the hard things

Sometimes it's REALLY hard to do the things you need to or should do. Like for instance we have recently left the church we've belonged to for over 14 years. And this isn't the first time we've left there.

The first time was when Corey, our eldest, was about to graduate over into the "teen group" at church. The fella in charge of the teens at that time was a divorcee with small children. He was nice enough, but I had problems with the fact that they let him mentor the teenagers, besides the fact that they'd let him preach too. (See I Timothy 3:2 for the reasons why this is wrong) But beyond that, I knew because Tommy and I were game leaders and had interaction with all of the kids, that there had to be some problems with what the teens were being taught from the behavior we saw out of them. One girl had come up to Tommy and done this stretchy sort of "dance" in front of him! On several other occasions we heard two or three of the girls talking about another in a pointedly loud way so that she could hear. And none of what they said was nice.

Of course, all that stuff could be attributed to how they were being raised, so even though we weren't comfortable with the man, we hadn't decided to leave then. However, when I came out after youth classes one night and found one of the teen girls on this "preacher's" back, arms and legs wrapped around him?? Well, THAT was the deciding factor. We took it to two different deacons and prayed. When the deacons took it to the pastor, he blew it off, so we promptly left.

What followed was about two years of going to just about every baptist church in our county and several in other counties, a short stint in one church where we were taken advantage of and used and then another horrible few months where the church almost broke up our marriage. Yes, you read that right. Maybe I'll go into that sometime but I don't feel up to it right now. I'll just give you these: legalistic, judgmental, false doctrine.

So anyhow, we ended up going back to this church after all that turmoil and the divorced preacher was no longer there, but we never knew for sure if he left on his own or was finally put out. But anyhow, we've been back there for almost 10 years I guess, and things are still just "not right". And it's hard to leave because having a church home is like having a regular home! It's where you know people that care about you, help you with your problems, where you feel comfortable and can best worship and serve the Lord. But when there's something just "wrong" in the leadership, it makes the church "sick". When there are favored "cliques" in the church, when the preaching is no longer solely or consistently to honor God, but sometimes turns into a rant or some private tongue lashing for certain members... then the Lord is anything but glorified or honored.

Part of what we love about the church is that the old hymns are sung there. And we used to really love the preaching. Granted, I know the pastor is getting older and that probably has a little to do with the changes in his preaching, but the other, behind-the-scenes things we see out of him and his wife have nothing to do with age.

You see, Corey was kind of trained in how to run the media for the church... do the directing and editing for the services to be aired on tv. He loves that kind of stuff and has brought the program a long way from what it had been after the not-exactly-assistant pastor left. (long story, but they never called him as assistant pastor, but that's the capacity he worked in most of the time, other than he was given no authority. They really did treat him pretty bad once he announced that he was leaving, though) So now Corey is doing the entire media thing himself. The pastor, I guess, thought he'd keep Corey from asking for more money or equipment ?? but a man who had worked with the media at another church started coming and pastor asked him to sit in a see what Corey was doing. The man told him he was doing the work of about five people and he wouldn't touch it with a 10-foot pole!! Yeah... and for over three years now, my son has sat in a room directing church services. He hasn't participated in a worship service in all that time. The only time he and his wife have been able to attend church together is when they took off and went somewhere else. There's one other lady that used to work with that stuff back when there was MUCH less of it, and she fills in for him once in awhile when he has to be gone. But she can't edit and it's a lot more work for him to have to edit what she directs... Anyway, my big problem with all this is that not once has the leadership ever thought that maybe, just maybe Corey and the other KIDS who run the cameras might want to actually sit in a service instead of having to work through it. Trust me, it's not as simple as you'd think and it is in NO WAY the same as being there. There is NO WAY one can "get" what they need from a sermon when they're running a camera or directing. To my mind, you can correct me if I'm wrong, but seems that the leadership should be concerned enough about these people's spiritual needs enough to make sure there is somehow they can at least occasionally get fed. But they don't, they haven't and I can't see that changing any time soon.

And so we've left this very much old-fashioned church steeped in tradition and very set in the old ways. Not that we have ONE SINGLE THING against that. We don't and matter of fact, that's the reason we loved the church to begin with... it wasn't trying to be all modern and contemporary. But somewhere along the line the keeping with tradition has turned into more like being critically judgmental of anyone who isn't doing what pastor and the elect think they should. It's not quite as overt as that sounds, but the fact remains that this is exactly what's going on there.

