buried in a pile of blessings...

That's how I feel today.  I told you about being so happy that my baby son has found the girl who seems to literally complete him.  How much my husband and I love her already, how we can look back and see how God Himself placed her in our lives.  She feels like that missing piece in our puzzle.

Yesterday was an odd sort of Sunday.  For the past almost 6 weeks, Our Girl has been coming to church with us.  Baby Son joined the church last Sunday, which overjoyed us, of course.  It's been a hard couple of years worshipping & serving The Lord apart from our children.  But we see how God is using our First Baby Boy to minister to the youth in another church in his wife's hometown.  We are thankful that God didn't call him to a place far away from us because I'm not sure that this poor mama could have stood the pain of them leaving us & living so far away.  

But our Baby Son hadn't made up his mind yet where he wanted to make his church home.  The last church we all belonged to for many years, well, I think I talked about it in a previous post...  so I won't repeat it now, but needless to say, we were thrilled to be able to sit in a church service with one of our sons, and now, with his sweet girlfriend as well. 

So, yeah, we had this great early service, then Baby Son came with one of the young boys that spends a lot of time with the boys, came to the second service.  

I got involved in a conversation with a lady from our Emmaus community & found out she had a prayer need involving her husband who is a recovering alcoholic.  Then another lady, both of them were serving as greeters that day, from our Emmaus community came over, and the three of us talked for awhile, then the first lady decided she'd better go so her husband wouldn't think she was talking about him so the second lady and I talked for some time.  Hubby was outside talking to some other people.

This lady began to share about "randomly" (ha! nope, totally God's will!) being put in the path of a man she'd met before through the counsellor at our church.  This man was suicidal at that time, & this morning when our care pastor brought him to this lady, she recognized him.  She was asking for prayer for him.

Then, Hubby came back in looking for me, and this lady wanted to talk with him about the man and see if he had any ideas for getting the man involved with some other Godly men who would hold him accountable & check on him, etc.  We had a prayer for the man and (woo!! chill bumps!)  God just met with us and it was like we had another church service while in the auditorium, the second service was taking place.   :)

Hubby ended up getting to talk to the man, because we stayed and waited for second service to let out so we could talk to our son, too.  This particular Sunday, Our Girl had gone to her home church to try and get some resolution about where she should be attending church.  

Baby Son was planning to go with her, but one of the other boys who spends a lot of time with my kids got sick and called Baby Son to come get him... yes, instead of caling his parents, he called my son.  

What a great testimony to how my children are ministering to these kids.  So, Our Girl and Baby Son had gone to pick up this boy, they tended to him for some time before Our Girl left for home.  She will be an RN after her graduation this May, so it was so good she was there!

So back to our Sunday... our First Baby son was out of town with his wife for their FIFTH ANNIVERSARY!!!  Goodness, that seems like such a long time, but at the same time, not long at all.  So anyway, it was just me, Hubby, Baby Son & Our Girl and the boy who'd come to church that morning.  

We sat in Subway, eating our late supper after going to an amazing singing service at our church that evening... and we started talking... and the subject turned serious as it related to Baby Son & Our Girl...  when it got to the point where she and I were both about to cry, we decided to head home to finish our talk. 

We had let her know that, due to some thick tension in her family, that she was more than welcome to move in with us if she wanted. Or she was welcome to stay for a night or two, whatever she needed.  We were letting her know we meant it, we hadn't had second thoughts about it and how much she means to us... how much we view her as our own daughter.

She said while at Subway that she was working up the courage to tell us something, so that's when we headed home.  Once we got home, she proceeded to tell us how much she felt like a part of our family, how Hubby and I had filled a sort-of void she had for a close relationship with her parents & and we all talked about the future.  It was a great time and then the boy who had gotten sick came back...

The other boy, who had been with us at Subway, asked about hearing Our Girl's testimony, because she'd mentioned wanting to tell it to the boys because she felt it would help them or at least let them know that she knew what they were dealing with.

So, she and Baby Son drove back to his house, where she had left a hard copy of her testimony with him to read, and she came back up and read it in the firelight.  I had heard it before at Emmaus, but Hubby hadn't.  We all sat in silence as she stood on the other side of that firepit, with Baby Son's arm around her shoulders for support while he shined a light on the paper for her.  It was such a sweet time of fellowship and love.

I am just completely buried in this big pile of blessings and sometimes it makes me scared that something really bad is coming.  That there's no way my life can be this full of God's love without something in the future that will rob me of these blessings.  Or that maybe God is "blessing me up" before a time of struggle and trial.  

I honestly don't know, but I am not going to spend my time worrying about the future.  If I have learned nothing else during this time of God teaching me about what fear really is and that it should have no affect on me, I have learned to appreciate each and every blessing and not diminish the goodness of them by worrying about things that haven't happened yet, or may never happen at all.

How silly!   So, if you need to find me, look under that great big pile of God's love and behind this big doofusy grin.  I'll be there.

Blessings to you!

community...

I think I shared here how my hubby and I became the "leaders" of our church's community group. A community group is what most people refer to as "small group" or "accountability group". If not, well, we joined the group right after we finished a 6-week course that was basically a church-info thing. The church we attend is huge & definitely qualifies as a "mega church" in this area. But it's so radically different from any other traditional church in our area, they used to have this short "class" of sorts to let people understand the what's & why-fore's about the church. However, it was entitled "Next Steps" and some folks thought it was for new Christians. We're hoping they will start it back up all new & improved because it was a big help to us and let us ask questions we had about the doctrine and practices of the church before we joined.

So after the Next Steps group, we joined a group that, at the time, the pastor was a part of. That's before our church expanded to a second campus in the next town and his wife started her internship at the hospital in a town 80 miles away and they began a life of residing in two different places, travelling many miles every week! The group grew so large that it split at one point, then they broke for summer vacation. After that, when it was announced that groups would start meeting again, we and two other couples showed up at the usual room but no leader was to be found. Someone said they were still on vacation. We didn't know for sure, hadn't had any word from them, but we had one new couple there, so we just carried on as usual, discussing the sermon notes. The next week, the same thing happened... the man who had previously led our group wasn't there and a different new couple had come to join us.

After that second week, I emailed the guy who oversaw Community Groups to let him know what we'd been doing, to ask where the leader was & to find out if the group had moved or something. The reply I got was an apology for letting that happen, and a congratulations for "stepping up" and notice that we would now be listed as the group's "leaders".

Egads!! I wasn't expecting that! It made Tommy a bit uneasy because he didn't see himself as any sort of church leader, but after praying about it and talking it over with a couple of his friends, we took it as something the Lord wanted us to do, and plunged ahead.

At that time, the church staff started working on plans to "do" community groups in a more methodical, organized way. And so here we are, almost a year later with Tommy's supervisor at work (& a dear friend now) being appointed the new community groups' coordinator and getting ready for an event called "Group Link" next Sunday evening.

As I understand it, it'll be like a sort of job fair for Community Groups. People will be scattered around the large "foyer" area, representing their group and folks can wander around asking questions and getting info about any particular group they think will fit their schedules and interests.

We've been given a book and a DVD about leading and "running" community groups to be the most efficient and most helpful to folks. Of course, this would have to have happened the same time we started taking a 10-week Christian financial course, too. *sigh*

We have GOT to get busy reading the information. I'm praying it will be helpful. It seems that in the past the biggest problem, or one of the biggest, was having info about the various groups since most meet outside the church and on various days and various times. Hopefully, setting up one person to be in charge of groups info this way will help eliminate that. And they plan to have these Group Link events at least four times per year.

The suggestion is to have around 6-8 people per group, then to close that group. That way you promote community and build trust. And we have found that to be so since our group has been meeting at the church on Sunday evenings, we tend to "catch" people who have been looking for a group or who don't know that our church doesn't have a traditional service on Sunday nights. It's been good to be able to let these people join in, but in about 99% of the cases, our group is not what they want or need. Either the age range is off, the interest or life stage is incompatible or something. And they leave. Of course, with our core group of folks, we're not as forthcoming or spend the time explaining things to the new person and don't get to delve as deeply into things as we normally would.

I'm just praying that, as it looks like we may be losing the two couples who have been the core of our group (due to changing job situations, etc) we may be starting from scratch and that makes me a little uneasy. You don't realize how much you've come to depend on a close relationship with others in your group til you're about to lose them. But I guess God's got something else in store for us and I'm confident that He will place the right people in our group.

