judgmental...

of or denoting an attitude in which judgments about other people's conduct are made

1. Of, relating to, or dependent on judgment: a judgmental error.
2. Inclined to make judgments, especially moral or personal ones: a marriage counselor who tries not to be judgmental.

Don't we all know them? Judgmental people. And, for the most part, don't we all despise that quality? I know I do.

Did you know the word judgment is used 235 times in the ESV (English Standard Version) and 408 times in the KJV (King James Version)? The word judge is used 226 times in the ESV and 286 times in the KJV. The word judgmental is used zero times in either of those versions of the Bible. Maybe that's because man sort of created that word AND its meaning.

Our pastor has been doing a series of sermons he calls "Things People Hate About Christians". LOL! How do ya like that? It's been an awesome series. This is something I really appreciate about our pastor... he takes on topics that, if you grew up in a traditional Protestant church, you always wondered about but either you knew not to ask, or you did ask and wasn't given a real answer. He comes from a "religious" background: grew up in a Baptist church, his dad was a deacon, his family was always at every church service & always active in church activities. That's basically me. And it's also a lot of other people, or at least close to it.

So he tackled these issues and it's SO refreshing to hear honest answers, even if they're not comfortable to hear. For instance, one of the sermons in this series was Hypocrisy. Oooh, that stung, didn't it? He also talked about Judgmental attitudes.

Ouch. He didn't just brow-beat us about being judgmental, but he showed us that judging things, and yes, even people (by their actions (fruit) was Biblical, however, he pointed out very eloquently & logically how we should not judge "outsiders", those who are not part of the Body of Christ, in the same way we judge "our own", the "insiders", the Christians.

It's unfair to judge people who make no claims to follow Jesus in the same way we judge (or ascertain their spiritual health by what we see in their lives) people who claim to know Jesus and have made Him the Master of their lives. And when you boil it down, that IS where a lot of churches today have it seriously wrong.

For instance, I read from a local man how the preacher at his church had basically run off a couple who'd started coming there, telling them that because they were living together outside of marriage, they were not welcome.

*mouth gapes open, eyes wide* How's that for agape love? Sheesh!

Now, I am willing to admit that a few years ago, that would have been my sentiment. Yes, I grew up with the mindset that everyone knows the Bible, knows they are living in sin, and should know enough to "clean themselves up" before coming to church.

But where in the Bible does it say this or even HINT that anyone can or should try to "clean themselves" before approaching God??? Doesn't scripture teach the exact opposite of this? Don't our very hymns say, Just as I am, without one plea...??? And What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus...???

How can we get them to Jesus if we ban them from the church because they're not "living right" or whatever?? Good grief!! I've seen this happen over and over in my life. Matter of fact, in one very legalistic (judgmental) church we found ourselves in many years ago, our family was a victim of this kind of thinking. Only they were judging us, supposed "insiders", according to some additional pastor-created rules that were entirely unBiblical. Thank God we got out of there. That was one of the worst times in my life as these people literally tried to drive a wedge between my husband and myself over their self-righteous man-made rules.

*puke*

I know of at least two other families, very "high up" in this church who came out of it with broken families and deep emotional, spiritual scars. How very sad. I'm so thankful we didn't end up that way. But let me tell you, it was not easy and it was not without the Hand of God moving in our lives.

I get annoyed when someone wants to start a "debate" about Christianity and first thing they do is throw out the "Who are you to judge me?" argument. These people are in serious denial and/or have been victims of some "salt-bombing" (I'll explain that one later) harsh, misguided Christian who told them all about the many rules they were breaking as if they (the victim) should know better.

2 Chronicles 19:5-6 tells us about Solomon appointing judges in the land to decide disputes among the people. And in these particular scriptures, he's telling them to be wise because they are not working for men, but for the Lord. Oh, if our judges today took their jobs as seriously as these men probably did!

I always feel the need to point out that the Bible does NOT tell us as Christians that we are not to judge. How else are we to know what is right or wrong if we don't use our God-given minds to judge between the two? It does, however, tell us

In 2 Corinthians 13:5-6, Paul tells us to "test ourselves", and I believe that means not only our own personal self, but also those who are "like us", ie: saved by grace, a professing Christian:

Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test! I hope you will find out that we have not failed the test.