I didn't plan for this to be about "what's wrong" with the church, but more about the huge difference and big change we've made. So, this new church? Well, it's grown from a church that's been around for quite a long while. They got a young pastor and suddenly the started just bursting at the seams... literally! They abandoned the original church house and started holding services in the convention center in town and finally built a new facility. But it's about as non-traditional and modern as you can get! However, it's not like most churches attempt this. I'll see if I can explain.

Most of the time when you find a church that's trying to be more contemporary, they're mainly trying to attract people. They will start doing different music, which none of the older people like usually. They'll come up with snazzy-sounding names for jazzed up programs for young people and they'll try to seem less "churchy". They totally lose focus of what the real issue is, and that's reaching the community for Jesus.

Somehow, this new church has totally reworked itself without seeming like "that kind" of church. They don't have a traditional altar with a pulpit. It's a stage, actually, with two huge screens on either side that show what the media ministry is recording. The pastor sits on a stool beside a small table. He has all his scripture projected onto a smaller screen that is rolled in beside him. His points are also put there. And recently, he's begun putting his sermon notes and scriptures on YouVersion so that you can use your phone or iPad to take notes and such. The music is anything but traditional. It's straight out of the Christian Pop/Rock genre, complete with drums, several electric guitars and keyboards. There are colored lights that sometimes move around and occasionally, they will use smoke, too. It's set up just like a concert. O.o There are no pews. Just rows of seats and the "auditorium" is quite dark during the song portion and only slightly lit during the sermon.

It is THE TOTAL OPPOSITE of the church we belong to. Do we like all these things? Not completely, no. I miss singing in the choir, I miss the traditional hymns. I miss Sunday School (the new church has two morning services and then "community groups", which is like SS, in the evening). But I DON'T miss leaving church feeling worse than when I came in and that's what's been happening at our old church.

The leadership, from the top down, has become very prideful, as best I can tell. There's no real love for people, no real concern for their needs. There are literally over 100 kids who regularly come to the youth program mid-week. There's no real budget for providing for the needs of that program. The man put in charge seems to be just the first one they could get to say yes, and he is the most ill-equipped man to deal with a bunch of rowdy, mostly-ADD-type kids. He has zero patience, by his actions and his own admission, and no love for those kids. Nobody wants to take responsibility for anything or take credit for it all, accordingly. It's just ridiculous and we just didn't feel like we could continue to support the situation.

Is this the church we want to permanently move to? I don't think so, but maybe. Right now, we're dealing with my parents, who also belong to the same church as us, feeling as if we've jumped ship. As if we've lost our minds and gone "radical", like we've abandoned the Bible or something. It hurts, especially when they don't know everything. We've been contacted by all of one person from church. A good friend of Tommy's and a deacon. He seemed maybe a little betrayed. At least that's how he came across. Other people on facebook have asked if we're okay, about three people, I think. Out of a congregation of over 300?

*sigh* It's just been a rough month. I just want to do what's pleasing to the Lord. I don't want to make a decision that's out of His will for us, or to hurt anyone's feelings, but something had to happen. We'd been hurting and worrying and being dissatisfied with how people were being treated. We had to make a change. Lord willing we'll have a clear answer as to what we're to do.

a little scary...

It really IS scary when I think about how similar this whole ear infection thing is to when I developed SJS in '94. Y'see, I went back to have them rechecked on Friday and the infection isn't gone. So doc put me on another antibiotic and to NOT stop taking the first one, that had two days left to go. I think I was on antibiotic #4 when I went into shock and then into the ER and eventually spent the 2 weeks in the hospital with SJS. So I'm praying that this will cure it because there aren't a whole lot of other options for me, ya know? Gah! And I STILL haven't got my flu shot so I'm trying to steer clear of anyone who has symptoms if I can.

One thing IS better though... well, sort of... my sugars are staying in a better range now. The down side of that is that I've been having a lot of lows and that is NOT good. Seems like either they're just getting harder on me or my sugar had been running too high for long enough to make the lows "hit me" harder. They sure have been doing a number on me. Saturday I just KEPT staying low til that evening when it went over 400! GAH! That makes me SO MAD!!! >:( I hate when it does that.

But oh well... I just wanted to let you know how the check up went.

Blessings,
G~

so howsit goin'?

Just a little update... I think maybe, just MAYBE, the yeast infection is improving! Thank God!! It's about time!! I've probably been dealing with this for close to a month! Sheesh!