The last thing I'll mention is the fear I have, well, more of a concern, but still something I need to overcome, of having people in our group that we have trouble connecting with. Sometimes you get folks that you just can't "click" with and you stay unsure of for one reason or another. Sometimes they seem oblivious to this situation or sometimes they seem to feel the total opposite that you do and want to cling tightly to you... all the while, you're trying your darnedest to meet their needs while still feeling "out of sync" with them.

*sigh* I'm praying God settles this for us too. And I'm sure He will... I just hope it's not by bringing us a whole posse of people we feel non-comfortable with. LOL! Wouldn't that just be the way to teach us, though?

Ha. Thanks for reading... I'll keep you posted on how this goes!

Blessings!

judgmental...

of or denoting an attitude in which judgments about other people's conduct are made

1. Of, relating to, or dependent on judgment: a judgmental error.
2. Inclined to make judgments, especially moral or personal ones: a marriage counselor who tries not to be judgmental.

Don't we all know them? Judgmental people. And, for the most part, don't we all despise that quality? I know I do.

Did you know the word judgment is used 235 times in the ESV (English Standard Version) and 408 times in the KJV (King James Version)? The word judge is used 226 times in the ESV and 286 times in the KJV. The word judgmental is used zero times in either of those versions of the Bible. Maybe that's because man sort of created that word AND its meaning.

Our pastor has been doing a series of sermons he calls "Things People Hate About Christians". LOL! How do ya like that? It's been an awesome series. This is something I really appreciate about our pastor... he takes on topics that, if you grew up in a traditional Protestant church, you always wondered about but either you knew not to ask, or you did ask and wasn't given a real answer. He comes from a "religious" background: grew up in a Baptist church, his dad was a deacon, his family was always at every church service & always active in church activities. That's basically me. And it's also a lot of other people, or at least close to it.

So he tackled these issues and it's SO refreshing to hear honest answers, even if they're not comfortable to hear. For instance, one of the sermons in this series was Hypocrisy. Oooh, that stung, didn't it? He also talked about Judgmental attitudes.

Ouch. He didn't just brow-beat us about being judgmental, but he showed us that judging things, and yes, even people (by their actions (fruit) was Biblical, however, he pointed out very eloquently & logically how we should not judge "outsiders", those who are not part of the Body of Christ, in the same way we judge "our own", the "insiders", the Christians.

It's unfair to judge people who make no claims to follow Jesus in the same way we judge (or ascertain their spiritual health by what we see in their lives) people who claim to know Jesus and have made Him the Master of their lives. And when you boil it down, that IS where a lot of churches today have it seriously wrong.

For instance, I read from a local man how the preacher at his church had basically run off a couple who'd started coming there, telling them that because they were living together outside of marriage, they were not welcome.

*mouth gapes open, eyes wide* How's that for agape love? Sheesh!

Now, I am willing to admit that a few years ago, that would have been my sentiment. Yes, I grew up with the mindset that everyone knows the Bible, knows they are living in sin, and should know enough to "clean themselves up" before coming to church.

But where in the Bible does it say this or even HINT that anyone can or should try to "clean themselves" before approaching God??? Doesn't scripture teach the exact opposite of this? Don't our very hymns say, Just as I am, without one plea...??? And What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus...???

How can we get them to Jesus if we ban them from the church because they're not "living right" or whatever?? Good grief!! I've seen this happen over and over in my life. Matter of fact, in one very legalistic (judgmental) church we found ourselves in many years ago, our family was a victim of this kind of thinking. Only they were judging us, supposed "insiders", according to some additional pastor-created rules that were entirely unBiblical. Thank God we got out of there. That was one of the worst times in my life as these people literally tried to drive a wedge between my husband and myself over their self-righteous man-made rules.

*puke*

I know of at least two other families, very "high up" in this church who came out of it with broken families and deep emotional, spiritual scars. How very sad. I'm so thankful we didn't end up that way. But let me tell you, it was not easy and it was not without the Hand of God moving in our lives.

I get annoyed when someone wants to start a "debate" about Christianity and first thing they do is throw out the "Who are you to judge me?" argument. These people are in serious denial and/or have been victims of some "salt-bombing" (I'll explain that one later) harsh, misguided Christian who told them all about the many rules they were breaking as if they (the victim) should know better.

2 Chronicles 19:5-6 tells us about Solomon appointing judges in the land to decide disputes among the people. And in these particular scriptures, he's telling them to be wise because they are not working for men, but for the Lord. Oh, if our judges today took their jobs as seriously as these men probably did!

I always feel the need to point out that the Bible does NOT tell us as Christians that we are not to judge. How else are we to know what is right or wrong if we don't use our God-given minds to judge between the two? It does, however, tell us

In 2 Corinthians 13:5-6, Paul tells us to "test ourselves", and I believe that means not only our own personal self, but also those who are "like us", ie: saved by grace, a professing Christian:

Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test! I hope you will find out that we have not failed the test.

God is the Ultimate Judge of the whole world. Psalm 9:7-9 tells us

"But the Lord sits enthroned forever;
he has established his throne for justice,
and he judges the world with righteousness;
he judges the peoples with uprightness.
The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble."

And Ezekiel 24:14 tells us

"I am the Lord. I have spoken; it shall come to pass; I will do it. I will not go back; I will not spare; I will not relent; according to your ways and your deeds you will be judged, declares the Lord God.”

That should make us take very seriously the way we live our lives, the way we treat others, how generous we are with the needy, how kind we are to the hurting...

We need to realize that our behavior affects our influence with those who are watching. Never think no one is watching you. There's ALWAYS someone watching us. Either to see if we'll succeed or to see if we'll fail. It doesn't matter if we rise or fall, they will be watching how we react to everything that happens in our lives. React with the knowledge that Jesus is in control, no matter what happens. And please, remember we as Christians are here to bring people to Christ and we can't do that if we are repelling people by being judgmental.

Blessings!

anticipation...

Every time I read that word, I hear the song in my head & remember the ketchup commercial from the 70's! But this post isn't about ketchup. It's about anticipation *ahem* or rather expectations and what can happen when we anticipate that our expectations will be met.. then they aren't.

I don't have to tell you, that leads to disappointment more often than not. I started thinking about this after reading another post about this very thing in relation to holidays, specifically Valentine's Day.

Boy, do I have some things to say about Valentine's Day.

I dated my husband for almost 2 years before we got married. I was still in high school since he graduated the year before me. During my senior year, Tommy was working all the time, first as a pizza delivery guy, then with a concrete contractor. I have to say, I never dated or tried to date the "rich" boys. All my (few!) boyfriends were just regular joes, from middle-class families.

So, Tommy was delivering pizzas when Valentine's day rolled around my senior year. I hadn't gotten anything delivered while at school, which was the "in thing" to do... y'know, so EVERYONE could see what your boyfriend got you. Yeah. I was a little disappointed, but we had a date for that night, so I still had high hopes.

Well, Tommy was late. About 45 minutes late, so I was already a little upset with him. As he walked through the door of my parents' house I was ready to grill him about where he'd been when he tossed a card toward me, then a small pink teddy bear and said, "I got a ticket because I stopped to get that stupid card."

I'll allow you a few minutes to pick your jaw up off the floor.

:::::::

Yeah, that's what he said. Seems he saw he was running late, so instead of parking in a space, he pulled up in front of the drugstore, ran in & did his shopping for me, his beloved. Um... yeah, he waited til the last minute.

That was STRIKE ONE.

Then he was late. Really late.

That was STRIKE TWO.

Then he called the card stupid. In front of my dad! Who, by the way, just stood mid-stride with his obligatory bowl of popcorn, grinning about the whole scene.

That's STRIKE THREE. And he's outta here!

Oh. My. Goodness!!

We didn't really fight, but then again, that wasn't the first traffic-related ticket he'd gotten since we'd been together either. But that's a whole 'nother story...

And so, yes, I married him about 6 months later ANYWAY. And when Valentine's Day rolled around again, he came home with a card. First thing outta my mouth was, "Is this another stupid card?"