God is the Ultimate Judge of the whole world. Psalm 9:7-9 tells us

"But the Lord sits enthroned forever;
he has established his throne for justice,
and he judges the world with righteousness;
he judges the peoples with uprightness.
The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble."

And Ezekiel 24:14 tells us

"I am the Lord. I have spoken; it shall come to pass; I will do it. I will not go back; I will not spare; I will not relent; according to your ways and your deeds you will be judged, declares the Lord God.”

That should make us take very seriously the way we live our lives, the way we treat others, how generous we are with the needy, how kind we are to the hurting...

We need to realize that our behavior affects our influence with those who are watching. Never think no one is watching you. There's ALWAYS someone watching us. Either to see if we'll succeed or to see if we'll fail. It doesn't matter if we rise or fall, they will be watching how we react to everything that happens in our lives. React with the knowledge that Jesus is in control, no matter what happens. And please, remember we as Christians are here to bring people to Christ and we can't do that if we are repelling people by being judgmental.

Blessings!

anticipation...

Every time I read that word, I hear the song in my head & remember the ketchup commercial from the 70's! But this post isn't about ketchup. It's about anticipation *ahem* or rather expectations and what can happen when we anticipate that our expectations will be met.. then they aren't.

I don't have to tell you, that leads to disappointment more often than not. I started thinking about this after reading another post about this very thing in relation to holidays, specifically Valentine's Day.

Boy, do I have some things to say about Valentine's Day.

I dated my husband for almost 2 years before we got married. I was still in high school since he graduated the year before me. During my senior year, Tommy was working all the time, first as a pizza delivery guy, then with a concrete contractor. I have to say, I never dated or tried to date the "rich" boys. All my (few!) boyfriends were just regular joes, from middle-class families.

So, Tommy was delivering pizzas when Valentine's day rolled around my senior year. I hadn't gotten anything delivered while at school, which was the "in thing" to do... y'know, so EVERYONE could see what your boyfriend got you. Yeah. I was a little disappointed, but we had a date for that night, so I still had high hopes.

Well, Tommy was late. About 45 minutes late, so I was already a little upset with him. As he walked through the door of my parents' house I was ready to grill him about where he'd been when he tossed a card toward me, then a small pink teddy bear and said, "I got a ticket because I stopped to get that stupid card."

I'll allow you a few minutes to pick your jaw up off the floor.

:::::::

Yeah, that's what he said. Seems he saw he was running late, so instead of parking in a space, he pulled up in front of the drugstore, ran in & did his shopping for me, his beloved. Um... yeah, he waited til the last minute.

That was STRIKE ONE.

Then he was late. Really late.

That was STRIKE TWO.

Then he called the card stupid. In front of my dad! Who, by the way, just stood mid-stride with his obligatory bowl of popcorn, grinning about the whole scene.

That's STRIKE THREE. And he's outta here!

Oh. My. Goodness!!

We didn't really fight, but then again, that wasn't the first traffic-related ticket he'd gotten since we'd been together either. But that's a whole 'nother story...

And so, yes, I married him about 6 months later ANYWAY. And when Valentine's Day rolled around again, he came home with a card. First thing outta my mouth was, "Is this another stupid card?"

Heh. Yeah... so the "stupid card" comes up every year. But not always in a mean or hateful way. These days, it comes up as a laugh. Once Tommy was chatting with a young husband who was for some reason telling Tommy the ways he "impressed" his then-girlfriend/now-wife with flowers, slipping in a fake one with the live bouquet & writing on the card, "I'll love you longer than the blossoms on these flowers." and such as that.

So, Tommy told him our Valentine's Day saga and he still razzes Tommy about it to this day. If he sees me, he ALWAYS asks if I got a stupid card.

Anyhow, so this Valentine's day, as with most days in our lives, we were running extremely tight with our finances. I was not expecting to get anything. I was busy doing up all the laundry because in a few days, I'd be leaving to go serve at an Emmaus weekend.

