! And with the holidays approaching, as they ALWAYS are anytime we try to do any "gussy-ing" up of the house, I'm getting frantic.... but then again, I'm kinda too tired to be TOO frantic, ya know?
I'm supposed to go with some friends from high school to Lexington to see an Etta Mae show Friday. I've never seen her in person, but two of the girls who live in Lexington now go see her often. They say she's even funnier in person. A couple of London gals are driving up there, so I'm going to ride with them if I go.
Part of the time I'm all like, "YAY! What a fun thing to do! Yesss!" then other times I'm like, "Nah. I don't feel like it and what's the use of going anyway.." Ick. I hate when I feel that way. I probably NEED to go. I SHOULD go, seeing as Tommy has gone on numerous fun-with-buddies things over the years. Eh... I dunno. We'll see what happens, I guess.
Okie doke, I gotta get busy on this laundry.
Blessings...
G~
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Gettin' into The Big D...
Don't get all excited. I'm talking about diabetes. Lately, I've been reading a lot of "diabetes" themed blogs and finding it all very interesting.
I've never been really "into" (for lack of a better word) any kind of diabetes group/diabetic club thing. I've never had another person close to my age who also had diabetes for a friend other than that one time I went to a diabetes camp when I was about 9 and was traumatized to be so far away from home. I did make a very nice friend there. But again, I was only 9 and she lived ... well, I dunno where she lived because the camp took kids from all over the state. At that age, and long before the internet-connectivity that we have now, we never gave a thought to trying to keep in touch, so I have lost Erin Idontknowherlastnameeither and relegated her to fond memories from a less-than-fun experience at camp. I hope she's thriving, wherever she is.
I've never been terribly self-conscious about telling people I have diabetes. All through school, people would forget I had it til I happened to mention it or I had a bad low blood sugar in front of them. I like telling people about diabetes, helping them understand it better, but there are always "those people" you wish you hadn't told or didn't have to tell.
There are the Big Deal people who, because Aunt Petunia on her daddy's side had sugar die-beeteez and they know exactly what to do should you, you know, pass out or something. And you get the feeling that it's in your best interest NOT to EVER do that around this person because you might wake up with a new scar or something. Just sayin'...
Then there are the All Out Panic people who start hyperventilating as if you've just told them that in 10 seconds, your head is going to explode and they'll have to put it all back together blindfolded with one hand tied behind their back OR ELSE. Sheesh! CALM DOWN, wouldja? I just like for people to be informed!
There's the I Know Somebody Who Died From That people. These are really awful people sometimes. They're like the women who sit in the OB's office telling every possible horror story to all the first-time moms. They live for opportunities to scare the beejeebers outta someone by exaggerating. OR they are just genuinely so ignorant that they don't realize how totally rude it is. As a fellow online diabetical person said, they would never go up to someone with cancer & say, "Hey, I know somebody who died from that!" I mean, c'MON!
Then you have the Diabetes Police types who will never EVER forget you have it and will comment on every single choice you make, especially when it comes to food. They will say, in that totally annoying tone of voice, "Do you think you should be eating that?" or worse, they will TELL you, "You shouldn't eat that." As if their mere knowledge that you have diabetes automatically makes them qualified to pass judgements on what you do. These are by far the worst of the worst on the diabetic-annoyance scale.
And last, there are the What Did You Do Wrong folks. Now these people are a little different in that #1- a lot of times they are your family members and #2- sometimes they are even your doctor or endocrinologist/diabetes specialist. They KNOW a lot of stuff about diabetes. They know you fairly well in most cases. However, when it comes to realizing that the unexpected still happens, EVEN when you try to maintain as much control as we diabetics do, they just don't get it. Far from it! Just as it's quite easy for anyone to catch a cold, no matter how hard they try not to, it's just a simple for things to go haywire with diabetes control. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, our sugar's gonna spike or bottom out, whether we bolused or checked & rechecked our sugar. Sometimes you simply cannot explain why things go wonky with diabetes. It's just the nature of the beast.