Heh. Yeah... so the "stupid card" comes up every year. But not always in a mean or hateful way. These days, it comes up as a laugh. Once Tommy was chatting with a young husband who was for some reason telling Tommy the ways he "impressed" his then-girlfriend/now-wife with flowers, slipping in a fake one with the live bouquet & writing on the card, "I'll love you longer than the blossoms on these flowers." and such as that.

So, Tommy told him our Valentine's Day saga and he still razzes Tommy about it to this day. If he sees me, he ALWAYS asks if I got a stupid card.

Anyhow, so this Valentine's day, as with most days in our lives, we were running extremely tight with our finances. I was not expecting to get anything. I was busy doing up all the laundry because in a few days, I'd be leaving to go serve at an Emmaus weekend.

I never noticed Tommy slip anything into the house, but the next morning when I got up, he presented me with a pot of tulips. He knows I love flowers, but hate how they fade so quickly. These I can plant outside & enjoy for years to come. Then, after he'd gone to work I found a pink post-it note on the mirror in our bathroom with "Happy V Day!" which made me laugh because more than likely, he put "V" because he was almost late for work. That or he was afraid of spelling it wrong. ;) Then I found another pink note with the same message on the coffee maker. Another one on a mug in the cabinet. Another one on the fridge. I expected to find one on the bottle of creamer but didn't. LOL! Then I found another on the back door where I let Tucker in and out (all day long!)

I was so touched by this simple gesture. I can say that this was the sweetest Valentine's Day ever. And people, we've been married for twenty-seven years!! ;) But just the thought that he was thinking about what I'd do when I got up, each place I'd go, which cabinet I'd open or which door I'd send the dog out. I was on his mind. That was worth the world to me.

And it reminded me how God always has us on His mind, too. When things seem to go haywire and we think it's all wrong, then we find that He has planned to use whatever it is, and He's placed people or things in our paths to turn the bad into good... well, that's such a precious thought to me.

To realize someone, whether it's God or our loved one, that someone was thinking about us, was anticipating and planning for our every move... *smile* that is so sweet to me.

I am thinking the days of stupid cards are finally over.

Blessings...

hover...

I just read a post by a dear friend of mine. She was talking about how God seemed to be wanting her to "be still" while back here on Earth, her three young boys were running around, the laundry needing doing, dishes needed washing and meals needed cooking. Oh, how I remember those days.

It's so funny now that my children are young adults to look at moms with young children. I always say something like, "Don't blink. They will be grown before you know it." Part of the time, they will look at me like I'm a loon as they are tired and ragged and worn out from trying to keep up and keep it all together.

But seriously, young moms, DON'T BLINK!!! Their childhood will be over all too soon. Mark my words.

So back to Brandi's post, she obeyed the Holy Spirit and did spend some quiet time praying and she shared about all the different people she prayed for.

The list was impressive. Not because it was long or contained 'the' most tragically needy persons, but because it was MASSIVE in its scope.

She mentioned the soldiers who are willingly defending our freedoms, the persecuted who are being targeted or imprisoned for their faith, the orphans, the homeless, the starving...

I don't know about you, but when I start to think about all these people who NEED, some in DESPERATE need, our prayers it makes me feel...

What?

Overwhelmed. I feel like I can't pray for all those people. And if I do, since I don't "know" them personally, that it's not doing much good. Sometimes a particular group comes to mind, for instance abused children... and in my mind, it seems so useless to say, "God, watch over and protect these children." But is it? I KNOW I serve a God Who is well able to do what I just asked, but somehow, to my fleshly mind, it seems so inadequate.

As I'm mulling this over with a new perspective, I wonder if perhaps when I pray such a prayer, maybe there is one certain child out there who needs an intercessor. What do you think? Do you think such 'vague' prayers are "assigned" to people like that?

I dunno where this train of thought is coming from and whether it upsets me more or eases my mind. *hmph!*

I mean, if I sincerely pray for "children" but in actuality there's one child who "gets" the benefit of that prayer... well, is that fair??

*chuckle* I'm disturbing myself now. Good grief!! I have honestly never thought about it that way before.

Guess I need to do some study.

And speaking of study, since I can't seem to write one post on one topic...

I think I've told you about how the hubby and I became community group leaders at church a few months ago, right? Well, after several months, the church offered a "Covenant Marriage" course that we thought would be helpful and since our group is all married couples, we just decided to 'take' the whole group to this 6 week course.

That was a disaster. First of all, the course wasn't quite what we'd thought it was going to be. It was geared more towards couples who didn't have a decades-old marriage. Some people hated it and let us know.. and consequently, never came back to the group!

Others merely didn't like it and didn't attend the class. But they did come back once we went back to our regular meetings.

Now the church is offering a financial study, Navigating Your Finances God's Way from Compass. We were not planning to attend at all. After the last disaster, we just didn't even consider it, even though the two other couples who are core members (they're almost always at group) were planning to attend.

It started this past Sunday night, and we were there in case anyone else showed up expecting to join out group. But no one did, so at the insistence of the other couples, we went into the room where the finance class was being held.

We didn't realize there would be curriculum to purchase, but we paid for the two books and put our names on the list. It seemed as if maybe God had other plans for us in this.

So, we are now doing the homework for this course. We're reading the book Your Money Counts by Howard Dayton. It's a great book. Just reading it without the other book would be a good idea for anyone who's not as good with their money as they ought to be AND who wants to handle their money according to scripture.

Hubby and I are both feeling like it was God's plan for us to be in this class, even though it's planned to be 10 weeks long!! God will work it all out.

I gotta hit the sack now. It's almost 2 am!! Guess this is what I get for going to bed at 8 pm! *shrugs*

Blessings!

yippee!!

YAY!!!! I was up & STAYED up since about 8:30 am today!!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?

I barely can. But yep, I'm up & not necessarily getting a lot accomplished, but hey y'all, just being awake & out of bed at this hour is a huge accomplishment for me when you look at how much I've been sleeping lately.

And, another praise report, the past few days, my blood sugars have been really good! It had got to the point that they were hovering in the 200's almost all the time, or higher after food. Seemed like nothing I did helped. But now they are comfortably residing in the 100's. It was actually 102 this morning when I got up, so thank You, Jesus for that!! :)

I really need to get busy doing something. The house, as you might have guessed, has gone completely to the dogs. And speaking of dogs, my poor Tucker needs a bath in a major way. Actually he and I both need trips to the barber!!

I started noticing my hair coming out in great number almost a year ago. Maybe in mid-spring of last year. I mean, usually anyone with a thyroid condition does loose a bit more hair than most people, but this was even more than "normal" for me. The doctor wanted to know if it was more than 100 hairs.

O.o

Are you kidding me? I don't know, I didn't count! Sheesh! So I scooped up what was left stuck to the drain after I washed my hair, pulled the new "wig" fodder out of my hair brush that I'd been cleaning every day, and stuck them in a baggie. Next doctor visit, I plopped it down on her desk. She was speechless for a second. Hahaha.

Anyhow, so since she's already checked my thyroid & found no problems there (that would cause the hair loss) she looked at my meds. She said the only Rx I had that could possibly be causing this was my blood pressure med, so I was switched to a new one.

And TAH-DAH!! That seemed to do the trick. In a few weeks, I noticed the amount of drain & brush hair was markedly decreased. So in all that time, I didn't go to my stylist because even though the hair was coming out, there was new growth behind it, so I had like a bazillion different hair lengths... some of course, right around my face. At this point, that particularly bothersome patch of hair is about 5 inches long... and all the surrounding hair is more like 12-14 inches long. Oh yay. :\ It looks ridiculous and it's getting harder to hide it.

I really NEED to go get my hair cut. But it takes forever to get in with my favorite gal... and I actually hate getting my hair cut.

Yes, I hate it. Why? I'm not sure unless it's because of all the traumatic experiences I had with salons as a child. My mother was constantly trying to get some curl in my hair, so perms galore, then I guess she just gave up at one point & had me in this what she called "pixie" hair cut. I looked like a boy. A very angry boy.

Gah!

do not be deceived...

I sometimes get caught up in, if you will, the conspiracy "theory" that there are forces at work in the world today that seek to put in effect a "n ew w orld o rder" that will seat on a throne an inherently wicked and evil "one" to be worshiped by the masses of humanity to its (humanity's) utter and final destruction.