I never noticed Tommy slip anything into the house, but the next morning when I got up, he presented me with a pot of tulips. He knows I love flowers, but hate how they fade so quickly. These I can plant outside & enjoy for years to come. Then, after he'd gone to work I found a pink post-it note on the mirror in our bathroom with "Happy V Day!" which made me laugh because more than likely, he put "V" because he was almost late for work. That or he was afraid of spelling it wrong. ;) Then I found another pink note with the same message on the coffee maker. Another one on a mug in the cabinet. Another one on the fridge. I expected to find one on the bottle of creamer but didn't. LOL! Then I found another on the back door where I let Tucker in and out (all day long!)

I was so touched by this simple gesture. I can say that this was the sweetest Valentine's Day ever. And people, we've been married for twenty-seven years!! ;) But just the thought that he was thinking about what I'd do when I got up, each place I'd go, which cabinet I'd open or which door I'd send the dog out. I was on his mind. That was worth the world to me.

And it reminded me how God always has us on His mind, too. When things seem to go haywire and we think it's all wrong, then we find that He has planned to use whatever it is, and He's placed people or things in our paths to turn the bad into good... well, that's such a precious thought to me.

To realize someone, whether it's God or our loved one, that someone was thinking about us, was anticipating and planning for our every move... *smile* that is so sweet to me.

I am thinking the days of stupid cards are finally over.

Blessings...

hover...

I just read a post by a dear friend of mine. She was talking about how God seemed to be wanting her to "be still" while back here on Earth, her three young boys were running around, the laundry needing doing, dishes needed washing and meals needed cooking. Oh, how I remember those days.

It's so funny now that my children are young adults to look at moms with young children. I always say something like, "Don't blink. They will be grown before you know it." Part of the time, they will look at me like I'm a loon as they are tired and ragged and worn out from trying to keep up and keep it all together.

But seriously, young moms, DON'T BLINK!!! Their childhood will be over all too soon. Mark my words.

So back to Brandi's post, she obeyed the Holy Spirit and did spend some quiet time praying and she shared about all the different people she prayed for.

The list was impressive. Not because it was long or contained 'the' most tragically needy persons, but because it was MASSIVE in its scope.

She mentioned the soldiers who are willingly defending our freedoms, the persecuted who are being targeted or imprisoned for their faith, the orphans, the homeless, the starving...

I don't know about you, but when I start to think about all these people who NEED, some in DESPERATE need, our prayers it makes me feel...

What?

Overwhelmed. I feel like I can't pray for all those people. And if I do, since I don't "know" them personally, that it's not doing much good. Sometimes a particular group comes to mind, for instance abused children... and in my mind, it seems so useless to say, "God, watch over and protect these children." But is it? I KNOW I serve a God Who is well able to do what I just asked, but somehow, to my fleshly mind, it seems so inadequate.

As I'm mulling this over with a new perspective, I wonder if perhaps when I pray such a prayer, maybe there is one certain child out there who needs an intercessor. What do you think? Do you think such 'vague' prayers are "assigned" to people like that?

I dunno where this train of thought is coming from and whether it upsets me more or eases my mind. *hmph!*

I mean, if I sincerely pray for "children" but in actuality there's one child who "gets" the benefit of that prayer... well, is that fair??

*chuckle* I'm disturbing myself now. Good grief!! I have honestly never thought about it that way before.

Guess I need to do some study.

And speaking of study, since I can't seem to write one post on one topic...

I think I've told you about how the hubby and I became community group leaders at church a few months ago, right? Well, after several months, the church offered a "Covenant Marriage" course that we thought would be helpful and since our group is all married couples, we just decided to 'take' the whole group to this 6 week course.

That was a disaster. First of all, the course wasn't quite what we'd thought it was going to be. It was geared more towards couples who didn't have a decades-old marriage. Some people hated it and let us know.. and consequently, never came back to the group!

Others merely didn't like it and didn't attend the class. But they did come back once we went back to our regular meetings.

Now the church is offering a financial study, Navigating Your Finances God's Way from Compass. We were not planning to attend at all. After the last disaster, we just didn't even consider it, even though the two other couples who are core members (they're almost always at group) were planning to attend.

It started this past Sunday night, and we were there in case anyone else showed up expecting to join out group. But no one did, so at the insistence of the other couples, we went into the room where the finance class was being held.

We didn't realize there would be curriculum to purchase, but we paid for the two books and put our names on the list. It seemed as if maybe God had other plans for us in this.