So.. there wasn't much of a purpose to this post other than watching Ginger's vlog made me start thinking about this stuff because I was like, amening her the whole time! ;) Sometimes I forget there are other people out there who deal with the same things I do and it's SO nice to be reminded I'm not really as alone as I usually feel.
Maybe this will be the beginning of more thoughtful posts on living with diabetes 24/7/365 and in turn, help me stay in better control.
Thanks for reading!
G~
I've never been really "into" (for lack of a better word) any kind of diabetes group/diabetic club thing. I've never had another person close to my age who also had diabetes for a friend other than that one time I went to a diabetes camp when I was about 9 and was traumatized to be so far away from home. I did make a very nice friend there. But again, I was only 9 and she lived ... well, I dunno where she lived because the camp took kids from all over the state. At that age, and long before the internet-connectivity that we have now, we never gave a thought to trying to keep in touch, so I have lost Erin Idontknowherlastnameeither and relegated her to fond memories from a less-than-fun experience at camp. I hope she's thriving, wherever she is.
I've never been terribly self-conscious about telling people I have diabetes. All through school, people would forget I had it til I happened to mention it or I had a bad low blood sugar in front of them. I like telling people about diabetes, helping them understand it better, but there are always "those people" you wish you hadn't told or didn't have to tell.
There are the Big Deal people who, because Aunt Petunia on her daddy's side had sugar die-beeteez and they know exactly what to do should you, you know, pass out or something. And you get the feeling that it's in your best interest NOT to EVER do that around this person because you might wake up with a new scar or something. Just sayin'...
Then there are the All Out Panic people who start hyperventilating as if you've just told them that in 10 seconds, your head is going to explode and they'll have to put it all back together blindfolded with one hand tied behind their back OR ELSE. Sheesh! CALM DOWN, wouldja? I just like for people to be informed!
There's the I Know Somebody Who Died From That people. These are really awful people sometimes. They're like the women who sit in the OB's office telling every possible horror story to all the first-time moms. They live for opportunities to scare the beejeebers outta someone by exaggerating. OR they are just genuinely so ignorant that they don't realize how totally rude it is. As a fellow online diabetical person said, they would never go up to someone with cancer & say, "Hey, I know somebody who died from that!" I mean, c'MON!
Then you have the Diabetes Police types who will never EVER forget you have it and will comment on every single choice you make, especially when it comes to food. They will say, in that totally annoying tone of voice, "Do you think you should be eating that?" or worse, they will TELL you, "You shouldn't eat that." As if their mere knowledge that you have diabetes automatically makes them qualified to pass judgements on what you do. These are by far the worst of the worst on the diabetic-annoyance scale.
And last, there are the What Did You Do Wrong folks. Now these people are a little different in that #1- a lot of times they are your family members and #2- sometimes they are even your doctor or endocrinologist/diabetes specialist. They KNOW a lot of stuff about diabetes. They know you fairly well in most cases. However, when it comes to realizing that the unexpected still happens, EVEN when you try to maintain as much control as we diabetics do, they just don't get it. Far from it! Just as it's quite easy for anyone to catch a cold, no matter how hard they try not to, it's just a simple for things to go haywire with diabetes control. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, our sugar's gonna spike or bottom out, whether we bolused or checked & rechecked our sugar. Sometimes you simply cannot explain why things go wonky with diabetes. It's just the nature of the beast.
So.. there wasn't much of a purpose to this post other than watching Ginger's vlog made me start thinking about this stuff because I was like, amening her the whole time! ;) Sometimes I forget there are other people out there who deal with the same things I do and it's SO nice to be reminded I'm not really as alone as I usually feel.
Maybe this will be the beginning of more thoughtful posts on living with diabetes 24/7/365 and in turn, help me stay in better control.
Thanks for reading!
G~
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