Um, okay, yeah... I believe that. Say what you will about it, but Revelation and some En d Tim e theorists have it right. This world will end one day before we know it, and as Scripture indicates, "no man knows" when. (Mark 13:32 & Matthew 24:36)

However, we can use the Holy Bible to interpret events in the world and the many prophecies contained in God's Word, the Holy Bible, to prepare our hearts and minds, or more likely - especially in my case, calm our hearts and minds when we see these things happening around us.

God is not to be mocked and moreover, the Bible states that He "is not", in other words, He's already got this under His control & Authority. No matter how many "men" (meaning: humans) shout disparaging comments or statements about my God or my Savior, Jesus Christ, in the end, God IS NOT MOCKED. (Galatians 6:7) This scripture tells us that when a man (again, meaning human) smears the name of God or Jesus, he is sure to reap the consequences in the end. Don't be fooled just because lightening didn't strike you down that you got by with mocking God.

I'm posting a link to the video I just watched. It's about 2.5 hours long, so be sure you have the time before you start it. If you're like me, you won't want to pause it for anything. This is one of the best videos of its kind that I've seen because it is very factual & full of references and quotations. But also, it does not leave you with all of this "bad news" and come to an end. It offers the one and only solution to the trials to come: Jesus Christ! I had never seen a "documentary" such as this that ever offered the watcher a remedy for all the gloom that comes with an end times study or research.

NWO & demons Explained
I firmly believe that the culture of today is ripe for introduction of the anti-christ. Do I propose to know who he is? No, of course not. But I do see quite clearly that our society is more than ready for him.

If you watch the video I posted, you'll see what I mean. At least this is what I am convinced of. I think today's eager acceptance of things like vampires, zombies and aliens makes us super-sheeple, ready to believe anything or anyone who can do anything that could be considered "super - nat ural". We are bombarded with images, television shows, movies and books about all these things. Take the latest fascination with movies & books like Twilight or the Harry Potter series. There are tons of shows on these days about ghost hunters, ufo abductees and spirit-channeling mediums. And they are largely accepted at face value, as gospel truth.

And I'm not telling you they are not real.

Yep, you read that right. I'm not saying those things are not real. Because I believe they are, however, I do not take it all at face value. I believe these things are so popular and so a part of the culture because the heinous force behind all that is evil is preparing the world to gobble up the things he will present as proof of his "power".

Please don't think I'm proposing that I am an authority of any kind on this topic. I'm not, but at times, I do get very interested as I see things happen around me that clearly pave the way to usher in an evil "kingship". And I fear for those who follow these things, those who see no harm in it, who consider the deception to be fact... in short, I fear for the lost souls who are eating up this culture of the su per- nat u ral.

If you decide to watch the video, we'll chat about it if you want to leave a comment.

things are lookin' up...

Wow! I was up by noon today! Go me! Seriously, if you have been reading here, or paying attention, you know I've been doing some major sleeping lately. Til way up in the afternoon! So to get out of bed for good by noon is a major step for me! Lord willing, just switching the time I take those blood pressure meds.. oh, and using my C-PAP machine will fix this problem.

I may not have gotten up then except the phone kept ringing. A couple of times it was sales calls, which I hang up on. Then it was Mom, checking on me. Then it was my mother-in-law asking if she and my father-in-law could ride with me to an Agape making party (it's an Emmaus thing ;) and then she told me that the blind couple in our community wanted a ride, too. So, okay, yeah, I can do that. We have room in our super-cab pickup for six, so no problem there.

Then about 1 o'clock I got a call from the blind lady asking if I could run them to town, first Walmart then their bank. Seems they'd gotten into some financial strain & needed to transfer some funds before 5 o'clock.

*sigh* I admit it. At first I felt very put upon. But then I prayed for God to take that away and give me a thankfulness that I am able to help them. So, I told her I had to wait because another lady from our Emmaus community was bringing over some craft supplies for tonight, but after she left, I'd be there. That'd be around 2:30.

So the craft supplies lady is a very friendly, jovial woman and she likes to talk. *heh* I found myself looking at the clock and starting to feel irritated. But then I stopped myself and just chatted back with her. And guess what? She probably wasn't here but about 10 minutes or so. And there I was feeling as if she was putting me behind schedule. Thanks, God. :)

I hurried to get my shoes on & gather up my purse & grocery list. Yep, I needed to go to town anyway, so it wasn't really an imposition for me to take this lady with me. I was a little unsure of how much she might slow me down though, since I'd never been grocery shopping with her before.

I felt so bad for them as her mother-in-law, who lives next door & helps take care of this couple, was telling me about the mess they were trying to straighten out. Something about changing when their insurance payments came out and overdrafts and interest... I just felt so bad for her. I know how it feels when something like that happens & it is NO FUN having to ask someone else for help let alone having to tell them why you need the help. :(

So after I was fairly sure both she and I knew what we were supposed to do, we took off. First we did the shopping. They only had three things on their list, but it wasn't hard having her along as I made stops to pick up what I needed. The most annoying part was how people kept stepping in front of us. She was holding onto the cart handle and I had hold of the side or front of the cart, slowing her down or turning her as necessary. Obviously they didn't realize she was blind, but still it was so frustrating! She made a comment about me being "an old pro at this", so I must have done okay comparatively. LOL!

At the checkout, I just positioned her in front of the keypad and let her take care of withdrawing the extra money. I swear, it took less time to do my shopping with her in tow than it usually does for me by myself. Of course, I would have stopped to look at stuff I didn't need if I'd been alone, so she probably saved us a few bucks! LOL! I told her as much, too.

We joked about how she was going to have to find where I'd parked because I'd forgotten. I then took her to their bank, walked her in and let her take care of the deposit there. Then we headed back to her house. I helped carry in the groceries and the little mother-in-law, who is in a wheelchair, just thanked me over & over. I told her it wasn't a problem since I had to go anyway. That seemed to ease her mind a lot.

And now I'm at home, where I discovered that my sugar had gotten a little low, 57... sheesh! And I got all my groceries put away, my low blood sugar treated & sitting here writing this post while I wait for my in-laws to come over so we can ride to pick up the blind couple to go to an Agape making party.

Wow... what a wild & crazy life I lead. And I'm so thankful for it. And SOOOO thankful to be feeling better. God is just good like that.

Blessings~

it's cool being a tool...

A tool of God, that is. That's what my hubby and I had the honor of being this past Sunday. It was snowing and had been during the night, so there was enough snow on the ground to make most churches cancel services. Yes, I know, it doesn't take much and believe me, it wasn't much, but it was enough to get on top of your shoes if you walked through the grass.

Since our truck is not a four-wheel drive, we decided not to take the hilly road we usually do to church. We went around a longer way and were headed down the parkway. I was fooling with my phone and didn't see her, but Tommy suddenly said, "I bet that woman is freezing to death." I looked up but didn't see anyone. Then he slowed down & said, "I wonder where she's going. I should have stopped and picked her up." He asked me if I thought so. I told him it was up to him since I hadn't seen her.

So he turned the truck around and soon I could see her. All humped over with a Army jacket on, jeans and tennis shoes...walking in the field, so I knew her feet had to have been soaked & frozen.

Tommy pulled over, rolled down his window and hollered, "Would you like a ride?" She said yes, she would and she was just going to the little grocery store at the gas station about a 1/4 mile down the parkway. We drove there & Tommy told her if she wasn't going to be too long, we'd just wait and drive her back home if she wanted. She gratefully said okay and jumped out of the truck.

I was struggling with feeling "put upon" and feeling guilty for it. I was supposed to work in child care during the second service and it was looking like we were going to be late for first service, especially if we took this lady home, too.

It wasn't long before she came back out and we were on our way to take her home. It turned out that she lived just off the road we live on, about a mile and a half from us. We were almost out of gas, too and had planned to make a stop for fuel after church but driving the extra distance, we were going to have to stop before going to church and soon, according to the fuel gauge.

Once we got to her house, which turned out to be a rough-looking single-wide trailer that she said had been divided in half, so she was renting half of it. She'd told us that she had just moved in Friday. She said she'd went with "this guy" to pick up some furniture the homeless shelter had given her and on the way back home, they stopped at a liquor store. She told us later that he had gotten violent. She did have a cut lip. She had called the police, so the man was now in jail. As Tommy pulled up, he started asking if she would want to go to church with us, but he never even got the question out before this lady said, "Yes, I would love to go to church with you!"