So, we are now doing the homework for this course. We're reading the book Your Money Counts by Howard Dayton. It's a great book. Just reading it without the other book would be a good idea for anyone who's not as good with their money as they ought to be AND who wants to handle their money according to scripture.

Hubby and I are both feeling like it was God's plan for us to be in this class, even though it's planned to be 10 weeks long!! God will work it all out.

I gotta hit the sack now. It's almost 2 am!! Guess this is what I get for going to bed at 8 pm! *shrugs*

Blessings!

yippee!!

YAY!!!! I was up & STAYED up since about 8:30 am today!!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?

I barely can. But yep, I'm up & not necessarily getting a lot accomplished, but hey y'all, just being awake & out of bed at this hour is a huge accomplishment for me when you look at how much I've been sleeping lately.

And, another praise report, the past few days, my blood sugars have been really good! It had got to the point that they were hovering in the 200's almost all the time, or higher after food. Seemed like nothing I did helped. But now they are comfortably residing in the 100's. It was actually 102 this morning when I got up, so thank You, Jesus for that!! :)

I really need to get busy doing something. The house, as you might have guessed, has gone completely to the dogs. And speaking of dogs, my poor Tucker needs a bath in a major way. Actually he and I both need trips to the barber!!

I started noticing my hair coming out in great number almost a year ago. Maybe in mid-spring of last year. I mean, usually anyone with a thyroid condition does loose a bit more hair than most people, but this was even more than "normal" for me. The doctor wanted to know if it was more than 100 hairs.

O.o

Are you kidding me? I don't know, I didn't count! Sheesh! So I scooped up what was left stuck to the drain after I washed my hair, pulled the new "wig" fodder out of my hair brush that I'd been cleaning every day, and stuck them in a baggie. Next doctor visit, I plopped it down on her desk. She was speechless for a second. Hahaha.

Anyhow, so since she's already checked my thyroid & found no problems there (that would cause the hair loss) she looked at my meds. She said the only Rx I had that could possibly be causing this was my blood pressure med, so I was switched to a new one.

And TAH-DAH!! That seemed to do the trick. In a few weeks, I noticed the amount of drain & brush hair was markedly decreased. So in all that time, I didn't go to my stylist because even though the hair was coming out, there was new growth behind it, so I had like a bazillion different hair lengths... some of course, right around my face. At this point, that particularly bothersome patch of hair is about 5 inches long... and all the surrounding hair is more like 12-14 inches long. Oh yay. :\ It looks ridiculous and it's getting harder to hide it.

I really NEED to go get my hair cut. But it takes forever to get in with my favorite gal... and I actually hate getting my hair cut.

Yes, I hate it. Why? I'm not sure unless it's because of all the traumatic experiences I had with salons as a child. My mother was constantly trying to get some curl in my hair, so perms galore, then I guess she just gave up at one point & had me in this what she called "pixie" hair cut. I looked like a boy. A very angry boy.

Gah!

do not be deceived...

I sometimes get caught up in, if you will, the conspiracy "theory" that there are forces at work in the world today that seek to put in effect a "n ew w orld o rder" that will seat on a throne an inherently wicked and evil "one" to be worshiped by the masses of humanity to its (humanity's) utter and final destruction.

Um, okay, yeah... I believe that. Say what you will about it, but Revelation and some En d Tim e theorists have it right. This world will end one day before we know it, and as Scripture indicates, "no man knows" when. (Mark 13:32 & Matthew 24:36)

However, we can use the Holy Bible to interpret events in the world and the many prophecies contained in God's Word, the Holy Bible, to prepare our hearts and minds, or more likely - especially in my case, calm our hearts and minds when we see these things happening around us.

God is not to be mocked and moreover, the Bible states that He "is not", in other words, He's already got this under His control & Authority. No matter how many "men" (meaning: humans) shout disparaging comments or statements about my God or my Savior, Jesus Christ, in the end, God IS NOT MOCKED. (Galatians 6:7) This scripture tells us that when a man (again, meaning human) smears the name of God or Jesus, he is sure to reap the consequences in the end. Don't be fooled just because lightening didn't strike you down that you got by with mocking God.