Took another Diflucan last night & hopefully, that'll be the last one I'll need. I fixed soup beans, greens and cornbread last night. Needless to say, Tommy was thrilled. I foundered on greens again, but I think my system is getting used to it because it's not throwing my intestines into a frenzy anymore. LOL!! I may seize up like a snake swallowing an oil drum once the supply of greens flitters out. Oh I hope not!! *gasp!*

I'm going to attempt to paint the new windows today. It's GOT to be easier than painting them after they're installed. If EVER I have an opportunity to purchase windows again, they will NOT have ANY portion that has to be painted!! Not EVER! I've had to paint these stupid things way too many times & it's a mess! I will also never have window grids that are not on the inside of the window. I detest cleaning around those things! Argh!

So... *ahem* ... got that outta my system. *heh* I just got strangled on some crackers & have about coughed my brains out. Ever since I took that first blood pressure medicine back umpteen (more like 15, I guess) years ago that, after taking it 7 years gave me this awful cough, any time I get strangled I about choke to death! I'll be hacking every now & again for the rest of the day, probably. *sigh* So, I haven't got anything painted. I have GOT to get my groove back and get back into painting mode!!

Til next time... God bless!
G~

try this...

hmm... dunno what I think of this...

... but I'm determined to find out if this could possibly be ANYthing of God:

I don't think I agree with the idea that God would subject anyone to hell, but then there was the rich man who went to hell, then asked that Lazarus, a beggar who'd died and gone to heaven, be allowed to give him a drop of water and go tell his family not to come there. (Luke 16:19-31) But Lazarus didn't GO INTO hell, he just was able to look into it. AND Lazarus was already dead himself, so I'm just not sure I believe this fella. Jesus told us in His Word that He'll never leave or forsake us... and I guess this man wasn't "left" in hell. Hmm... see? I can't make up my mind whether I think this is true or not.

Gotta keep reading & studying on this one. Not that it matters whether or not this man is telling the truth, but it does make me wonder if God would truly do something like this and does this line up with what the Bible says of God?

Wanna discuss it?

Blessings,
G~

miscellaneous & sundry...

... just to forewarn you that this post has no discernible direction as yet. ;) Just wanted to update you, you being me, because best I can tell, not a soul has looked at this blog. *shrugs* And that's okay. As much as I'd love some interaction, some comments, some VIEW numbers besides my own (LOL!) I'm content to just ease back into a sorta journaling with a blog again. It's amazing how rusty I am after years of NOT keeping up a blog! ANYhow... for the update...

I been sick. *cough cough* No, really. I have. I finally got sick of waiting for this awful yeast infection to go away. I'm not talking "internal" here, y'all, lest you get all uncomfortable & squirmy. ;) As bad as that kind is, this is outside, right where my legs attach to my *whispering* groin.... Awful, bumpy, stinging, itchy rash. ARGH! I thought it was probably from my sugars going up and down since I'd been painting & stuff. Any time I do something like that, especially after being a spud for so long, my sugars will drop, then I'll end up bouncing it too high. The lows I've had lately have been in the 30's, and they've been the panicky, sweaty, shaky kind that I don't realize are coming on til, *BAM*, there it is, full on hypoglycemia! So when I have a low like that, I always get ravenous afterward and the panicky part makes me overreact and "over correct", which then bounces me up too high. Too-high sugars can trigger a yeast infection, since yeast loves sugar & all. *sigh*

I had been using Nystatin cream, which should have cleared it up, but it didn't. Plus I had had that awful, hacking asthma-cough thing I get occasionally. It had hung on, coming in spells, for about 2 weeks. I finally broke down & went to the doctor.

Besides, it's time I get my flu shot AND I needed to have him write me a prescription for brand name Wellbutrin. Long story there, maybe in another post... So he asks if I've had a fever, sore throat, etc... nope. Just the cough & my albuterol inhaler wasn't helping at all. He asked if my ears were hurting. Nope. Just the cough, okay?! Then he looks in my ears and in that strange Indian way he has of making faces and comments says, "Odd." Well, I KNEW that wasn't good. He says, "I can't believe your ears aren't hurting."..*trails off* Um... uhkay. WHY? "Because you have a bad infection in both of them." Hmph! Who knew? I told him it was probably because I'd had a constant headache for several weeks and couldn't feel the ear pain because of that. Ha.

So, that was probably why I had the yeast infection because infection can jack up my sugars, which then feeds the yeast, et cetera, et cetera... No wonder I've been feeling like crap! But instead of giving me Diflucan, which is what I normally take when I have a mega-yeast infection that doesn't respond to OTC remedies, he gave me a powder form of the Nystatin saying that way the yeast doesn't also have moisture to thrive in. Urgh. I didn't know this is what he'd done til I got to the pharmacy since he sent the prescriptions via computer and I didn't get to look at them. Otherwise I'd have asked for the Diflucan right then. Any time I take antibiotics, I end up with a yeast infection, too, so starting out with one just wasn't good.