She insisted on changing clothes, so we turned off the truck while she went inside the trailer. Yes, the fuel was getting that low. While she was changing, I texted the lady at church to tell her I wouldn't be able to work in child care. We didn't think it was a good idea for Tommy to be alone in second service with this lady we'd just met. The woman at church agreed with that and said they'd handle things without me that day.

The sermon and worship music was awesome and perfectly suited for her that morning. She said she loved it and would love to go with us again. We told her it'd be a pleasure to pick her up since she was right on our way anyway.

She called me Monday wanting to know if I had a flat screwdriver and hammer she could borrow. Apparently she'd got a ride to town with someone to get groceries and to take her by the jail. She said the guy who'd beaten her Friday had her key in his pocket when he was arrested and now she was locked out of her trailer because he wouldn't sign the key over to her. At that time, Tommy was gone in the only vehicle we have, so I had no way to drive down there. She said her landlord wasn't home so she couldn't get in.

I didn't know what else to do since I couldn't help her. She apparently must have waited til her landlord was back and got them to let her in.

I called her Tuesday to see if she wanted to go to Celebrate Recovery at our church. She told me she was back at the homeless shelter in the next town over. When her landlord had let her in, she saw the damage done by the guy, apparently she ran into the bathroom to get away from him and he'd torn the door off its hinges. So the landlord had kicked her out.

She seemed to be okay. She told me she was reading the devotional book given to her by our church as a first-time visitor gift. I told her to stay focused on Jesus and to keep me posted with what was going on with her.

I don't know what God meant or us to do for her, Christina, but I hope we didn't fail Him. I'm not sure why she went to the shelter in the neighboring town, instead of the one here. It was amazing though, to watch God work.

First, we never go that way to church. We usually take a much shorter route that would have completely bypassed where Christina was when we passed. Also, she told us she had felt such an urgency to "hurry" and go to the store when she had all day to get there, but she had felt an urge to hurry and thankfully, she gave in to that. Why did we have this encounter with her? I'm not sure, but perhaps we were merely the sowers and someone else will come along and water and someone else then will reap a harvest in her life.

But wow... how cool to be a tool in the hands of such an awesome God!!

digging out...

Wow... it's been SO long since I had a blog with, well, with lots of things. Like regular posts, fancy gadgets, um, readers!

I don't quite know what to do with myself. But I do want to say THANK YOU for the wonderful, encouraging comments. You don't know how much they've done for me. :)

Back on the topic of depression... the last couple of days, I've been able to get up several hours earlier. That's a step in the right direction. I wasn't this specific before, but I have been sleeping like 14-18 hours, y'all. Yeah, HOURS. I just could NOT make myself get out of bed, other than slogging through the room to let Tucker in and out, and a trip to the bathroom, I was sacked out sleeping like a dead woman. Totally zonked and just UNable to make myself wake up.

Of course that meant I was also missing my morning meds, which includes a huge dose of thyroid (duh, the metabolism regulating hormone?!) I was diagnosed with Grave's Disease back in 1999, and since my heart rate was near 190, I was immediately put on beta blockers, had to stop breastfeeding my baby (my second & last child) and was sent to an endocrinologist for further treatment of the Grave's. The nurses there kept telling me how much better I was going to feel once they got this under control. I'd quit feeling SO tired and stop being perpetually "too hot" & sweating ALL the time and I'd have SO much MORE energy.

Yeah. Whatever. It didn't happen like that AT ALL!! The endo decided a radioactive iodine treatment, or I-131, was the best way to go. Sounds creepy, I know and I wish in the worst way that I'd had the wisdom to seek a second opinion back then, I was just SO eager to start feeling better!! I never gave it a thought and forged ahead.

ANYhow... after the I-131 treatment, my thyroid production was not decreased, but it CEASED. I mean, it went from about 5x above normal to almost immeasurable... hovering barely above zero!! I could tell the endo wasn't expecting that & definitely not so suddenly. I was to have a blood draw at my regular doc's instead of driving to Lexington to the edno's office, and the results sent to him two weeks after the treatment. They called & wanted me up there pronto once they got those results & instead of the usual month or more before going on thyroid replacement meds, I was on them in two weeks. And a high dose of them, too.

Even now, if I have to go to a different pharmacy than my usual one (where my sweet cousin is the druggist!) they always question my dosage of thyroid. It's more than double what is considered "normal". *sigh* Yeah, so ... I dunno if the endo over-dosed me with the radioiodine or if my body just really needed more thyroid than most, but anyhow, now I have a very sluggish metabolism and missing my thyroid meds is NOT a good thing. I know that's just added to my lethargy but if I don't take that by noon, I am not supposed to take it. It is affected by dosage timing, so... if I miss that rather large window of opportunity, I just miss out for the day. I know, I KNOW... alarm clock. But see, you act as though you're talking to a practical, functional person... and when I'm this deep in a depression...you're just NOT, okay?

So, yeah, I had been up and sorta going while it was still morning the last few days. I've worked on a project I have coming up for our Emmaus Community. I even went to a reunion group meeting last Thursday. And do you know, I mean THIS is how good God is, there were two ladies there that I hadn't met before. One of them sat right across the table from me. And when I shared that my biggest struggle was & had been this debilitating depression, SHE TOUCHED MY ARM & SAID, "I've been going through the same thing. I know exactly what you're talking about." And she really did, too. We talked a little more about how destructive depression can be and how hard it is to 'make it' make sense to someone who's never experienced it.

See how God looks after me? :) He's awesome like that and I really needed the reminder that He's always there for me.

Today, I got out of the house and ran around Lexington with my hubby and kids. We did not one single solitary thing that could possibly be construed as constructive or productive. But it was good for me. I walked and walked around in the mall with Melissa. I enjoyed good meals with her, Tommy, both my sons and one "adopted" son, a friend of theirs from church. I laughed my head off at their snowball fights in restaurant parking lots and monkey calls in the middle of department stores.

I may not have accomplished a thing, but I feel blessed, and I feel hopeful. And folks, it's been way too long since I felt a glimmer of hope.

Life is good, just like the God Who gives it.

Blessings...

bump, rattle...

That's the sound my thoughts are making as they roll around my head. I've got so many of them up there, you'd think there would be no room. So either that means there's more space in my brain that I thought (of course, meaning my brain is bigger!) or maybe my thoughts are smaller than they seem to me?

*chuckle* It's scary the way my mind works sometimes...

I've been so sick the past few days. The day before Tommy was to leave for camp for the boys' Chrysalis, I felt it coming on. The sore throat, thumping headache.

"But maybe I can fight it off.."

Yeah, whatever. So Tommy going to serve at camp means he's gone for three days. Now there are special services almost each day, so I will normally go down there if we can afford the gas, that is.

We had three boys who were going to be attending the weekend. Boys that we've watched grow up in some cases, through the church. Boys who have taken to calling me Mama & Tommy Dad. So he was thrilled to be able to serve this weekend.

Not only that, but both our sons were also serving down there. One on the music team and one in a support team. So we had two generations serving... but then they needed another person for prayer team and asked Tommy's dad to serve. Wow... three generations serving on this one Chrysalis and there were seven other father-son/s "sets" serving.

What an awesome legacy! And what an amazing weekend it was. The precious testimonies of those boys was such a blessing! I'm excited to see what God's going to accomplish through them.

So I spent the weekend trying to fight off the inevitable bronchitis. I barely slept for coughing and trying to breathe. I made a batch of soup for a family who's father had surgery and went with another lady to take that out to them. That was Friday, the night Tommy left. Then Saturday, I left around 7am to get to the send-off ceremony at camp, taking a bowl of "Dirt Cake" that one of our boys requested. By Saturday night, I was quite a bit sicker & called in to our children's services coordinator at church to say I couldn't serve the next day. Then I got a text from camp saying the cake was all gone & the boys were clamouring for more. I hoped maybe my daughter-in-law could pick up the ingredients and bring to me after church the next day, but she had to take her siblings back home in a neighboring county, which would have made it too late to make the cake.