I'm posting a link to the video I just watched. It's about 2.5 hours long, so be sure you have the time before you start it. If you're like me, you won't want to pause it for anything. This is one of the best videos of its kind that I've seen because it is very factual & full of references and quotations. But also, it does not leave you with all of this "bad news" and come to an end. It offers the one and only solution to the trials to come: Jesus Christ! I had never seen a "documentary" such as this that ever offered the watcher a remedy for all the gloom that comes with an end times study or research.

NWO & demons Explained
I firmly believe that the culture of today is ripe for introduction of the anti-christ. Do I propose to know who he is? No, of course not. But I do see quite clearly that our society is more than ready for him.

If you watch the video I posted, you'll see what I mean. At least this is what I am convinced of. I think today's eager acceptance of things like vampires, zombies and aliens makes us super-sheeple, ready to believe anything or anyone who can do anything that could be considered "super - nat ural". We are bombarded with images, television shows, movies and books about all these things. Take the latest fascination with movies & books like Twilight or the Harry Potter series. There are tons of shows on these days about ghost hunters, ufo abductees and spirit-channeling mediums. And they are largely accepted at face value, as gospel truth.

And I'm not telling you they are not real.

Yep, you read that right. I'm not saying those things are not real. Because I believe they are, however, I do not take it all at face value. I believe these things are so popular and so a part of the culture because the heinous force behind all that is evil is preparing the world to gobble up the things he will present as proof of his "power".

Please don't think I'm proposing that I am an authority of any kind on this topic. I'm not, but at times, I do get very interested as I see things happen around me that clearly pave the way to usher in an evil "kingship". And I fear for those who follow these things, those who see no harm in it, who consider the deception to be fact... in short, I fear for the lost souls who are eating up this culture of the su per- nat u ral.

If you decide to watch the video, we'll chat about it if you want to leave a comment.

aw, crap!

I guess I might have overdone it yesterday. At least I hope that's what it is. I have been exhausted today. Completely wiped out! *sigh* I guess I got my hopes up a little bit too soon. And that's not a new thing to me. My poor mother, love her heart, has always griped at me for "doing too much". She could never understand why I insisted that when I felt good, I HAD to do as much as possible. Which in years past, involved doing all sorts of stuff for my boys during our homeschooling years.

I never understood how she, the woman who, to this day, will run herself ragged doing for others, couldn't see why I felt it was my duty to do all I could for my boys. She is of the opinion that my health issues should take presedence. I know she is concerned because I am, after all, still "her baby", her firstborn. But she has trouble I guess seeing me as a mom too. Funny how that is, even when her only grandchildren, my two sons, and my daughter-in-law (!) are grown and on their own now... I'm still her little girl. My mommy is so funny that way. And I love her for it, but it sometimes makes me crazy. *heh*

So now my boys are grown and I'm not the homeschool mommy anymore and I don't often have to put myself out very much. I like to be involved in our church and of course in our Emmaus community. That's really my whole life besides my family. With my daughter-in-law working now, and all of the kids working so much with the teens at their church, we don't get together with them as much these days.

Anyhow, seems I maybe overdid it yesterday & now I'm drooping a bit. But the hubs & I have a leadership workshop at church in the morning and we're suppose to help set up, so I need to have my big ol' butt in the bed because 7 am comes early... a whole heckuva lot earlier than noon, right?

God bless!!

things are lookin' up...

Wow! I was up by noon today! Go me! Seriously, if you have been reading here, or paying attention, you know I've been doing some major sleeping lately. Til way up in the afternoon! So to get out of bed for good by noon is a major step for me! Lord willing, just switching the time I take those blood pressure meds.. oh, and using my C-PAP machine will fix this problem.

I may not have gotten up then except the phone kept ringing. A couple of times it was sales calls, which I hang up on. Then it was Mom, checking on me. Then it was my mother-in-law asking if she and my father-in-law could ride with me to an Agape making party (it's an Emmaus thing ;) and then she told me that the blind couple in our community wanted a ride, too. So, okay, yeah, I can do that. We have room in our super-cab pickup for six, so no problem there.

Then about 1 o'clock I got a call from the blind lady asking if I could run them to town, first Walmart then their bank. Seems they'd gotten into some financial strain & needed to transfer some funds before 5 o'clock.