But I waited. That was last Friday, so I tried the powder all weekend, not really seeing any signs of improvement. Needless to say, Monday, I called and asked for the Diflucan. He ordered me seven of them. (Normal dose is one and for "normal" people, that usually wipes the infection out.) ... (of course, you realize by now, *I* am decidedly NOT normal..)

I got the stuff yesterday, have now taken three doses and have yet to see any improvement. I should have called him back Friday for the Diflucan, but by the time he was done with my appointment, the office was already closed. GAH!

And so, I've never had the first bit of pain in my ears, either. Which I find extremely weird, although when I had the SJS in 1994 it started with an ear infection, fiddling around for a couple weeks with about 4 antibiotics trying to cure it and then I had the reaction. *sigh*

So anyhow, I go back for a recheck day after tomorrow. Lord willing, that'll all be better and I can go ahead & get my flu shot over with.

I'm still not done with the small bedroom. Matter of fact, I haven't even touched it since I went to the doctor last week! I think I may go in there and get back to painting that trim. I wish Tommy would go ahead and take the carpet out so that I can get to the very bottom of the trim. He's talking about doing wood flooring in there, since he got so much practice doing it at his friend's house. I don't want to have to sand & repaint because there are carpet marks all over the trim! NOTE TO SELF: MAKE Tommy take the carpet up tonight! *heh*

Alrighty, I need to get busy, so take care & God bless!!

G~

bleh...

I hate it when I get like this. *sigh*

How is "this"? Well, it's a totally overwhelmed, anti-focus, hurts-to-think-about-all-the-stuff-I-need-to-get-done kinda thing. And of course, I would get a bad case of it when my house is in utter chaos.

I was working on sanding some of the holes Tommy had patched up in the little bedroom yesterday, and getting started on painting the trim in there when Mom called. She had been really sick all day with that whatever-it-is she gets that keeps her running to the bathroom all day til she basically has nothing of substance in her body. ANYway...my aunt had called to tell her she had a bunch of greens for us. Of course, Mom didn't want any in her condition and she didn't feel like driving out to pick them up either. So I stopped what I was doing, cleaned up a bit and drove out there.

Sis (that's what we've always called my mom's oldest sister) had a black garbage bag FULL of the most huge 'greens' I'd ever seen! I came home, divvied some out for my sister to take & set about the washing process and heating up a huge pot of water to parboil them in. Needless to say, I didn't get back to my painting, but boy, those green WERE really delicious.

I think I must have eaten more than I should have because today, my intestines are not so happy. Still, it was worth it. I could LIVE on greens if they weren't so much trouble AND if they didn't cause me so much intestinal distress. *urgh*

Woke up today with a major sinus headache to add to my lower-body chaos, so I haven't got anything done except brewing up a pot of coffee and catching up with my peeps online. *sigh* Besides, I won't be doing much in the bedroom today anyhow... I HAVE to do laundry. The guys are fishing socks out of the laundry basket piled up on the couch and this morning, I had to dig to find what was probably the last clean pair of underwear Tommy has. *sheesh!* So... it's laundry today... and the family room is SUCH a mess, I hate to take the stuff in there to fold & sort.... Maybe I'll make up the bed, which is always semi-piled at the footboard. What a mess! And with the holidays approaching, as they ALWAYS are anytime we try to do any "gussy-ing" up of the house, I'm getting frantic.... but then again, I'm kinda too tired to be TOO frantic, ya know?

I'm supposed to go with some friends from high school to Lexington to see an Etta Mae show Friday. I've never seen her in person, but two of the girls who live in Lexington now go see her often. They say she's even funnier in person. A couple of London gals are driving up there, so I'm going to ride with them if I go.

Part of the time I'm all like, "YAY! What a fun thing to do! Yesss!" then other times I'm like, "Nah. I don't feel like it and what's the use of going anyway.." Ick. I hate when I feel that way. I probably NEED to go. I SHOULD go, seeing as Tommy has gone on numerous fun-with-buddies things over the years. Eh... I dunno. We'll see what happens, I guess.

Okie doke, I gotta get busy on this laundry.

Blessings...

G~

Lost...unfortunately, not in Hawaii...

Okay, so the title makes no sense unless you're a "Lostie" like me and love all the scenery in that no-longer-running TV series. My life doesn't make a lotta sense right now either. I'm just sorta "lost" in all the chaos, I guess!!