*sigh* So I dragged myself to the local grocery store, which is always higher so I seldom shop there. I realized once I was at the checkout that my debit card was at home, so I had to run back outside to get my checkbook. As I gathered my bags to leave, I could have sworn I stuck the checkbook in my coat pocket, but as I was struggling to get the door unlocked at home, the phone rang. It was someone from the store saying I'd left the checkbook. *siiiigh*

I dropped the bags inside the house & went straight back to the store, hurried back home to put the 'cake' together, then got in a hot tub to sweat awhile, took some more Alka Seltzer & got dressed to head to special service at camp & of course, deliver the requested food stuffs. ;)

By Monday morning I was feeling horrible.

Since I already had a check-up appointment scheduled for Tuesday, I didn't even try to get in to see the doctor on Monday. I didn't want to spend the day sitting in the waiting room and I didn't want to risk pushing myself/time to get to camp for closing ceremony & picking up of my hubby.

So by the time I made it to the doc's office, it was confirmed that I did indeed have bronchitis and not only that... a double ear infection! Go, me!! Woo!

No wonder I felt horrific all weekend! I seriously don't know how I made it through. But then again... I DO know::

Isaiah 41:10---"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

encouragement...

Almost 2 years ago, my husband & I joined what a lot of people around here refer to as a mega-church. We'd thought it was that ourselves, til we went. We ended up there because 1) we were running late one Sunday morning and 2) we'd watched some of the sermons online and were intrigued & surprised to find that the messages from a church that big were entirely Biblical and doctrinally sound. So, what was a place to go in a pinch became our new church home. It was like God picked us up with two fingers & plopped us down there, just exactly where He wanted us.

We got to know the pastor and many people on staff. We became active in serving in several of the church's many ministries and several months ago, we found ourselves the newly appointed leaders of our Community Group!

I tell people we "accidentally" ended up there, but I know that God doesn't do accidents, or maybe He just makes use of them for His purposes. :)

The former leader wasn't at the first couple of meetings after summer break, which left just us and two other couples who had joined the church around the same time we had. We continued on with the meetings because, well, we enjoy them so much and those two "leaderless" meetings found us with new folks in attendance.

So I sent an email to a couple different staff members asking what was up and letting them know what had been going on. I received back a note saying basically, "Great! We put you and Tommy down as this group's leaders! Thanks for serving!" LOL! My first thought was that the other two "core" couples would think we'd angled for the position and my husband's first thought was, "Oh, no! I can't do that!"

We prayed about it, we talked to the other couples so they knew what had happened...and at last, God gave Tommy a peace about it.

Then last night, He gave us both an encouraging situation to, I feel, let us know we're right where He wants us.

We had one new fella show up. His wife had to work, and so he was on his own, which was fine. We have some "singles" in our group from time to time. The church encourages people to go to several different groups to see where they feel most comfortable.

Our group is amazing. As I said, there are us three couples who make up the core, who all serve in the church's First Touch ministry (greeting, parking, seating, etc... no one feels unwelcome at our church!) and we're pretty much always there when something's going on at the church. All that to say, we're a very chatty group, everyone participates in the discussion. I think that has always made new folks feel at ease to share with us, even though most of the time, they don't come back, for whatever reason... sometimes it's just that they are not consistent.

So anyway, after everyone, and I mean EVERYone.. even the custodian, had left last night, Tommy and I continued to talk with this gentleman. He'd opened up about his biggest sin-struggle and shared that it had caused hurt in this, his second marriage. We also found out that he had attended our former church, so we had that in common, along with having close friends who still attend there.

But we continued to talk, and he continued to open up about his life. We encouraged each other. He's working to redeem himself in his wife's eyes. That's a hard thing to tell ANYone, but he felt comfortable telling us. We stood outside the church, huddled under an overhang because it was raining and talked for almost an hour.

It was a real blessing to us.

What was?-- you might ask. Being an encouragement to someone, having someone feel comfortable enough to confide in us, to ask us to pray for them. It was a great blessing. And it was more confirmation that we're where God wants us.

That's what we want more than anything. To be exactly where God wants us. Sometimes that's hard to determine so it's just beautiful when God gives you a sign that you're on the right path. :)

Do we feel at a loss sometimes? You bet we do!! Do we feel we haven't or can't do what we need to or be what we need to be? Yes! Being where God wants you doesn't make you perfect. It just makes you feel safe... even when the sky seems to be falling around you.

He's awesome that way.

God bless you big time!!

long time, no post...

Ah, yes. I'm back. My life got a little hectic during the holidays. I'm sure yours wasn't though, right? Mmhmm.. I didn't think so.

Our family had a beautiful Christmas, even though this was one of the tightest financial times of our lives. None of the family really had the extra money to do our usual week at the cabin, and we are just out of the habit of trying to buy everyone gifts... besides the fact that we just flat had no money to do that with.

*sigh* Yeah, it's a little depressing, but God kept us busy & we didn't focus on what we didn't have.

So, let me tell you what we did have...

We had two non-family get-togethers at our house. One was for my ladies group of Emmaus chicks. It's the local group of women who have all been on the Walk to Emmaus. Normally we meet each Thursday at a restaurant, or occasionally at a church or someone's home if we're making agape gifts for a walk. But with us getting the finishing touches on the house, both Tommy & I wanted to host some parties at our home. So I had about 25 people here in the middle of December. We played an ornament exchange game, had tons of food & good fellowship. It was so awesome & I was so blessed to have everyone here.

The very next night, we hosted our church's community group here. Unfortunately, three of the couples couldn't come, but of the three couples we had here, I think we all had a great time. We've grown really close to some of these people, and I guess, as our group has grown & there are basically just three of us couples who have been here all along, those other two couples were so good to us when I was injured & not able to get around back in the summer... I just wanted to do something for them. So for this gathering, I didn't ask anyone to bring food. Tommy & I did all the cooking. It turned out great.

I used quite a few recipes I'd found on Pinterest, and they were a hit. I did a lot of cooking for my Emmaus group too, but did ask for the ladies to bring something to share because I was afraid of not having enough. Man! We had a TON of food!!

During all of this, Tommy & I had been working with the First Touch group at church. This is the group that includes the ushers, parking lot guys and the greeters who are stationed not only at the doors, but all through the outer area before you get to the auditorium. I love doing this except for one thing... it means we miss out on the first of the worship service. But still, I love it. I get to see people that I normally don't, which means a lot in a church as big as ours. The last Sunday we worked, I got to see two people I'd gone to high school with that I hadn't seen in ages!!

So God kept us very busy with those things and with doing the Advent devotionals we did corporately with our church. That helped a lot and I'm so thankful that we stuck with it this year. We kinda failed big time last year!

We did spend about $50 on very small gifts for our kids & parents & I'd bought a couple of things earlier in the year for my sister & her husband, so we weren't completely empty handed, which is what I HATE, especially with my parents because my mom always buys such nice things for everyone.

She & dad gave us all some money as well, which was really REALLY nice and put both Tommy and me on eBay looking for things we wanted.

For him it was all kinds of light-weight backpacking equipment for the trip he and our boys are planning for later this year. For me? Well, I have wanted to get some Thirty-One bags for eons. I even thought about hosting a party, but I HATE doing those buy-something deals. I don't go to them because I can't afford to buy stuff, so I figure most people are likely in the same situation. I also wanted to find a really good leather purse. Well, I went over my Christmas-cash budget, but thankfully I have Bill Me Later & could go ahead and get not one, but but SEVERAL of EACH of these wish-list items!!

God's so good, isn't He?? :)

I got one Dooney & Bourke all leather drawstring bag in excellent condition for several hundred dollars less than it would have cost new. I got one of those huge 31 Weekender totes, brand-new in the package AND in that new purple paisley pattern I love! Not only that, but I saved over $30 off retail. I dunno why someone wasn't pleased with this as a gift, but I am thrilled with my purchase! I also got a barely-used All In One Organizing totes to hold all the things we need to keep in the truck. It's in a nice discontinued pattern with the snowy pine trees? I wiped a couple of smudged out of the inside & it looks like new. Saved a TON on it, too. Then I found another 31 Large Utility tote in the brown dot pattern. And I unexpectedly won another Dooney & Bourke bag that should be here any day. It's almost like new too and I only gave $30-something for it. It's all leather & looks great.

Now my problem will be being seen with the aforementioned 31 bags by the ladies I know who are 31 reps. *sigh* I'm thinking about posting a status on facebook explaining what I've done. I mean, c'mon, how can anyone fault me for buying these things used &/or for WAY less than retail? Hopefully, no one, but we'll see. *sigh* I can't let that worry me right now.