*sigh* I admit it. At first I felt very put upon. But then I prayed for God to take that away and give me a thankfulness that I am able to help them. So, I told her I had to wait because another lady from our Emmaus community was bringing over some craft supplies for tonight, but after she left, I'd be there. That'd be around 2:30.

So the craft supplies lady is a very friendly, jovial woman and she likes to talk. *heh* I found myself looking at the clock and starting to feel irritated. But then I stopped myself and just chatted back with her. And guess what? She probably wasn't here but about 10 minutes or so. And there I was feeling as if she was putting me behind schedule. Thanks, God. :)

I hurried to get my shoes on & gather up my purse & grocery list. Yep, I needed to go to town anyway, so it wasn't really an imposition for me to take this lady with me. I was a little unsure of how much she might slow me down though, since I'd never been grocery shopping with her before.

I felt so bad for them as her mother-in-law, who lives next door & helps take care of this couple, was telling me about the mess they were trying to straighten out. Something about changing when their insurance payments came out and overdrafts and interest... I just felt so bad for her. I know how it feels when something like that happens & it is NO FUN having to ask someone else for help let alone having to tell them why you need the help. :(

So after I was fairly sure both she and I knew what we were supposed to do, we took off. First we did the shopping. They only had three things on their list, but it wasn't hard having her along as I made stops to pick up what I needed. The most annoying part was how people kept stepping in front of us. She was holding onto the cart handle and I had hold of the side or front of the cart, slowing her down or turning her as necessary. Obviously they didn't realize she was blind, but still it was so frustrating! She made a comment about me being "an old pro at this", so I must have done okay comparatively. LOL!

At the checkout, I just positioned her in front of the keypad and let her take care of withdrawing the extra money. I swear, it took less time to do my shopping with her in tow than it usually does for me by myself. Of course, I would have stopped to look at stuff I didn't need if I'd been alone, so she probably saved us a few bucks! LOL! I told her as much, too.

We joked about how she was going to have to find where I'd parked because I'd forgotten. I then took her to their bank, walked her in and let her take care of the deposit there. Then we headed back to her house. I helped carry in the groceries and the little mother-in-law, who is in a wheelchair, just thanked me over & over. I told her it wasn't a problem since I had to go anyway. That seemed to ease her mind a lot.

And now I'm at home, where I discovered that my sugar had gotten a little low, 57... sheesh! And I got all my groceries put away, my low blood sugar treated & sitting here writing this post while I wait for my in-laws to come over so we can ride to pick up the blind couple to go to an Agape making party.

Wow... what a wild & crazy life I lead. And I'm so thankful for it. And SOOOO thankful to be feeling better. God is just good like that.

Blessings~

it's cool being a tool...

A tool of God, that is. That's what my hubby and I had the honor of being this past Sunday. It was snowing and had been during the night, so there was enough snow on the ground to make most churches cancel services. Yes, I know, it doesn't take much and believe me, it wasn't much, but it was enough to get on top of your shoes if you walked through the grass.

Since our truck is not a four-wheel drive, we decided not to take the hilly road we usually do to church. We went around a longer way and were headed down the parkway. I was fooling with my phone and didn't see her, but Tommy suddenly said, "I bet that woman is freezing to death." I looked up but didn't see anyone. Then he slowed down & said, "I wonder where she's going. I should have stopped and picked her up." He asked me if I thought so. I told him it was up to him since I hadn't seen her.

So he turned the truck around and soon I could see her. All humped over with a Army jacket on, jeans and tennis shoes...walking in the field, so I knew her feet had to have been soaked & frozen.

Tommy pulled over, rolled down his window and hollered, "Would you like a ride?" She said yes, she would and she was just going to the little grocery store at the gas station about a 1/4 mile down the parkway. We drove there & Tommy told her if she wasn't going to be too long, we'd just wait and drive her back home if she wanted. She gratefully said okay and jumped out of the truck.

I was struggling with feeling "put upon" and feeling guilty for it. I was supposed to work in child care during the second service and it was looking like we were going to be late for first service, especially if we took this lady home, too.

It wasn't long before she came back out and we were on our way to take her home. It turned out that she lived just off the road we live on, about a mile and a half from us. We were almost out of gas, too and had planned to make a stop for fuel after church but driving the extra distance, we were going to have to stop before going to church and soon, according to the fuel gauge.

