the hard things

Sometimes it's REALLY hard to do the things you need to or should do. Like for instance we have recently left the church we've belonged to for over 14 years. And this isn't the first time we've left there.

The first time was when Corey, our eldest, was about to graduate over into the "teen group" at church. The fella in charge of the teens at that time was a divorcee with small children. He was nice enough, but I had problems with the fact that they let him mentor the teenagers, besides the fact that they'd let him preach too. (See I Timothy 3:2 for the reasons why this is wrong) But beyond that, I knew because Tommy and I were game leaders and had interaction with all of the kids, that there had to be some problems with what the teens were being taught from the behavior we saw out of them. One girl had come up to Tommy and done this stretchy sort of "dance" in front of him! On several other occasions we heard two or three of the girls talking about another in a pointedly loud way so that she could hear. And none of what they said was nice.

Of course, all that stuff could be attributed to how they were being raised, so even though we weren't comfortable with the man, we hadn't decided to leave then. However, when I came out after youth classes one night and found one of the teen girls on this "preacher's" back, arms and legs wrapped around him?? Well, THAT was the deciding factor. We took it to two different deacons and prayed. When the deacons took it to the pastor, he blew it off, so we promptly left.

What followed was about two years of going to just about every baptist church in our county and several in other counties, a short stint in one church where we were taken advantage of and used and then another horrible few months where the church almost broke up our marriage. Yes, you read that right. Maybe I'll go into that sometime but I don't feel up to it right now. I'll just give you these: legalistic, judgmental, false doctrine.

So anyhow, we ended up going back to this church after all that turmoil and the divorced preacher was no longer there, but we never knew for sure if he left on his own or was finally put out. But anyhow, we've been back there for almost 10 years I guess, and things are still just "not right". And it's hard to leave because having a church home is like having a regular home! It's where you know people that care about you, help you with your problems, where you feel comfortable and can best worship and serve the Lord. But when there's something just "wrong" in the leadership, it makes the church "sick". When there are favored "cliques" in the church, when the preaching is no longer solely or consistently to honor God, but sometimes turns into a rant or some private tongue lashing for certain members... then the Lord is anything but glorified or honored.

Part of what we love about the church is that the old hymns are sung there. And we used to really love the preaching. Granted, I know the pastor is getting older and that probably has a little to do with the changes in his preaching, but the other, behind-the-scenes things we see out of him and his wife have nothing to do with age.

You see, Corey was kind of trained in how to run the media for the church... do the directing and editing for the services to be aired on tv. He loves that kind of stuff and has brought the program a long way from what it had been after the not-exactly-assistant pastor left. (long story, but they never called him as assistant pastor, but that's the capacity he worked in most of the time, other than he was given no authority. They really did treat him pretty bad once he announced that he was leaving, though) So now Corey is doing the entire media thing himself. The pastor, I guess, thought he'd keep Corey from asking for more money or equipment ?? but a man who had worked with the media at another church started coming and pastor asked him to sit in a see what Corey was doing. The man told him he was doing the work of about five people and he wouldn't touch it with a 10-foot pole!! Yeah... and for over three years now, my son has sat in a room directing church services. He hasn't participated in a worship service in all that time. The only time he and his wife have been able to attend church together is when they took off and went somewhere else. There's one other lady that used to work with that stuff back when there was MUCH less of it, and she fills in for him once in awhile when he has to be gone. But she can't edit and it's a lot more work for him to have to edit what she directs... Anyway, my big problem with all this is that not once has the leadership ever thought that maybe, just maybe Corey and the other KIDS who run the cameras might want to actually sit in a service instead of having to work through it. Trust me, it's not as simple as you'd think and it is in NO WAY the same as being there. There is NO WAY one can "get" what they need from a sermon when they're running a camera or directing. To my mind, you can correct me if I'm wrong, but seems that the leadership should be concerned enough about these people's spiritual needs enough to make sure there is somehow they can at least occasionally get fed. But they don't, they haven't and I can't see that changing any time soon.

And so we've left this very much old-fashioned church steeped in tradition and very set in the old ways. Not that we have ONE SINGLE THING against that. We don't and matter of fact, that's the reason we loved the church to begin with... it wasn't trying to be all modern and contemporary. But somewhere along the line the keeping with tradition has turned into more like being critically judgmental of anyone who isn't doing what pastor and the elect think they should. It's not quite as overt as that sounds, but the fact remains that this is exactly what's going on there.

I didn't plan for this to be about "what's wrong" with the church, but more about the huge difference and big change we've made. So, this new church? Well, it's grown from a church that's been around for quite a long while. They got a young pastor and suddenly the started just bursting at the seams... literally! They abandoned the original church house and started holding services in the convention center in town and finally built a new facility. But it's about as non-traditional and modern as you can get! However, it's not like most churches attempt this. I'll see if I can explain.

Most of the time when you find a church that's trying to be more contemporary, they're mainly trying to attract people. They will start doing different music, which none of the older people like usually. They'll come up with snazzy-sounding names for jazzed up programs for young people and they'll try to seem less "churchy". They totally lose focus of what the real issue is, and that's reaching the community for Jesus.

Somehow, this new church has totally reworked itself without seeming like "that kind" of church. They don't have a traditional altar with a pulpit. It's a stage, actually, with two huge screens on either side that show what the media ministry is recording. The pastor sits on a stool beside a small table. He has all his scripture projected onto a smaller screen that is rolled in beside him. His points are also put there. And recently, he's begun putting his sermon notes and scriptures on YouVersion so that you can use your phone or iPad to take notes and such. The music is anything but traditional. It's straight out of the Christian Pop/Rock genre, complete with drums, several electric guitars and keyboards. There are colored lights that sometimes move around and occasionally, they will use smoke, too. It's set up just like a concert. O.o There are no pews. Just rows of seats and the "auditorium" is quite dark during the song portion and only slightly lit during the sermon.

It is THE TOTAL OPPOSITE of the church we belong to. Do we like all these things? Not completely, no. I miss singing in the choir, I miss the traditional hymns. I miss Sunday School (the new church has two morning services and then "community groups", which is like SS, in the evening). But I DON'T miss leaving church feeling worse than when I came in and that's what's been happening at our old church.

The leadership, from the top down, has become very prideful, as best I can tell. There's no real love for people, no real concern for their needs. There are literally over 100 kids who regularly come to the youth program mid-week. There's no real budget for providing for the needs of that program. The man put in charge seems to be just the first one they could get to say yes, and he is the most ill-equipped man to deal with a bunch of rowdy, mostly-ADD-type kids. He has zero patience, by his actions and his own admission, and no love for those kids. Nobody wants to take responsibility for anything or take credit for it all, accordingly. It's just ridiculous and we just didn't feel like we could continue to support the situation.

Is this the church we want to permanently move to? I don't think so, but maybe. Right now, we're dealing with my parents, who also belong to the same church as us, feeling as if we've jumped ship. As if we've lost our minds and gone "radical", like we've abandoned the Bible or something. It hurts, especially when they don't know everything. We've been contacted by all of one person from church. A good friend of Tommy's and a deacon. He seemed maybe a little betrayed. At least that's how he came across. Other people on facebook have asked if we're okay, about three people, I think. Out of a congregation of over 300?

*sigh* It's just been a rough month. I just want to do what's pleasing to the Lord. I don't want to make a decision that's out of His will for us, or to hurt anyone's feelings, but something had to happen. We'd been hurting and worrying and being dissatisfied with how people were being treated. We had to make a change. Lord willing we'll have a clear answer as to what we're to do.