Well, I think that's it for me for right now. I'm going to try to upload some pix of the stuff we've got finished around the house. I absolutely LOVE my new green walls in the family room. It's got such a warm cozy feel now and the redo of the mantle is just awesome! Hang tight... I'll get some pix up ASAP!!

hugs~

lows, migraines & a stroke?

So, last Friday morning, my poor daughter-in-law, Melissa, got word that her grandmother had finally passed away after a long, hard battle with cancer. She called me around 7am, but I didn't know it.

I must have answered the phone, I remember looking at it and seeing that it was Mel, but then all I remember is not knowing what to do with the phone. *sigh* My sugar was low. Thank God she called because lately, Tommy's been leaving me asleep when he goes to work!!

He tried to get me to talk to him, but I don't remember any of that. He said I was not able to communicate so he checked my sugar, which was 58. That's not very low, not low enough to affect my speech at least.

He brought me some grape juice, which I promptly drank down. I don't remember too much then til the next time he checked my sugar. I don't know if I went back to sleep or what, but the kids, Corey and Melissa, were there by this time. My sugar was up to 118, but I still couldn't put my words together and at this point, I KNEW it too.

My head was killing me at this point. The left side around my eye was just pounding and it didn't seem to ease up no matter what I did. I apparently kept complaining about it or rubbing it because someone brought me an ice pack. That helped a little but then it would get too cold and I'd have to take it off.

By the time I could understand and realize what was going on, Tommy & the kids were discussing what to do with me. *weeps* I hate when I am incapacitated like that. Feels like I'm such a failure, even if I know there's nothing I can do about it, I just feel like such a heavy burden to my family. :(

Anyhow, I was able to speak a little by now although I had to think a little harder to put my sentences together. I was really scared. And yes, they all thought I was having a stroke. They said the right side of my face was a little droopy, but I couldn't tell that it was.

I started to get up and get some clothes on to head to the hospital. I was still feeling very weak, but could talk a little better all the time. We'd about decided not to go by the time I had my shoes on, but then suddenly, I got sick & ran Corey over on my way to the bathroom to throw up.

Weird.

We went to the ER, of course. By the time I was there, my sugar was around 200. I had a horrific migraine but the sick feeling was gone and I could speak okay for the most part. It still was taking a little extra effort to choose my words, but nothing like the difficulty I'd had before.

We ended up being in the ER for about 3 hours, having blood work and a urine test and a CT scan to check for stroke.

Everything came back normal. The migraine was still as bad as ever, though. They'd given me some pathetic "migraine cocktail" that included acetaminophen, ibuprofen, benedryl and caffeine. They gave me that within about 45 minutes of my arrival and it did NOTHING for the pain. I was in tears for a good hour or so the pain was so bad.

The ER doctor asked if I took migraine meds and I told him no. I hadn't had one in a few years. So he asked what I'd taken before that worked and I told him Lortab. He, of course, didn't want to give me that. I told him I'd tried Maxalt, Midrin and Axert with no results, but the Lortab allowed me to rest and sometimes sleep off the migraine. He finally agreed to give me a dose there, but sent me home with naprosen (what a joke!) and a zithro pack for what he thought might be a sinus infection.

What a waste!! Thank God, though, the pain started easing about 30 minutes after the Lortab & by the time I got home, it was almost gone.

I still have no clue what happened to me. It was SO scary. It's been a long time since I've been unable to communicate like that, and then it was always with a much lower blood sugar than 58. I'm just thankful God brought me through it and hope & pray that I learned whatever it was He wanted to teach me.

I feel horrible knowing that Melissa was in tears when she called me and I wasn't able to comfort her. You just can't imagine how awful that feels unless you've been there.

And I hope you never are.

fix your eyes upon Jesus...

I don't recall right now exactly how much I've posted here about our move almost a year ago from a very traditional church to the one we now attend. I remember it was hard. All our children and my parents went there too. Still go there, matter of fact. My dad's a deacon there.

But we felt a distinct urging to leave. So we did. And it wasn't very pretty. Dad didn't really speak to me for almost a month. It was a rough time. However, things are good now. Dad slowly realized we had not "forsaken" our Christianity or whatever. We hadn't even left "our" denomination. Just traded in what to us was discouraging church for one that was so alive and totally focused on Jesus and people.

So anyway, now we have some friends who are going through the same thing. They've been coming to our church for a few weeks and not their families, but their church is responding in such an ugly way!! It breaks my heart to see my friends going through this. From being hung up on by the pastor to having someone come by their house and taking the church van without so much as a by-your-leave.

How sad to see a church, of all people, reacting this way. Don't they see it's not about them?? Can't they realize that sometimes God calls us to other places and other duties?

*sigh*

So, in other news, Tommy's been gone since Friday morning. He is serving on a REC (Residents Encounter Christ - an Emmaus style weekend for those who are incarcerated) at a prison. I'm so anxious to see him this evening and hear how it all went.

I have been asked to serve on the next Women's Walk at the camp in a few weeks. I wanted to let the lay director know that while I was back up and walking, I wasn't nearly at 100% with my foot and needed to be put somewhere I wouldn't be on them so much.

Then I found out I had been assigned to the kitchen! Egads! I couldn't believe it since I had emailed to let her know, and THEN at the first organizational meeting, she gets up and says that she'd had to turn people away from helping and she'd prayed about where to put people. I felt HORRIBLE for saying anything about not wanting to serve in the kitchen because of my foot. But... *sigh*... I did.

While the skin graft has taken and the foot is healing well, it's still extremely tender. I've accidentally touched it with one of those foot sanding blocks and it bled like crazy. I can't imagine having my feet swell up like they usually do if I'm on them for extended periods. I just didn't want to risk that. So, I spoke with the LD and she ended up telling me she didn't really have another spot for me, but maybe I could tag-team with someone else on the prayer team "or something".

*siiigh* I really hate feeling like someone's having to make a job for me to do. Hate feeling like I'm not pulling my weight. Hate feeling awkwardly out of place...

Once I got home, I emailed the LD, telling her I really appreciated her calling me and I hated that I could not serve where she needed me, but if she had folks who'd volunteered but she'd had to turn down, that I'd be thrilled if she would allow them to serve in my place. I said that I didn't want her having to create something for me to do when she had people who were willing and able to serve. I told her she would not hurt my feelings one bit if she did that and that I hoped to work with her sometime in the future.

I didn't think anything of it when I got no reply since I hadn't the first time either & knowing she's so busy! I figured I'd just go to the next meeting if I hadn't heard from her and see what she had to say then. But then I got a phone call.

It was the LD saying she really appreciated my email, appreciated that I was willing to step down and give my spot to someone else. She said most people wouldn't have done that and she appreciated the offer. ...but she didn't want to accept it. She said she needed people with a heart for service (aw!) and a willing spirit and there always ended up being a job with no worker and she wanted me on her team.

Wow. If that wasn't a confirmation for me to be on this walk, I don't know what is!! I seriously never had any of those thoughts about myself. I'm a pretty selfish person, matter of fact. And I do hate feeling as if I'm being a drain on a team if I can't do what's needed of me. I feel like such a louse for ever saying, "Well, I DO have diabetes, so I might have a problem doing this or that" so I usually don't say it. I mean, do you realize how lame that sounds when you say it out loud? I DO usually tell people because it sounds much lamer when you're in the middle of a low blood sugar and you can't even talk properly or you don't realize you're having a low til you're in the middle of some important task. Then of course, you can't finish said task OR tell anyone why.

*sigh* Have I mentioned that diabetes kinda sucks? Oh... well, never mind then.

Anyway, I love being able to serve on these walks, but I feel so inadequate in so many ways. Spiritually, physically.... I'm just thankful God doesn't call the equipped but He equips the called.

Hallelujah!

2012: Summer of The Yucky Foot

So... I've been pretty lax with the blog stuff, eh? Okay, okay... I've just flat ignored the thing. Sor-ree! I don't have the aptitude I used to for keeping up with a blog. I don't have the brain cells to create a cohesive post on a regular basis, so...*sigh*

But I am hoping to get started back with it now. At least that's what I want at this point in time. ;)

Alright, so there's been a lot going on in my life for the past few months. On June 14, I decided I was sick of looking at our neglected lawn. It was neglected because my poor hubby works too much & he can mow the entire lawn while I can only do the less-angular parts with our John Deere 316 hydrostatic tranny riding mower. He has rebuilt the thing almost entirely & it keeps our almost-2-acres looking spiffy...when we use it, that is! ;) So, I wanted to help my over-worked husband, okay?