Once we got to her house, which turned out to be a rough-looking single-wide trailer that she said had been divided in half, so she was renting half of it. She'd told us that she had just moved in Friday. She said she'd went with "this guy" to pick up some furniture the homeless shelter had given her and on the way back home, they stopped at a liquor store. She told us later that he had gotten violent. She did have a cut lip. She had called the police, so the man was now in jail. As Tommy pulled up, he started asking if she would want to go to church with us, but he never even got the question out before this lady said, "Yes, I would love to go to church with you!"

She insisted on changing clothes, so we turned off the truck while she went inside the trailer. Yes, the fuel was getting that low. While she was changing, I texted the lady at church to tell her I wouldn't be able to work in child care. We didn't think it was a good idea for Tommy to be alone in second service with this lady we'd just met. The woman at church agreed with that and said they'd handle things without me that day.

The sermon and worship music was awesome and perfectly suited for her that morning. She said she loved it and would love to go with us again. We told her it'd be a pleasure to pick her up since she was right on our way anyway.

She called me Monday wanting to know if I had a flat screwdriver and hammer she could borrow. Apparently she'd got a ride to town with someone to get groceries and to take her by the jail. She said the guy who'd beaten her Friday had her key in his pocket when he was arrested and now she was locked out of her trailer because he wouldn't sign the key over to her. At that time, Tommy was gone in the only vehicle we have, so I had no way to drive down there. She said her landlord wasn't home so she couldn't get in.

I didn't know what else to do since I couldn't help her. She apparently must have waited til her landlord was back and got them to let her in.

I called her Tuesday to see if she wanted to go to Celebrate Recovery at our church. She told me she was back at the homeless shelter in the next town over. When her landlord had let her in, she saw the damage done by the guy, apparently she ran into the bathroom to get away from him and he'd torn the door off its hinges. So the landlord had kicked her out.

She seemed to be okay. She told me she was reading the devotional book given to her by our church as a first-time visitor gift. I told her to stay focused on Jesus and to keep me posted with what was going on with her.

I don't know what God meant or us to do for her, Christina, but I hope we didn't fail Him. I'm not sure why she went to the shelter in the neighboring town, instead of the one here. It was amazing though, to watch God work.

First, we never go that way to church. We usually take a much shorter route that would have completely bypassed where Christina was when we passed. Also, she told us she had felt such an urgency to "hurry" and go to the store when she had all day to get there, but she had felt an urge to hurry and thankfully, she gave in to that. Why did we have this encounter with her? I'm not sure, but perhaps we were merely the sowers and someone else will come along and water and someone else then will reap a harvest in her life.

But wow... how cool to be a tool in the hands of such an awesome God!!

oversleeped...

So, yeah, I'm still dealing with this crazy fatigue/exhaustion/whatever. I mean, c'mon, when you sleep til 4pm, SOMEthing is just WRONG!!

I went back to the doctor yesterday for a post-antibiotics check-up. She said my ears look fine & I'm no longer wheezing, which was all great. Thank God! I really love my doc. She's actually a Physician Assistant, but she's just so down to earth I can tell her anything. The dude-doc, who I also really like, is not quite as easy to talk to. He's Indian, not like Native American, the other kind (LOL!) and he is horrible about making faces. I mean, if you will notice, it must be a cultural thing because if you encounter a person of Indian heritage who is not really talkative, they will more often than not, make these expressions. I tell him he would suck at poker because of that. LOL! He's super about thinking outside the box and NOT treating mere symptoms. He wants to get to the cause of the problem, but those daggone expressions kill me. After my first visit, I just started saying, "What does THAT face mean?" *heh*

Anyhow, so I told the PA about my super-sleep-itis & her first question was do I snore? Well, um, so he says. ;) And yeah, I know I do because I sometimes wake myself up. I told her that I do and that, yeah, I have a C-PAP machine at home, but that I'd not been wearing it. She said that was the first thing. Then she looked over my meds & suggested that I try taking my blood pressure medicine at night instead of morning.

I started that last night. I'm hoping that's what it is since it is a relatively new medicine. But I wasn't all bright-eyed & bushy-tailed this morning. I slept til after noon. *sigh*

I feel like a total failure when I do that, but it's like I canNOT make myself get up! I'm going to try hitting the hay around 11pm tonight. That IS when I get to bed most nights, although I HAVE gone til about 1am a few times since all this sleep-sleeping began. I have done that before though and had NO problem getting up in the morning. I'm hoping changing the time of my bp med will help.