We're remodeling, people. And everything is in total disarray! I HATE it when things are like this! Not that it wasn't bad before because I'd let two rooms in my house get COMPLETELY out of hand... Corey's old bedroom had become a pile of STUFF. Tommy's aunt had come down for a couple weeks and decided to get in there and "organize" for me, bless her heart. She can work circles around me, but after she had been in there, I couldn't find a daggone thing!! Argh! Add to that the way people would just toss stuff in there, or tell me, "Put it in the back room & I'll take it up to the attic later." Yeah, whatever! *sigh*

And the living room?? Oh. My. Goo'niss!! It was a gom, too, only not quite to the extent of the bedroom. I'd originally started using it as a sort of 'craft room', but that soon got overwhelmed by piles. My arch enemy, Piles. I hate 'em, but my life can sometimes revolve around them, too. I use Piles to organize sometimes... sort of. *shrugs* There was my big computer desk that fell out of use after getting my laptop a couple years ago. There was the small computer desk that we'd bought after Tommy brought home an old junky computer from work and trying desperately to use it. There were the two bookcases full of miscellaneous books...reference books, Bible study books, readers the kids had used or planned to, some textbooks that had never found a new home after homeschooling was over. *sigh* Then there was the tall 4-drawer file cabinet that holds a TON of recipes printed from the internet, various "office" type supplies, a drawer full of information from an almost-business Tommy had for awhile and the drawer with all my insulin pump supplies.

I do have to say that after over a week of hauling stuff... almost everything... out to the shop to be sorted, and lots of cleaning, painting, cleaning, touch up, cleaning... the living room is once again a living room!! Mom gave me her "formal" living room furniture. A nice cherry set of Queen Ann style stuff and it now looks so nice. I've never had a full room of furniture that all went together! :D

See?



After moving the furniture around a bazillion times, we finally got it to fit and look decent, though we had to send the sofa/hall table back to Mom's because there was simply no room for it. *sigh* She wanted to use it anyway, so it's all good. I'm really thrilled with it. Just gotta get some decor going on and it'll be perfect! :)
Now we've moved on to Corey's old room. We moved the big computer desk and file cabinet in there because, well the file cabinet has my medical stuff in it and the desk has our current files in it, so... and we're keeping them in the house anyway... just had to get them out of the family room! I wish I'd taken a picture of how stuffed it was, but that was just totally terrifying! But here's where we are now:



We're replacing three windows since the seal is broken and there's constant condensation in them... resulting in messes like THIS! GROSS!! That black spot is actually a hole that's rotted away! This room had a lot of mold in it, too. GASP!!! o.O
So today, I'm gonna work on painting all the trim and hopefully get around to cutting in the wall. I can't wait to see how the soft mossy green color looks. Really, this was the most uniquely decorated room in the house at one time. I SO wish I'd taken a pic of it before we demolished the beautiful border. It had lots of blue, both for sky (the color of the top of walls) and a darker blue trimmed top & bottom with primitive 'gold' stars. The motif was a New England sea side village, but in a more primitive style... not at all "polished" looking, but a bit more blocky. It was adorable, but not childish, ya know? Anyhow, I was thrilled with the way it turned out & even after it was dingy and there were MANY "boo boos" in the walls from years of a boy growing up in it, Corey didn't want me to paint it when I offered about five years ago. *sigh* So... we'll see.

I'm not sure yet if I want to use this as my craft room/office or as the spare bedroom. Mom has a twin bed with a chest she is giving me, but we'd rather have a full sized bed for guests.

Mom's first reaction to this was to ask when we'd ever had any guests.

Well, for her information *hands on hips* we DID have a couple of Tommy's cousins stay here back when his grandma died. The boys bunked together in Corey's room and we gave them Casey's full sized bed for the night.

And besides, once we "get Casey outta here" *deep shuddering breath* and all this painting done, we just might have us a guest or two! Hmph!

Anyhow, we're unsure of how this room will be used just yet, but either way, the walls will be fixed and it'll have a fresh coat of paint, top to bottom! We're going to try to see how well the carpet will clean, but if it doesn't clean up enough, we'll replace the flooring, too.

So, that's what I've been up to. We still have three more rooms to tackle. The family room is getting a major overhaul, and the kitchen is getting new paint because, well, it just needs it, plus when they were putting on the roof for the new porch, they damaged the wall board, so might as well paint, right!? *rolls eyes* Then, finally, when Casey gets moved out, we'll redo his room, carpet and all.

I can't wait for all this stuff to be done so we can enjoy all the work we've put in this year. Hopefully, the recovery time won't be awful... we've both done a number on our backs and stuff. We are definitely getting TOO OLD for this stuff!!

Hang tight... more pix to come! :):

Blessings,

G~