I made one pass around my "usual" area of yard, then headed back out near the garden area and behind our shop. There's a very steep hill right behind the shop that I normally leave for Tommy. I can't even watch him mow it, it's that scary. It doesn't LOOK all that intimidating...until you're up there looking down. I've tried going up it before but the mower tipped backward, so I knew better than to do that. *ha*

I went along the top edge of the highest part that borders the property next to ours, a cemetery, okay? It's a cemetery. Yeah, yeah, yeah... at least the neighbors don't bother us! LOL! At the corner, I decided, "Hmm, I think I can go down this.." and off I went. And off the mower took. I decided to try the brakes, something I basically never use...and they really didn't work. I tried slamming the tranny into reverse to slow it down. Not the best idea I ever had...it slid a bit sideways...and started to tip a little.

I decided I did NOT want that mower on top of me & started weighing the idea of bailing. I thought for sure I could jump far enough & roll fast enough to clear the deck, but...*sigh* Alas. I didn't make it.

As soon as I was upright, sitting on my butt in the field watching the mower go around the corner of the shop (still don't know exactly how it did that) I knew the deck had gone over my foot.

I glanced down, saw the blood & panic started in. I saw my tennis shoe laying about 10 yards away from me, up the hill. I didn't look very close at my injured left foot, because I did't want to really know how bad it was til back up was there. I knew I needed to staunch the bleeding if I could, so I bent both knees up, the right leg on the ground, & sat my left heel down on the side of my right shoe/foot.

Then I called my hubby at work. I tried to stay calm, all the while during the ringing repeating, "God, please help me. Please be with me." Doing my best to sound chillaxed, I told hubby I'd fallen off the mower. "Are you cut?" Yes, I told him. "Are you bleeding?" Yep, I said. Then all I heard was "Hey, I gotta go." as he tore outta the office & headed home.

Okaaay, so then I went back to praying & realized I really didn't wanna be by myself, so I called down to my kids' house & asked my daughter-in-law if either of my sons were home from work yet. She said Corey, her husband, was. Apparently, I said, "Okay, tell him I fell off the lawn mower." and hung up.

Hmph. ;) Soon, I saw him coming up through the back yard, heard the mower shut off & then yell at DIL to grab some towels from inside the house.

Love her heart, she came running around the corner of the shop w/about six big bath towels, all white (LOL.. that's mostly what I have, it just struck me at the time how white they were!) She told me later she didn't know how bad it was, so she got plenty of towels!

Corey had some bottled water, which he splashed on my foot so he could look at it. About that time, Tommy showed up and my dad also pulled up in his ATV. Tommy ran back to get our truck & pull it to where I was. Dad, in a panic, proceeded to try to lift me himself with me asking him what in the world he was doing... but he & Tommy got me in the truck & he sped off toward the hospital.

*phew!* Just retelling this has worn me out, but I want to detail it here, so I'm gonna take a break.

Stay tuned for the rest of the Yucky Foot saga!! lOL!

For Part 2, go here.

thankful...

Y'know, my family in general is pretty dysfunctional. Of course, most of us feel that way, I realize.

My family's dysfunction is mainly just bickering. And not always "actual" disagreement or backbiting. It's kinda the way we communicate. My husband was so put off by this the first few times he encountered it, and then it took a long time before he ever gave voice to it. It just really bothered him to hear my parents pick at each other the way they do. Even though they've never really 'fought' the way you think of most couples fighting.

So today's Thanksgiving. How many, MANY things we have to be thankful for! In spite of the health issues my sister and I both have, and Mom's more recent dwindling health, we are all pretty healthy. For having had seizures since she was three, my sister does very well. For having had diabetes for going on 40 years now, I am in quite good health when compared to a lot of other people in the same situation. My mother's dwindling health is most likely from her pushing herself so hard for so many years and the fact that she's getting older now.

My eldest, Corey, and his wife, married going on four years now, are doing so well. They love each other more than ever, if that's even possible. *smile* Our youngest, Casey, had a serious accident on our four-wheeler about 2 weeks ago and now, unbelievably, is almost healed! He could have been hurt SO much worse than he was or killed given that the vehicle rolled over on his face and head. But God's been with him and with us every. step. of the. way.

SO much to be thankful for.

And today, it seemed that even though during the time I was at Mom and Dad's this morning, making the dumplings, and they were at each other same as always... by dinner time, there was a different attitude between them and there was none of the usual bickering.

God's good, people. God is so extremely good.

Hope you've all had a wonderful Thanksgiving as well.

God bless you!
G~

Wow! Just.... WOW!!

So... it's been awhile, huh Blog? Well, I'm sorry. You know how it is.. life gets crazy, my mood gets down & I don't feel like writing anything. But maybe that's all over.


Sunday evening, two days ago, I got back from my Walk to Emmaus. It was an amazing, wonderful experience that every Christian should have. The instruction is so clear, the love almost palpable, the kinship so precious, the worship so alive... I have made some of the dearest friends who I can't wait to get to know even better because, even in such a short time, I love them so much! And the super thing is?? They love me too. :)

Yesterday was my first "4th Day" and I failed to get my Bible reading and prayers in. :( I was so disappointed in myself. This morning, I was determined to do it, and boy, does God ever bless our efforts in this!! I decided that I would make it as solemn and 'special' as I could, so I have the candle that my sweet hubby bought for me the other day.. for no reason at all. It is one of those glade candles that smell SO good... you should get one because it can help set the 'mood' if you will, for digging into The Word and talking to God. I also got myself a nice new notebook, a good pen, some highlighters, my Bible of course, and yeah, the reading glasses. :)

I used my worship booklet from The Walk and read the prayer in the front out loud. I also used the prayer for the Holy Spirit in the back because it really does help you call on Jesus for support and fulfillment in your studies. The amazing thing is that after praying, I just blindly opened my Bible and found Proverbs 12 waiting on me.

Seriously! Was that not THE PERFECT chapter for me today!! From verse one, it was smacking me right between the eyes... "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid." then in very 3 No one is established by wickedness, but the root of the righteous will never be moved." ..verse 4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones."

It just went on and on, with the themes I needed so desperately to "hear". Thank You, Lord Jesus!! :)

You know, last night Tommy called his cousin Liz. She'd called me during my Walk, and I hadn't called her back. When Tommy got on FB, she popped up a chat box, so he called her. He filled her in on all the details with Casey's four-wheeler accident, telling him how wonderfully he'd healed and how God was there every. step. of. the. way. And his eyes teared up and his voice cracked as he just bragged on Jesus in a way I'd never EVER seen him do before.

What a blessing!! And what an answer to a long-time (though on-again/off-again) prayer that he would become a more Godly husband and the true spiritual leader of our family. PRAISE GOD!!

So the Walk to Emmaus... what is it, you may be asking.. I can't tell you. *hee hee* Seriously. Not because I don't want to or am not supposed to, but it's something that you can't explain. Words don't describe how wonderful it is. You have to experience it for yourself and if you haven't been, you should and if you ever get the opportunity to go? Do NOT let anything keep you from it. It's truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience you should not miss. Check out the link, find out how to start your own journey to joy in the Lord!!

Blessings,
G~

hmm... dunno what I think of this...

... but I'm determined to find out if this could possibly be ANYthing of God:

I don't think I agree with the idea that God would subject anyone to hell, but then there was the rich man who went to hell, then asked that Lazarus, a beggar who'd died and gone to heaven, be allowed to give him a drop of water and go tell his family not to come there. (Luke 16:19-31) But Lazarus didn't GO INTO hell, he just was able to look into it. AND Lazarus was already dead himself, so I'm just not sure I believe this fella. Jesus told us in His Word that He'll never leave or forsake us... and I guess this man wasn't "left" in hell. Hmm... see? I can't make up my mind whether I think this is true or not.

Gotta keep reading & studying on this one. Not that it matters whether or not this man is telling the truth, but it does make me wonder if God would truly do something like this and does this line up with what the Bible says of God?

Wanna discuss it?

Blessings,
G~