We shall see...

digging out...

Wow... it's been SO long since I had a blog with, well, with lots of things. Like regular posts, fancy gadgets, um, readers!

I don't quite know what to do with myself. But I do want to say THANK YOU for the wonderful, encouraging comments. You don't know how much they've done for me. :)

Back on the topic of depression... the last couple of days, I've been able to get up several hours earlier. That's a step in the right direction. I wasn't this specific before, but I have been sleeping like 14-18 hours, y'all. Yeah, HOURS. I just could NOT make myself get out of bed, other than slogging through the room to let Tucker in and out, and a trip to the bathroom, I was sacked out sleeping like a dead woman. Totally zonked and just UNable to make myself wake up.

Of course that meant I was also missing my morning meds, which includes a huge dose of thyroid (duh, the metabolism regulating hormone?!) I was diagnosed with Grave's Disease back in 1999, and since my heart rate was near 190, I was immediately put on beta blockers, had to stop breastfeeding my baby (my second & last child) and was sent to an endocrinologist for further treatment of the Grave's. The nurses there kept telling me how much better I was going to feel once they got this under control. I'd quit feeling SO tired and stop being perpetually "too hot" & sweating ALL the time and I'd have SO much MORE energy.

Yeah. Whatever. It didn't happen like that AT ALL!! The endo decided a radioactive iodine treatment, or I-131, was the best way to go. Sounds creepy, I know and I wish in the worst way that I'd had the wisdom to seek a second opinion back then, I was just SO eager to start feeling better!! I never gave it a thought and forged ahead.

ANYhow... after the I-131 treatment, my thyroid production was not decreased, but it CEASED. I mean, it went from about 5x above normal to almost immeasurable... hovering barely above zero!! I could tell the endo wasn't expecting that & definitely not so suddenly. I was to have a blood draw at my regular doc's instead of driving to Lexington to the edno's office, and the results sent to him two weeks after the treatment. They called & wanted me up there pronto once they got those results & instead of the usual month or more before going on thyroid replacement meds, I was on them in two weeks. And a high dose of them, too.

Even now, if I have to go to a different pharmacy than my usual one (where my sweet cousin is the druggist!) they always question my dosage of thyroid. It's more than double what is considered "normal". *sigh* Yeah, so ... I dunno if the endo over-dosed me with the radioiodine or if my body just really needed more thyroid than most, but anyhow, now I have a very sluggish metabolism and missing my thyroid meds is NOT a good thing. I know that's just added to my lethargy but if I don't take that by noon, I am not supposed to take it. It is affected by dosage timing, so... if I miss that rather large window of opportunity, I just miss out for the day. I know, I KNOW... alarm clock. But see, you act as though you're talking to a practical, functional person... and when I'm this deep in a depression...you're just NOT, okay?

So, yeah, I had been up and sorta going while it was still morning the last few days. I've worked on a project I have coming up for our Emmaus Community. I even went to a reunion group meeting last Thursday. And do you know, I mean THIS is how good God is, there were two ladies there that I hadn't met before. One of them sat right across the table from me. And when I shared that my biggest struggle was & had been this debilitating depression, SHE TOUCHED MY ARM & SAID, "I've been going through the same thing. I know exactly what you're talking about." And she really did, too. We talked a little more about how destructive depression can be and how hard it is to 'make it' make sense to someone who's never experienced it.

See how God looks after me? :) He's awesome like that and I really needed the reminder that He's always there for me.

Today, I got out of the house and ran around Lexington with my hubby and kids. We did not one single solitary thing that could possibly be construed as constructive or productive. But it was good for me. I walked and walked around in the mall with Melissa. I enjoyed good meals with her, Tommy, both my sons and one "adopted" son, a friend of theirs from church. I laughed my head off at their snowball fights in restaurant parking lots and monkey calls in the middle of department stores.

I may not have accomplished a thing, but I feel blessed, and I feel hopeful. And folks, it's been way too long since I felt a glimmer of hope.

Life is good, just like the God Who gives it.

Blessings...